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if DH left you for OW and you are now happy please put your hand up!

(28 Posts)
greenberet Sun 11-Jan-15 19:56:20

for me and my buddies on the "finding it hard thread" just wondered how many of you have been through this hell and come out the other side in a far better place. There seems to be so many and we know we are not alone - but some days it feels like it and you wonder will I ever get through this and be happy again? thank you!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 11-Jan-15 20:11:46

<raises hand>

It was a long time ago now (20 years) and I was devastated at the betrayal and rejection for a long, long time. But I can look back now and see that she probably did me a favour because he was a complete shit and probably always will be. Curiosity made me look at his FB page recently. He hasn't aged well, she was always 'plain' and their children ... well let's just say they ain't going to win any beauty contests. <shallow> smile

SKYTVADDICT Sun 11-Jan-15 20:17:31

Me. Nearly 11 years ago. I have married again and have 2 more children. They live in their own little bubble and hardly see our 2 girls and the girls (now 18 and 14) have no time in their lives for them. It did take a long time and a lot of bitterness, we've had to sit at gymnastic displays etc together and I had to be nice wink but I will never like them!

iklboo Sun 11-Jan-15 20:20:50

Ex p - about 17 years ago now. Made me realise how downtrodden he had kept me, that you didn't have to live in an abusive relationship, that I wasn't fat, ugly, useless & stupid and there WERE men out there who found me attractive.

I joined some groups & activities, met DH and haven't looked back often

iklboo Sun 11-Jan-15 20:21:50

Oh, and my folks see his brother sometimes. Ex p is utterly miserable apparently.

Justwanttomoveon Sun 11-Jan-15 20:23:42

cog your post really made me chuckle.
I am only 10 months on and although I can't say I am 'happy' just yet I really feel like I'm getting there. I am starting a degree next month with OU and my life feels like it's moving forward for the first time in 20 years.
I would never have started the degree if I was still with my awful ex, I wouldn't be making plans for the future, my life would be about trying to manage his moods as he was/is a drinker and now is a frequent cocaine user, even so I was devastated when it ended but planning for my future has definitely helped me move on.

Branleuse Sun 11-Jan-15 20:24:10

oh god yes, although i didnt know hed left for another woman until a lot later.

myown2feetaregreat Sun 11-Jan-15 20:25:13

Me,me! Waves hand in the air. I was one who was on the floor when he left, no relatives and adult children who live abroad. Mumsnet kept me going.

Great new shiny life now, hobbies and friends galore. Never thought I would be happy ever again.

Keep going, one foot in front of the other ,a day at a time , you will get there. Take time to grieve for the marriage you thought you had and heal.

Saw my ex a few months ago, he didn't look happy with his new love, in fact he looked down right miserable, she has to put up with him now. Grass did not look greener .

You will turn a corner, I promise.

Fairylea Sun 11-Jan-15 20:26:19


Ex dh left me for a girlfriend he had before me he'd found on Facebook. Upped and left in 2 weeks (!!!) Dd then aged 6 and myself never heard from him again! (After 6 years of marriage).

Some years on I am now remarried to someone I met on plenty of fish and we also have a son together 2.5. It's made me realise how much was wrong with my previous marriage. Financially, emotionally and in every way we lived very separate lives. With my now dh we have our ups and downs but we are very much a team.

Dd is now 12 and seems very happy. She never talks about the ex. (He wasn't her dad, long story). She loves her step dad loads.

orangefusion Sun 11-Jan-15 20:30:30

Yes, me.

They live round the corner from me. They had two more children. I was devastated then- 16 years ago. Now I compare my life with theirs (his) and smile smugly. I got the best deal- he got her and she got him- they are both so self involved and smug, but I get whiffs of envy from th EXp from time to time.

I did not have more children. I am now financially secure on my own, in my house with my lovely DS and glad that I dont have to have anything to do with the ex's family or him.

It felt like my world had ended at the time. I was heartbroken and I know how close to "something stupid" I was, my lovely son kept me going and I know that I am happier now than he.

MissMogwi Sun 11-Jan-15 21:04:45


9/10 years ago (I can't remember, which speaks volumes). He left for OW and turned out to be a massive prick in every way including a shit dad. He emptied the house, lied about everything under the sun, you name it.

Took me a while to get over all of it but when I did, my life was and is great. I spent a long time on my own, bar the odd date. But I needed it as had been in the relationship from 16-26.

My lovely, funny DD's are happy, well loved and strong young women. I went back to college, then Uni and now have a good career and prospects. After many years I met a wonderful man who is a wonderful partner and stepdad in every way.

When exp first left I thought I'd never recover. I was humiliated, ashamed and my self esteem was through the floor. I remember looking at my little girls and thinking 'how the fuck will
I do this?'

But you do. It hurts, but you do get through it. Now I see exp and don't even think evil thoughts (which took some time!) I just think meh.

dippinmytoe Sun 11-Jan-15 21:14:18

Yes yes yes !! at the time 18 months ago I was devastated.... but now ... All divorced and sorted , it was the best thing ever !! I'm in total control and relieved....

newyear15 Sun 11-Jan-15 21:22:14

Yep me too - at the time I was on the floor so bad was the devastation. I could not see a future at all, it was really that awful. I am very glad now he has gone. Since leaving I have seen his true colours. The OW is welcome to him. I feel v sorry for their new baby. I am still boiling mad he doesn't bother with our children - my heart breaks for them. But if he is that grim I think it is best he is out of their lives.

I am doing a degree, have great friends, am financially independent and master of my own destiny. Had none of that while I was being ruled by him.

iwashappy Sun 11-Jan-15 21:31:28

Green great thread idea and much needed.

Well done to everyone for coming through the devastation and rebuilding your life and feeling good again. Thank you for giving those of us who are a long way off getting there a bit of hope.

elastamum Sun 11-Jan-15 21:31:56

Me too. Very happy smile. After my ex left for OW I was on my own for about 2 years post split. It was really hard, we had moved somewhere I didn't know anyone and I found myself on my own with 2 small children, struggling to keep things together and find myself a job to support us.

Eventually I found a decent job, I met my lovely DP at the start of 2011 and we are still together 4 years on and happier than ever. Now have a cordial relationship with ex, who has since been married and divorced again.

PetuliaGristle Sun 11-Jan-15 21:35:56

Me too <raises hand> also about 20 years ago, devastated at the time, felt like the bottom had dropped out of my life on working out that the person I loved didn't exist. Now happily married, dsd and dd2, and a granny(!). Whenever I want to give myself nightmares I imagine what my life would be like if I was still married to the self-absorbed idiot. Eternally grateful to ow for taking him off my hands.

yestheyhavethesamedad Sun 11-Jan-15 21:39:38

ME split up 2 years ago and best thing ever, we are amicable because of the children.
I have been single since but that's thru choice as my ex and I had got together when I was 16.
The ow who he is still with now has to deal with his moodiness and constant flirting and what makes it even better is he keeps hinting to come back and I take great satisfaction in saying no as i'm just not interested in him anymore he made his bed he can lie in it .
I'm happy and settled and he is miserable and feels stuck

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 11-Jan-15 21:39:44

Me, my hands up. Been a bumpy old path but having been left in a heap of debt with 1 and 3 yr old DC (now 8 and 11). We had to sell the house, lots of threats from ex, DS1 being repeatedly excluded nursery and then school, we then got an Autism diagnosis. I met current DH married 6 months later, had a few miscarriages, had DD, had terrible problems that resulted in us relocating.

We've downsized, the kids are all settled and generally pretty happy, DH and I are pretty happy, we have plans for holidays and silly little things, a bit of savings. Life is fragile and who knows whats round the corner but right now I'd say yes its good. I'd go as far as saying I'm glad it happened because life is better now than it could ever been on my previous projectile.

MirandaWest Sun 11-Jan-15 21:39:48

Me. Found about XHs affair just over 4 years ago and we separated a few months later. He's now a lot better at being a dad to the DC and is still with the OW. I had a year to myself and then met my bf. We are both nicely happy together smile

MissMogwi Sun 11-Jan-15 21:44:38

God yes, I have thought what my life would be like if ex hadn't buggered off.

I wouldn't have done anything for me, just continued to make his life easy. And accommodate his affairs apparently grin

Actually the woman I am now would not tolerate it. I expect and deserve a balanced relationship, independence and respect.

I love my DP, but I know should we ever split, I will be ok. We all will.

HappyGirlNow Sun 11-Jan-15 21:45:55

Me! I found out my partner of 11 years had been cheating on me with multiple women for at least 7 of them! I was devastated and it took me 2/3 years or really get over it.. I've been with my now husband for over 6 years, married for almost 18 months, never been happier, he is such a step up from the ex grin

Plus the ex is a loser prick, compulsive liar, arsehole and always will be and I feel sorry for his current partner.

Redhead11 Sun 11-Jan-15 21:50:34

Me! Almost 6 years ago, i was in pieces on the floor, but now i am happy and he is stuck abroad with no job and not much money. I'm not rich by any stretch, but as they say, the best revenge is to live well and I am. I am happily single and don't anticipate that changing.

Laska42 Sun 11-Jan-15 22:04:28

And me . he left when DS was 2 weeks old for a woman he'd met one week before i'd given birth..I had been so ground down that It actually took me 12 months to get angry ( too much going on being a first time single mum miles for any family support and he'd made me believe i was totally worthless )

But then I realised that I had allowed him to isolate me, 300miles from home and family support and had managed to sucessfully get rid of all my old friends in the process, he'd emotionally bullied me and occaisionally even physically also , and i'd got so used to it that I'd hardly even even complained.. (iI really cant believe this of me now)

Move on 25years. ...

I've moved back to my 'home area' (ish) have been to university (and now have a degree and 2 post grad degrees (so I wasnt 'thick' and 'stupid' after all it seems) . I bought my own home was a struggle .as was a student then so had to work all the hours I could in carp jobs and rely on childminders to look after DS . .. but i made a career (never highly paid ) , and now have an an adult son and stepdaughter .. 2 grandchildren .. and along the way (21 years ago now) I met a lovely man , who belives in me and loves me.. and we married a few years ago ..(we moved and bought another house also now paid for , and are now planning our retirement life travelling )

It will get better, it may be a struggle at first but believe in yourself and your abilities ( you do have some , belive me) and it wil be worth it in the end .. he wasnt worth you..

(my ex h.. didnt stay with the OW and as far as i know didnt do as well as me..he always blaming someone else for his own problems you see, I'm very glad he left .. )

stickingpoint2 Sun 11-Jan-15 22:20:09

Not straight away. But yeah. A guy I lived with left me for OW. I struggled. I dated. I dated somemore. I married an awful man. I divorced him. Then I got my happy. Then I met someone amazing Then I got married and i love my life grin

stickingpoint2 Sun 11-Jan-15 22:24:03

Also a dear friend. She left husband (ow was actually moved in because she 'had nowhere else' and she (my friend) twigged what was going on.
She raged. She hot a flat. She divorced him. She dated a guy. He was perfect but she was worried it was too soon. He hung around (as a friend). 2 years passed.
They dated again. They married. They are so great together!

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