Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Family members that piss you off, over & over again. Every family has one of these right?

(26 Posts)
jimijack Thu 08-Jan-15 15:44:17

Obviously I can't say anything but dear God I could let rip at my bloody sister & let her have it with both barrels if only I could.

It frustrates me SO much.

Every family has one though.

Who is it in your family & why do they do your head in?
Have you ever said anything? Did it help or was it a mistake in hindsight?

cozietoesie Thu 08-Jan-15 15:49:21

What is she doing to annoy you so?

jimijack Thu 08-Jan-15 16:06:57

She takes advantage of my mother.
She has her doing her washing for her now as her machine broke. She has another but can't be arsed to get it.
Hasn't given mum Washing powder or conditioner. Turns up with bags of dirty washing. Mum is a pensioner.
Dumps her child on my mum from Friday till Sunday every weekend. Mum had her child for the whole of last week.
Her car broke down, she is going mad because my dad hasn't been to fix it. He is in bed crippled with arthritis.

It goes on & on.

They don't say anything to her for some reason.

I can't, non of my business, but it does my head in.
My mum moans to me about it all the time.

firesidechat Thu 08-Jan-15 16:13:17

I have one, but she is not a blood relative or an in law. Sometimes family members have appalling taste in partners. She also treats my pensioner parents badly, but they are capable of standing up for themselves, so we all just put on a rictus grin and ignore as much as possible.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 08-Jan-15 16:14:29

Why is it 'obvious' that you can't say anything? Sitting on your hands while someone else goes around being offensive is a short-cut to a stress-related illness. Your Mum and Dad seem complicit in allowing her spoilt brat act to go unchallenged but don't think you have to collude with them

Say what you think...

jimijack Thu 08-Jan-15 16:21:37

No.
It's not my place. It's up to them to say no. They choose to continue to "support" her.

Groovee Thu 08-Jan-15 16:22:42

My half siblings do not ever blue e they are wrong... Like my dad. They all cause shit regularly, yet my dad has a go at me, despite me being the one who takes them to hospital appointments, shopping etc.

Dad they are clones of you and there is a reason I ignored you for a year!!!

Groovee Thu 08-Jan-15 16:23:14

Believe not blue.

SirChenjin Thu 08-Jan-15 16:29:16

My Aunt by marriage. She is obsessed with her DD and shows no interest in anyone else, thinks that I am a roaring snob, has to be the (loud) life and soul of any family gathering, and is a lifelong supporter of Scottish independence based on a hatred of the English. She and I will probably never see eye to eye.

oldestmumaintheworld Thu 08-Jan-15 16:30:13

She's your sister, you're entitled to say something. If she were your SIL then that's different, but you are blood relatives so speak up. If you don't your head will explode. And if you are lucky she won't ever speak to you again.

On the other hand, will she improve if you don't let her know how you feel and will you end up hating yourself as well as her?

jimijack Thu 08-Jan-15 16:36:19

It frustrates me but doesn't occupy my every waking thought! Doesn't affect me that much.
I am not entitled to tell her at all. She is a 40 year old woman.
They will not say anything which surprises me as they are both very outspoken people my parents.

I disagree - someone is taking advantage of your parents - that gives you the right to interfere!

In our family, it is my FIL who pisses us off over and over again. He and MIL divorced some years ago, so when we had to tell him that she had died (of cancer) I didn't expect him to be grief-stricken, but I am very angry that he has not once asked if dh or his brother are coping with the loss of their mum, after a long, painful illness that was stressful for all of us - especially BIL who lives near where mil lived and therefore did a lot of the care and supporting during the years of her illness, and who now has a massive hole in his life.

He has, however, asked all of us several times, what is happening to the money MIL was paying him (part of the divorce settlement - to do with the house), and has a list of things he wants from the house - despite knowing that he has no rights to any of it, following the divorce. Some of it is sentimental stuff, and I do understand why he wants it, but fgs, FIL, we have only just buried her, please have a bit of sensitivity.

I swear, if he rings me again, with more of this crap, I WILL be telling him what I think! even though you could argue it is not my responsibility - he's not my dad - but I care about dh and his brother, and I WILL stand up for them!

Madamecastafiore Thu 08-Jan-15 16:55:24

Step monster, father, sister and 2 half brothers.

Have gone NC so I no longer get infuriated, I couldn't recommend it more.

AndTheBandPlayedForGingerbread Thu 08-Jan-15 17:03:33

My sister. No Contact as well.

Joysmum Thu 08-Jan-15 17:31:48

All my dads side of the family have cut off the younger of the brothers.

He and his wife are everything eceryone hates.

They live in filth.

Never had any intentions of working.

Never do anything or take responsibility.

They are on the take

He pulled my disabled uncle out if his wheelchair to hit him when we were are the hospital when my nan died.

They are Wayne and waynetta slob.

Luckily only 1 of 3 of my cousins turned out the same.

Molotov Thu 08-Jan-15 17:37:27

My toxic extended family: aunt, cousins and their children.

No contact for one year (aside from me receiving occasional abusive letters and verbal abuse if I bump into them).

I only regret not speaking my mind sooner, and allowing myself to be constantly slapped down by them for all those years just because "they're family".

annielostit Thu 08-Jan-15 17:41:09

Mother & sister.

Both me me me in a conversation. Sister has middle child syndrome - middle of 4??

Meerka Thu 08-Jan-15 18:59:58

He pulled my disabled uncle out if his wheelchair to hit him when we were are the hospital when my nan died.

Jesus! I hope that your uncle was ok.

KouignAmann Thu 08-Jan-15 19:24:11

If your DM is not addressing your sister's behaviour but venting to you and giving you the rage then you can stop enabling her by providing sympathy. "What are you going to do about that?" is the stock MN phrase I believe.

We have this with my DPs DSis who is a doormat to her abusive XH and DS then vents on the phone but won't assert herself ever. DP has offered to change the locks/beat up XH/lend her money etc etc but she just wants a whinge and then goes on lying on the floor to be walked on. Grr!

Bumbiscuits Thu 08-Jan-15 19:37:20

I finally went NC with my narc mother a couple of years ago after she became violent with me. Up until then it was only verbal abuse, lies and manipulation. My siblings and sibling-in-laws (all lovely) still have her in their lives and envy my freedom from her. I must say it feels great.

I hope you are able to support your mum in standing up to your sister.

SugarOnTop Thu 08-Jan-15 20:01:11

you may think it's non of your business to intervene.......but you do realise that your lack of action is not only condoning her behaviour but you are actually enabling her to abuse your parents?

by the sounds of it your parents are quite frail....they probably need somebody stronger than them to make the first step in standing up to her. if someone feels like they have no support they are not likely to make changes that are beneficial to them.

they are YOUR parents and she is YOUR sister - find your inner bitch and deal with it.

cafesociety Thu 08-Jan-15 22:45:35

Aunt and a cousin: boastful, arrogant, superior people always name dropping and judging others.

Half sister: selfish and self serving, immature and a user.

Now no contact, wish I hadn't given them so many, many chances.

Basilbrushestail Thu 08-Jan-15 23:43:22

My sister, total narc. Devoid of emotion, done too many things to hurt me to forgive and never apologised.

I have gone nc with her.

chimichanga1976 Fri 09-Jan-15 10:41:15

Maybe you could offer your parents( if they want to tell her they're unhappy but lack the courage, that is) that you'll be there with them for moral support? They ( or you ) could instigate the conversation, you can just join in if and when necessary, for e.g.

I'm just thinking, if this all took it's toll on your parents' health eventually, would you not feel a little bit bad that you hadn't intervened sooner?

They should be dealing with their own lives/problems and not spending their energies ( at least re your mother ) on a 40yr old woman. She's a pure piss-taker!

I wrote an email to my remaining so-called "family". Not sure if email is current so I'm gonna print it out and send it today, addressing it to my Granda, to ensure the dodgey uncles don't see it first and withold it from him.

It's all in my thread I did a while back called Why Are My Family So Weird?

I think we're all programmed to tolerate a hell of a lot more BS and mistreatment from relatives than we would ever put up with from anyone else. I would've told a friend, neighbour, colleague etc to " Get to F!?K!" a long time ago!

QueenVick Fri 09-Jan-15 12:52:25

My mother (I hate calling her that, as she is so far away from being a true mother) and my brother.

NC with both of them, best thing I have ever robe for myself and my family (DH and DC's) its been difficult though as I have also lost my dad due to going NC but it had to be done.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now