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Mum's seeing a married man

(9 Posts)
sckwidinc Thu 08-Jan-15 17:04:01

I'm a single mum with a 4 year old DD. My ex, who cheated and lied his way through our 5 year relationship, left me for someone else, some time ago. To cut a long story short, I've developed an illness and my Mum has given up her career in the U.S.A and moved to London to be with us. She's renting a flat near me and DD. I don't know what I would have done without her. She's been great and wonderfully supportive.

A few weeks ago though she met a man who's married with kids, and she's been seeing him ever since. It is just a physical thing and nothing serious she tells me... Worst thing is, is that she's adopted this 'if you can't beat them join them' attitude about it all. I'm absolutely appalled at what she'd doing and she just thinks it's a bit of a laugh. Many years ago, her partner, my dad, walked out on us for a young woman and her other long-term BF cheated too.
I can't stop thinking of the harm they are doing to this man's poor wife and family. I love my mum dearly but I want this to stop. I feel responsible for it, as she wouldn't be here if not for me and this illness is hard on both of us. I don't seem to be able to get through to her though. Advice please!!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 08-Jan-15 17:14:55

Your Mum is a grown up & has to make her own choices. You don't have to approve but I'm sure she doesn't approve of everything you do either. If the MM is the type and the relationship is casual then if it wasn't your DM he'd probably find a replacement. The person most likely to get hurt is your DM of course. The MM will go home to his family eventually, his DW probably none the wiser, and she'll still be on her own. Try not to be too judgemental

Drumdrum60 Thu 08-Jan-15 17:31:38

Think of all the help she's giving you instead. It will end in tears.

kaykayred Thu 08-Jan-15 17:34:23

Your mum is free to live her own life, and you are free to tell her that her behaviour has very much surprised and saddened you, as you thought she was better than that.

You don't have to get involved, but there's nothing wrong with making your views on her behaviour clear. Not constantly, just once.

Her treating you nicely and helping you doesn't give her a get out of jail free card for acting like a complete bitch to another woman.

something2say Thu 08-Jan-15 17:36:47

Can you ask her not to talk to you about it?

sckwidinc Thu 08-Jan-15 17:37:28

Yes, though seeing her, on more or less a daily basis is tough. I have to grit my teeth... I feel so shit about the guys wife. It'll end in tears for her I'm sure of it.

something2say Thu 08-Jan-15 17:43:19

It will and it's not very nice for anyone involved. Your mum sounds bitter. And it's important that you think about what her actions mean I think. They must have changed the way you see her.

warysara Thu 08-Jan-15 18:51:01

It is none of your business. Say you don't agree with it and move on.

sourdrawers Fri 09-Jan-15 10:57:57

It's a horrible dilemma this one OP. I've a friend currently having a fling with a married man, I introduced them to each other as well. Naturally I, (sort of) blame myself, I can't help it. I'm thinking of calling his wife, but I'm just too cowardly to bring myself to.

There's no easy answer here. It will end and it will probably be ugly and painful, but it'll just have to play itself out. You just have to view it as a part of your Mum's life that you want nothing to do with.

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