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Strange Porn Habits- WWYD?

(111 Posts)
CerealDater Thu 08-Jan-15 10:28:59

NC for this thread as lots of colleagues on here.

Context: I met a lovely bloke in September 2014 and we started seeing each other. We were both clear that we were having fun- great sex, brilliant days out, nice dates, just a really good laugh. If it turned into something more then fine but if not, then we'd let it run its course. Bottom line: he's not my DP, I don't love him, I'm not terribly emotionally attached. I've known since we met that he likes porn and I have no problem with this at all.

Yesterday: Last night I was round his place for tea. I needed to book a train ticket for today and he said I could do it on his laptop. I was completely freaked out by his search history that came up when I searched for a few things. There was the usual guff of "black girls big tits" "blonde massive tits" "spanked booties" etc etc. Fine. But there was also some really weird stuff that he'd searched for like "pictures of used tampons" "pictures of sex during period" "vomit porn".

I should say that there was nothing illegal on the searches. I'm just a bit freaked out and not sure what to do. On the one hand, our sex is just completely normal and if I hadn't found the searches then I'd be none the wiser so I should just carry on. On the other hand, you can't unknow stuff and this has just made me question whether he's a bit perverted and could escalate our sex to start requesting weird stuff...

But, I've always maintained that I'm fine with him watching porn so it seems a bit rich for me to now say that I'm not happy with the particular kind of porn IYSWIM.

WWYD?!

Vivacia Thu 08-Jan-15 10:32:47

I've known since we met that he likes porn and I have no problem with this at all.

I don't see what the problem is confused

janx Thu 08-Jan-15 10:34:36

For me it would be a total turn off. I wouldn't really want to be with someone who was into looking at stuff like that.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 08-Jan-15 10:34:56

I don't think it would be hypocritical at all to say that you can tolerate 'traditional' pornography but find the sick variations disgusting. If someone says they like music but then you discover they mean White Supremacist Bluegrass or Woman-hating gangster rap it's going to colour your opinion.

CerealDater Thu 08-Jan-15 10:37:35

Hi vivacia the issue is that when he said he liked porn, I did assume it was traditional stuff. If he'd said 'I like watching videos of people being sick on each other' I might have backed away

Yes, janx and cogito This is the issue but how do I address it with him having previously said that porn is fine.

dirtybadger Thu 08-Jan-15 10:38:58

Well it's not illegal and actually it sounds quite innocent (okay vomit is gross...) compared to the violent stuff some people watch. More than that it may simply be the sort of fantasy stuff he'd never actually want to act out. Plenty of people watch porn with content they wouldn't dream of actually doing.

Try and ignore, if you're alright with porn in general (IMO).

If he requests anything you're uncomfortable with say no. If he doesn't respect that 100% then ditch him.

At least you know period sex isn't a problem smile

Weathervain Thu 08-Jan-15 10:40:09

You know he is not the one for you wrt a long term relationship and you are not in love with him. At the moment you are just enjoying the great times you are having together. I would just carry on with this and let the relationship run it's course. If you start to have deeper feelings for him you will need to bring up the porn issue and see how far this interest goes. Fwiw I don't think this type of porn is massively unhealthy (I would be more worried about violence etc) but slightly odd. Maybe it's just curiosity?

emeline Thu 08-Jan-15 10:40:19

I can't believe this is a real question.

how to address it with him

What's the problem? Just speak the truth?

Vivacia Thu 08-Jan-15 10:40:37

But you're ok with the earlier search terms? I don't see much difference, it's all legal.

Jan45 Thu 08-Jan-15 10:40:37

I also would find it a massive turn off, I'd also imagine it could be illegal, if not, it's definitely abusive, not my cup of tea at all.

janx Thu 08-Jan-15 10:41:19

Well you probably are not going to have much luck getting him to stop so talk to him about it and see how he reacts. You've only been seeing him 3 months so better to find out now then further down the line

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 08-Jan-15 10:41:28

" how do I address it with him having previously said that porn is fine."

'Your web searches are disgusting. I'm OK with porn but you've been checking out some really sick stuff.... Is that what you're really into?'

HootyMcTooty Thu 08-Jan-15 10:42:19

You don't have a problem with porn. Aside from the period and vomit stuff, the rest seems pretty mainstream. The language used to describe porn online is mysoginistic and vulgar, that just a fact. What did you think he was searching for when looking for porn? They don't use flowery/poetic language.

As for the less mainstream stuff, it's quite common for people who rely heavily on porn to explore the more extreme/fetish stuff over time, it becomes normalised.

Either you're ok with it or your not. Don't continue this relationship on the basis that he promises not to look at weird stuff, or that he'll change. All he'll do is hide it better.

Vivacia Thu 08-Jan-15 10:47:14

All he'll do is hide it better.

He didn't hide it, the OP looked through his search history.

SassyPasty Thu 08-Jan-15 10:48:00

*Jan45

I also would find it a massive turn off, I'd also imagine it could be illegal, if not, it's definitely abusive, not my cup of tea at all.*

confused which of those acts do you consider to be illegal or abusive?

CerealDater Thu 08-Jan-15 10:48:22

Hi all,

hooty Yes I wasn't at all expecting poetic language to search for porn. It's not the language that bothers me its the fact that he wants to look at pictures of people throwing up on each whilst fucking!

I know it's all perfectly legal but I am finding it a turn off. He's meant to be coming to mine on the weekend but TBH I'm finding it hard to look forward to it, I just keep coming back to the stuff he's been looking at. But, as someone said, he might just be experimenting.

Yes, definitely need to address it head on I think and find out what's going on.

SassyPasty Thu 08-Jan-15 10:48:37

Bold fail grin

dirtybadger Thu 08-Jan-15 10:51:05

Delay date, have a think, ditch if you can't get over it? You're not wrong to be uncomfortable with it, it is what it is...it's not worth loads of angst if you're essentially 3/4 months into a FWB sort of relationship.

Annarose2014 Thu 08-Jan-15 10:54:00

Why do you need to talk to him about it? You'll only embarress the poor chap, and he's only a fling anyway, right?

If you don't love him and you can't get past it, just consider the relationship to have run its course. I think it's a valid reason - not liking his fetishes. You can just tell him you really enjoyed your time together but want to be unattached for a while.

I just don't see the need for a big discussion about it when he's basically a fuck buddy. confused

Jan45 Thu 08-Jan-15 10:57:48

Sassy, do you honestly believe `vomit porn` is not abusive.....

Most porn is abusive anyway and fuck all to do with real life sex.

happyyonisleepyyoni Thu 08-Jan-15 10:58:01

Perhaps he has a sick sense of humour and was looking for pictures to gross out a friend. There's a lot of posters on MN who like looking at "sporn" I wonder if their partners would ditch them if they found out....

velouria Thu 08-Jan-15 10:58:36

I don't think you can know if he actually has these fetishes. Maybe he is on some mumsnet type forum and googles, I mean Jesus Ive googled some random shit after reading threads on here.

dominogocatgo Thu 08-Jan-15 10:58:38

He may have watched it out of disbelief or curiosity rather than the subject being something he's 'into'. There were several porn movies made in the 70's and 80's which featured animals, and many people watched them for the WTF factor.

CerealDater Thu 08-Jan-15 10:59:40

Annarose Hmmm, this is true but I do feel I should be honest with him about my reasons for unattaching myself. Or perhaps not. I don't know. Before him I was in a 7 year relationship where we lived together, bought a house, had a dog etc so the rules of the game were very very different. I don't really know what I'm doing with dating and casual sex wink

SassyPasty Thu 08-Jan-15 11:07:37

Vomit porn is a fetish porn Jan45. Not illegal and not abusive and most of the population would probably not 'get' it (me included).

I think OP, if it alters your view of this chap (it doesn't matter what the relationship deal is) then he may not be for you. It's like knowing they have a nasty habit and you can't get that out of your mind - I once caught an ex picking scabs and eating them (boak boak boak) I couldn't bear the thought of ever kissing him again confused Not same thing, I know but it was something I couldn't unknow grin

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