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Dh close to nervous breakdown.

(8 Posts)
Deckthehallswithdesperation Thu 08-Jan-15 07:43:18

So, we're circling the drain. If you've read my previous threads you'll know I'm about to tell dh I want a divorce. He's well aware of our position. Our younger dd is in a secure unit & I need to wait for her psych to come back off annual leave to prepare for the fallout. In the meantime, other dd has broken foot, water tank burst, mil still in hosp dying & out of the blue, our builder turned up yesterday to say he'll be back to finish the work he started in two weeks time! My dh is close to a nervous breakdown. Right at this moment he's ok but when our dd broke her foot he nearly collapsed completely. He was effing & blinding 'f**king stupid girl'. Later that night I saw him slumped, so dejected, eyes black. He looked dreadful. Last night he was complaining about chest pains & difficulty breathing. He has high blood pressure 157/107 - untreated. He'd never go to a doctor. It's like all our stars are lining up to give us maximum disaster. I don't know what to do for the best. From his point of view, all the women in his life are in trouble/making trouble & his sanctuary (home) is a building site, soon to start up again. Any ideas?

pleaseclosethedoor Thu 08-Jan-15 07:48:25

Sorry you're going through this. How urgent is the building work? Can it be postponed until situation has calmed down a bit? Hope you're ok.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 08-Jan-15 07:52:13

Sorry you have so many horrible things happening at once. You're going to have to try and split them into the things you can do something about and the things you can't. Sick relatives and a husband that won't seek medical assistance have to go in the last category.... Protecting your children from people who abuse them, you can still make a difference.

Deckthehallswithdesperation Thu 08-Jan-15 08:09:38

I should mention about the building work that it REALLY has to be done. Bits of our house are in such poor repair, if it were a council property or private rented it would be condemned. I thought the builder would never return as dh usually falls out with everyone but to my consternation he's back. Just as I'd got used to the idea this was the state of the house I'd be left with. Now, just after I'd planned a meeting with dd's chief psych to handle the fall-out another bomb is dropped in the mix. Can you imagine your wife filing for divorce you can't possibly leave me I'm a god, you spendthrift wastrel both dd's having problems, your beloved mother finally abandoning you my wife doesn't worship me like my mother does & your private sanctuary being bulldozed. Add to that being severely overweight & permanently knackered! I still love him & I feel really sorry for him, it's truly awful. But I'm still divorcing.

MinceSpy Thu 08-Jan-15 08:26:01

What a terrible situation for you all. Maybe you could focus on both your daughters and getting the house fixed. For your own sake I'd postpone the divorce announcement until things are a little clearer. Your husband needs to take responsibility for himself and if divorce is the right thing for you then so be it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 08-Jan-15 08:28:35

There will be no 'good time' to divorce. If you wait for the opportune moment, the risk is you will wait for ever. So you might as well do it now. Good luck

Deckthehallswithdesperation Thu 08-Jan-15 09:03:03

Dd is doing really well & they are considering her release but it's easy to see a divorce cld tip her over the edge again. That's why I want to break the news very soon before she comes out so if she collapses she'll have the best care on hand to help her & keep her safe.

MyTeethAreChattering Thu 08-Jan-15 09:12:39

Stop worrying about him. Many of the bad things in his life at the moment he brought on himself.

Concentrate on what is right for you and DDs.

IMO it would be worse to leave later when things are starting to improve.

Leaving at rock bottom, you can each find your own way back up unhindered by the other one holding you down.

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