Hello,
I posted a thread a few months back under a different name. I was having a truly horrible time and wanted to no longer exist. I'd had some awful relationships and was really struggling with everything. I got some very kind and fabulous advice. I am in a much better place now, still working on my self esteem and assertiveness but I have a lot to thank you people for.
On to more fun matters (well it is equal parts fun and excruciating), I met a guy who I have fallen for big time. The way you fall in love as a teenager. I don't know if it's a product of my previous horrible relationships or just because I am a general flirting klutz but I get very nervous and seem to be unable to not feel like a tit when I am in his company. I feel all hot and timid when I talk to him and then I get all flustered and have to basically do a runner. It's been a good few months since we met, and on first sight I totally fancied him, but it has gradually become an all consuming beast. I feel so silly and immature!
He is really friendly and can be quite flirtatious but I don't know if I have made that up; the pessimist in me (who is quite dominant) says he is like that with everyone, he has no reason to be interested in me, and the instances where he seems to be in the same place as me for no clear reason are just coincidence. I have engineered situations that give me excuses to walk past and say hi 
and he has caught me staring at him several times so I don't think I could be any more obvious.
It's basically taking over my life, I can't concentrate at work or at home or in the supermarket, I think about him all the time. My friends say I should make a move, nothing terrible will happen, but the thought of him turning me down crushes me!
I'm not sure what I am asking. This will pass, right? How do I talk to a boy I like? Why do I not know this already? I am 31 ffs!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
There's a boy I like... save me from my massive crush, I can't concentrate!
LidlMix · 11/01/2015 01:15
I have no advice I just really hope that by 'boy' you mean 'man'
Thanks fanjo.
Thanks for the reply folkgirl (folkwoman? 
), I think you are entirely right. Realistically I know nothing is going to happen and he probably doesn't even like me, which is all fine but I wish I could stop the daydreaming. We work in the same place (though not together) so there is little I can do to avoid him, unless I resign!
I guess I feel a bit sad because although it's a nice feeling to like someone, and nothing happening with this person isn't that big a deal, I am concerned that I am never going to make any progress in this area of my life. I've never had a normal relationship where I meet someone normal, we date normally, progress normally, split up normally if it reaches an end... so I have no idea how to behave if it's a possibility.
I've never had a partner who I felt comfortable to call a boyfriend. I have had a few one night stands that ended horribly, and one abusive relationship that started as an affair (on his part) when I was in a very vulnerable place. I have had the misfortune to have been in the company of a few bad men who have treated me poorly (as in criminal level), it all started when I was very young and now I don't know any different.
My last thread on here had a big lesson on working on my poor boundaries with men, and my self esteem. Both are a bit better now, but I can't ever see a way out of not being able to be normal around someone I am interested in. I just get extremely timid but secretly infatuated, which is juvenile and unproductive. I seem to be a bit all or nothing. I either dismiss men quite easily or get a bit too excited if one I like finally comes along. I don't want to fall into another abusive relationship so am quite happy to have high standards, but I don't seem to have any middle ground. I don't know how to do the in between part of getting to know someone, sussing them out, working out if we like each other, testing the water, approaching them for a date...
I honestly see myself being alone and celibate forever as a result, which is ok, I don't have a problem with being single if no one right for me is available. But it gets a little lonely.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.