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I think we've split up

(9 Posts)
ArgentinianMalbec Thu 08-Jan-15 22:12:34

I don't know what to do. Since DD was born "D"P and I have not got on brilliantly. She's 14 months now. Another row, he's very short tempered and angry, then tried to tell me the way he reacted was MY fault hmm

Anyway. I've just gone back to work FT, his parents look after DD a few days, she goes to nursery for a few.

He owns the house. We're not married. Do I go to the council? I have a few days but can't stay here for long for my own sanity than anything else.

I have literally nothing. No money in the bank, no savings.

I don't know what the fuck to do.

I know I'm an idiot for getting myself into this situation. Isn't hindsight wonderful.

Sorry if this is all a bit garbled. Hard to get my thoughts down. sad

ArgentinianMalbec Thu 08-Jan-15 22:24:05

Does anyone have any advice or experience? Hope somebody can guide me in the right direction.

Allstoppedup Thu 08-Jan-15 22:28:16

No advice but didn't want to read and run.

Do you have family/friends you could go to whilst you look at what steps you need to take next?

Perhaps call Citizens Advice, they might be able to point you in the right direction.


pictish Thu 08-Jan-15 22:29:27

Speak to CB and Women's Aid. They can advise you on the practical stuff.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but from what you've said, it sounds like absolutely the right decision to split.
Absorbing someone else's anger is no way to live. xx

KouignAmann Thu 08-Jan-15 22:32:30

Sorry for your trouble Argent and I didn't want to read and run. You don't say much about what happened in your OP. Has he told you it is over? Or has he left your home?
You need to arm yourself with info about what you are entitled to. Look on the Entitledto website for a calculator, and check how much maintenance he would have to pay. If you are working FT you should be able to manage ok. Do you have any family who will help?
Also you need to put yourself first and be very very kind to yourself at the moment.

ArgentinianMalbec Thu 08-Jan-15 22:37:50

Thanks for your kind words. I'm working FT but the nursery bill is nearly half my wages. I've gone back so that we could save for a house together. I don't earn much. He's paid for most things over my maternity leave.
He has said its over, no one has left.
I know it's the right thing to do I just don't know where to start. I'd have no deposit or anything.
My parents live miles away. And they'd have me - but what about my job?
I feel embarrassed to tell anyone in RL yet. He is going to work early so is asleep in bed.

something2say Thu 08-Jan-15 23:09:52

If you go to the council it may well be a hostel bedroom or you find your own private rent. That you are working makes you a better bet for a private rent. You may need to borrow the deposit from friends or family. And CSA, don't forget that. All the best x

GlitteryLipgloss Thu 08-Jan-15 23:14:48

Why don't you just let things lie for a day or two. He may have a change of heart tomorrow and want to work things out, would you be willing to try again?

Sorry you are going through this OP.

Check the gov site and entitledto site to see what you would be eligible for.

Would he not help you find someplace else to live?? Surely he wouldn't turf you both out.

Even though you have split up would his parents still honor the child care arrangement ? and you both pay half nursery costs. ?

ArgentinianMalbec Thu 08-Jan-15 23:25:46

Glittery some good ideas. I think his parents would, yes. He also wouldn't just turf us out either. But i almost want to show him I can cope on my own too.

I'm not sure what I want. I love him but not sure if I was to stay whether I actually should.

Sorry to drip feed but this happens a lot. Not the actual splitting up - it's never gone as far as it did tonight - but the arguments. I've been putting it down to adjusting to our new lifestyle, having a baby is a big change isn't it. He's changed loads. He's not the man I met and he's not the caring loving man who looked after us when DD was born. Not sure what's happened.

I feel so annoyed that he's just gone to sleep and I'm the one sitting up worrying about where me and DD are going to live and how the hell i will cope being a single parent.

Thanks everyone who has posted. Means a lot. I am certainly going to contact citizens advice. I would feel a bit of a fraud phoning women's aid though. He can be a wanker but I don't think it's emotional abuse or anything.

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