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first boyf post separation - feeling wobbly (long)

(2 Posts)
Handywoman Wed 07-Jan-15 23:17:36

Hi all. Left my crappy EA stbxh-of-14yrs in June 2013. There was no love by the time I kicked him out - but there has been plenty of hurt from his continued entitled and crappy behaviour and a total lack of closure (he simply sloped off - tosser) and is little more than an EOW babysitter for my dc. I am in counselling, I have come a long way but still have a way to go to truly detach from he twunt!

In August this year I met a wonderful man who treats me very well and really sees the real 'me'. We have become close, it's progressed quite fast, sex is great, we have lots in common in terms of personality, likes, he is also divorced and has a dd similar in age to my youngest. I have been thoroughly enjoying the relationship, which feels very equal even though he is a keen bean (he is very respectful). The dc have met on a couple of occasions (please please please let's NOT get onto that issue) just so they kind of know who's who etc.

He is very keen on me and would move in go the whole hog - marriage the lot. I have told him I feel very very cautious about this relationship because my ex and I got together in a whirlwind romance and married very quickly. He has been very respectful of that. When he has suggested inviting my dc over on 2 occasions, not only have I declined but I have totally freaked, like, really freaked!!!!! In fact I'm surprised at how petrified at the idea of merging things that way.

I think I am realising that I do not want to be in a blended family (he is a fantastic dad which my ex never was, but his different parenting style is doting, and different from mine, which is more one of 'benign neglect').

This has made me feel very down about my future - that I will never be in a supportive full time partner relationship, that I had my chance at family life and that's it for me now.... which is fine, but sad. I'd like to think the option was there rather than feel that the door has closed forever.

I think I am on the brink of re-thinking this relationship as I don't know if he'll be happy to settle for a non-blended situation long term (though I don't know for sure) - he is always so keen to help me out and be functional - he is a 'doer' - again the total opposite to my ex.

Is this a rebound relationship that I 'needed to get out of my system'?? Do I need to take 'time out' from it???? Do I have issues about meeting other peoples' needs????????? Am I just too darn vulnerable still??? This wobble has really got me scared, I'm petrified of feeling this petrified!! I am questioning everything..... I'm on completely new ground and it's scary!! help!!!

knightofswords Wed 07-Jan-15 23:35:52

relax!!!!!! Enjoy the moment. Your post gives me hope that great sex is possible after utterly shite marriage. Justblive in the present and enjoy him.

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