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Help me find a FB/FWB please!(21 Posts)
Completely and utterly disillusioned with men in general after eighteen months doing online dating. I've been really unlucky with pretty horrible experiences which have left me unable to believe a word anyone says anymore and generally view men as coward, vanisher creatures (and yes I know there are nice guys out there. And no, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just fed up with the complete lack of manners, vanishers and cowardly behaviour in general going on in online dating)
I do have needs though so I've decided to stop trying to find a good 'un and take up a FB/FWB instead. Not sure how to go on about it though ..... for example, my old OLD profile was written to attract a significant other, talked about me and what made me tick etc. This is different though, I just want a normal decent guy to have sex with. Should I just have a very simple, straight to the point profile stating what I want? Does it really matter what I write on my profile since I'm only looking for casual? I really want to avoid all the perverts/married men looking for a bit on the side but I guess if I state I'm looking for 'sex, something casual' is mostly what I'll be getting? (thinking POF/OKC). I would have no photos but would send them privately if I like the look of anyone messaging, good idea? Or maybe I should take a proactive approach instead and just message those I like looking for something casual and attach the pictures then?
Also, logistically ... do you bring them home or safer going to his? Obviously would meet over coffee then to see if there's attraction/ they're not a complete lunatic!
This is completely new territory for me so any advice/ideas would be great... thanks!!
Whilst it's important to be honest I think a profile saying you're after no strings sex will just get you an avalanche of cock pictures. Make it clear that you're not looking for a permanent partnership but then set the bar really high and filter out the type that are looking to save money on hookers. The crucial part about FWB is the Friend element. You still have to like them and they have to respect you.
A male friend of mine and I set up a spoof profile on POf once just to see what sort of lunatics replied. We ticked the "looking for casual sex" or whatever it was box and wrote no intro, uploaded one photo we found online of a subtle stocking top. Within half an hour I had something like 60 messages and 200 winks or likes or whatever it is on POF.
I suggest if you do want to do it then create a separate profile, that way you if you do change your mind you haven't tarnished your own one with any potential daters in future. In the year that I was OLD it was the same guys logged on every day and although I wouldn't have dated them, you never know who will pick up on who you really are and personally I would want to keep as safe as possible where men who live locally to me are concerned.
I'd also suggest keeping the info extremely brief. You'd be shocked at the flood of enquiries.
Nothing wrong with experimenting that way if that's what you fancy though!
And I'd suggest getting to know them a bit first just like you would with someone you are dating, you'll get a feel pretty quickly for whether they have nut job potential or not. One guy I saw had come out of a loooong marriage and had 3 FB's on the go, he was having the time of his life! He was totally honest about it and we met a few times before we DTD
Thank you both. Big yes to them respecting me and liking them. I just want an honest, well mannered guy who's looking after something casual too. My twat-o-metter is finely tuned so I should be fine detecting any nut jobs but yes will definitely be meeting them in advance for a coffee or something.
Make it a few coffees.... Seriously I think you have to treat it like a job interview and, if you're shooting for 'respect', give the candidate (s) more than a cursory look.
More than respect Cogito though is consistency what I'm looking for. Someone who will get back to me to confirm whether we're meeting or not when they say they will, someone who will turn up when they're supposed to.
I'm impatient .... cannot I just interview them in the comfort of my own bed on a second meet after a first coffee though?
Of course you can. An on the job probationary period is always an option....
A few things:
- Are you sure that you can actually sleep with someone and not develop feelings for them?
- sounds like you have done enough OLD to know that quite a few 'regular' men would be happy with a FWB situation... why not call up anyone you went on a date with who was ok but not that interested in you and ask them out? they might get the hint..
- definitely screen them out a bit, and think of your own safety (definitely don't assume they will be faithful to you)
I have actually had a FWB for the past few months, someone who didn't work out as a relationship and out of mutual agreement got downgraded to a FWB situation. I did like him a lot at the beginning and despite that have managed to remain completely detached so yes, I can definitely do the not-developing-feelings for them thing. This guy is frustratingly unreliable and lives three hours away though hence me looking for a replacement .
Pdxs Good idea re revisiting old dates (god knows I've been on plenty of those) but I really dislike the idea of offering sex on a plate to someone for whom I wasn't good enough to be on a relationship/date...the whole thing would be unbalanced to start with iykwim....
Tinder is basically just for sex I think.
You just swipe anybody you're attracted to, if you both swipe it's a match and allows you to talk to each other....
Most people seem to be normal on there, just after casual...
Tony I used Tinder for a while months ago but out of 100's of matches only actually a handful of messages out of it, mostly of the 'show me your boobs' variety . You would also be able to see my picture and first name which I rather not have public.
How about the actual logistics of it? My place or his better for the first time?
Whilst it's important to be honest I think a profile saying you're after no strings sex will just get you an avalanche of cock pictures.
Cantbelieve I should count myself lucky. ... not a single one of those after eighteen months online dating! Seriously affecting my self esteem.....
Um, you might find that FBs are even more unreliable. The whole point is that they or you contact each other as and when, most agreements are not a regular thing. In my experience FBs are even more unreliable than daters . Good luck though.
What you could do Nice is to advertise on POF for "dating but nothing serious". That way you might attract some decent men who are willing to put some effort in, but just aren't looking for a relationship. You can always try out the categories on POF to see who you attract too. Also, be proactive and contact any man you fancy. Good luck
When I was looking for a FWB I was very clear that just because I wasn't looking for serious that I still expected manners and reliability. I set out some ground rules and was pretty clear what I wanted and what I didn't. And I had photos they weren't flirty or sexy as I do think sexy pics significantly increases the numbers of twats that contact you. Funny enough I had a fraction of the shit other ladies get, and received no cock pics...and ended up with a really nice FWB/BF.
Thanks Livid that might be the best way to go on about it actually. Profile with no pictures on POF stating that I'm looking for 'dating but nothing serious' and proactively contacting those men I like the look of and sending them photos privately (smiley, normal photos.... same ones I had on my original profile actually).
I will also add a comment on my profile about still expecting manners and reliability, great idea. It saves me having to mention it when messaging.
MadeMan We would never work out as FWB, you would drive me up the wall constantly showing me silly videos on your phone in between rounds
"you would drive me up the wall constantly showing me silly videos on your phone in between rounds"
Yep, you've got me there on the silly vids.
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