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Finally have the strength to ask for help. Even though i don't deserve it.

(19 Posts)
Walkingmistake Sun 11-Jan-15 03:00:20

Also posted in mental health I am manic have bipolar 1 and although I was clean of drugs (only ever took weed) I relapsed. My husband upon finding this out has asked for a divorce. He not only wants sole custody but he doesn't even want me having supervised visits. Says he gonna use the weed to stop me seeing the kids. If I don't stop going out with my friends. Plus give up weed, he gonna stop me seeing kids if I leave him.

I did something stupid tonight I was manic and out with friends when he told me of his plans. I was hysterical and a friend bought me some amphetamine to calm me down. I've never touched this before but was so upset I stupidly took it. I have flushed the remainder.

I also confessed something else to my husband tonight. He came pretty close to raping me last week forced my legs open and held my wrists down. I got a arm free as he was about to penetrate me and slapped him and said if you take that one step further it's rape. I ran out of the house and I ended up sleeping with my friend. It happened another once after a major argument. I confessed this to him. He just said he is leaving tomorrow on my sons birthday.

I know I have done wrong and I know I have messed up. Just don't know what to do.

EdSheeransGString Sun 11-Jan-15 03:06:07

How much amphetamine did you take?

Speed doesn't calm you down, it makes you more manic I know this from experience.

Are you with someone just now?

Walkingmistake Sun 11-Jan-15 03:07:10

I'm alone I took half a gram.

EdSheeransGString Sun 11-Jan-15 03:13:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdSheeransGString Sun 11-Jan-15 03:15:41

Wrt to him sexually assaulting you, it's disgusting behaviour has their been domestic violence in your relationship?

You say you slept with your friend, does he know about your mh issues?

HelloItsStillMeFell Sun 11-Jan-15 03:18:18

Your friend is a cunt. You need to find better friends. Or better still, just forget about friends for the time being and focus on your children. Is the friend you slept with the same one who gave you amphetamines?

By the sounds of things it sounds best for everyone that your husband wants a divorce. I don't know much about how family courts work but at the moment I'd say he has a pretty strong chance of getting sole custody of the children, and you will probably end up with supervised visits only, at least until you are more stable and reliable.

I think you do know what to do actually. What you do is you seek intensive help for your mental illness (if you aren't already) and make sure you take your medication. You STOP going out with your druggie 'friends' who are really not friends at all, they are wasters who are dragging you into their seedy pit of shit. You stop with weed. You stop the one night stands. You do what any decent mother does and you put your children's needs first. Bi Polar or not, if you can't do that then your husband should get custody.

Walkingmistake Sun 11-Jan-15 03:19:29

Friend doesn't know about mental health issues. Dh has before only punched the walls by my head.

But he talks to me like shit, the worst part is my DS age 8 is starting to copy him and he is also talking to me disrespectfully. With DH I would say it's more mental abuse he uses my illness to control me, or disregard everything I say as being under the influence of my illness so unimportant.

EdSheeransGString Sun 11-Jan-15 03:20:30

Posted too soon - if he does know what you are going through at the moment he is not a friend and is a dick for offering you speed and sex.

Walkingmistake Sun 11-Jan-15 03:22:15

I have been clean 6 months and have got rid of everything I had already to go clean again. I take my meds every night, don't drink and keep a regular bedtime.No it wasn't the same guy who I slept with.

EdSheeransGString Sun 11-Jan-15 03:24:42

It can take months for weed to leave your system, speed traces disappear usually within 7 days iirc

Walkingmistake Sun 11-Jan-15 03:40:19

I have been primary carer for my dc since oldest was born 9 years ago. My husband works full time and the youngest dc is still not in ft school.

If courts think it best I don't continue to care for my dc then so be it, I will do what is best for them. Doesn't mean I'm not scared and dreading it and frightened of losing my dc. I love them to pieces.

I already plan on calling my psychiatrist Monday morning to explain what I've done and see if he can alter my meds. So I can get better and be able to care for my DC.

HelloItsStillMeFell Sun 11-Jan-15 03:43:20

Is your husband generally an abusive and angry man, or is he reacting out of stress and desperation because of your illness? It doesn't sound especially healthy for your children to be around either of you at the moment to be honest.

How often are you going out with these 'friends'? Do you see them when you are not manic? What you you doing for the previous six months when you were clean? Were you manic at all in that six months? Did you have your bipolar before your weed problem or did you start taking the weed as a result of being bipolar?

Coyoacan Sun 11-Jan-15 03:46:26

HelloItsStillMeFell I don't really know what you are basing your opinions on, but I don't think it is on law or what is necessarily the best for the children.

Sorry OP, I am not the right person to advise you here, but your husband is obviously not helping your mental health. And the least of your problems is your past consumption of weed.

Are you being treated? Are you taking your meds?

Walkingmistake Sun 11-Jan-15 03:55:39

I had bipolar first I only smoke weed when my sŷmptoms appear and that's when I give in. The last six months I have been just doing general stuff cooking cleaning looking after dc school runs, clubs.
I don't normally see my friends except from when my third is in part time nursery and two evenings. When I became ill I started seeing them more and going out more evenings. This week I went out wed friday and today.

Mine and dh problems started around two years ago, up until this point I only had one friend who I saw while dh was working. I was very lonely so made a few more friends only two use drugs and then one only uses weed other one who is the one who bought me speed. I don't really see him much normally as I am more friends with the other one, but they are close friends with each other.

My last episode ended about 6 months ago it was a psychotic depression.

My previous manic episode before was 4 years ago which is when I was diagnosed as I went straight to my gp who referred to crisis who admitted me for a week before episode was over and that was when I was diagnosed.

MaudBaker Sun 11-Jan-15 08:37:51

Keep posting OP. The helpful folk on here will try to support you.

RubbishMantra Sun 11-Jan-15 08:59:02

Hi OP, Do you have a mental health crisis team you can call now? You shouldn't have to feel like you do for another 24 hours.

And of course you deserve help, you're brave to ask for help, it's not easy.

The people you refer to as friends - they should have taken care of you, not behaved in the way they did.

And to the posters who say her children would be better off with her rapey husband, wtaf?

Lweji Sun 11-Jan-15 09:16:06

Being harsh, it's the children I feel sorry for.

Still, I think you need to get the attempted rape and the violence on record. Do talk to your psychiatrist, possibly also the GP about it. Also contact WA for advice.
Plus his threat of cutting all contact between you and the children is domestic abuse. At worst you'd always have supervised contact, but occasional drug use and a history of being the primary carer with no adverse affects on the children would probably mean that a court would actually still grant at least 50-50 care.

For now, I would definitely contact Women's Aid and draw up a leaving plan from there.

RubbishMantra Sun 11-Jan-15 10:05:04

Well done Walking for managing your diagnosis for all this time, taking your meds etc. You've had an awful lot to deal with. I urge you to speak with your mental health crisis team. Why not give them a call, even if it's only for a bit of a chat?

Walkingmistake Sun 11-Jan-15 14:16:44

Had a pretty hard comedown this morning. But I got my best male friend to come over and mediate. Dh is going to stay with my mum for a month but coming home daily to check I am caring for the children correctly, plus I don't want to reduce his contact suddenly as this will upset dc especially as one dc has severe autism so change will need to be slowly.

I am still unwell more so for my decision to take amphetamine. I don't want to go in today as its my sons birthday but I will contact my psychiatrist first thing in the morning.

I have my sister here to help today until I talk to psychiatrist in the morning. If I get worse I'll call a ambulance.

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