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Stop me from being a mentalist

(14 Posts)
zigazigah01 Wed 07-Jan-15 14:14:55

Oh wise mumsnetters, please stop me from fucking up my new relationship.

Back story: have broken engagement under my belt and have had turbulent time. Have spent 3 years going for Mr Unavailables.

Then I asked out a friend of a friend who I had a good feeling about.

Have now been seeing him
for 2 months and he's lovely. smile

All had gone swimmingly well: he is funny, thoughtful and I feel there is real chemistry between us, although we've not DTD yet. He doesn't play games, is attentive and caring.

Last night we came out of a film late. He wanted me to stay out with him a little longer but I was really tired. I said that, and then felt bad - felt I'd been a little grumpy with him, although I don't think he picked it up as such. I then felt really emotional - like I'd popped our perfect bubble.

I guess I am anxious something is going to go wrongs. I'm anxious there are red flags I'm not seeing. I'm anxious that we have not DTD yet and that is going to go wrong. The reason we've not is that we've both said
we don't want to rush things, although I am now at the point of wanting things to move along.

He was utterly lovely. Was just a bit perplexed as towhat was wrong and worried he'd done something to upset me. Had a few texts today and it's all fine and forgotten about as far as he is concerned.

I am being ridiculous, aren't I?

FunkyBoldRibena Wed 07-Jan-15 14:16:19

Sorry - what's the problem? You were tired and so didn't want to stay out and you think that is an issue?

zigazigah01 Wed 07-Jan-15 14:21:06

No, I don't think that's an issue and I don't think you've read my post properly.

The issue is I feel anxious for no reason.

AbbeyBartlet Wed 07-Jan-15 14:26:06

Its understandable that you are anxious, if it is bad have you had any kind of therapy?

However, using the word "mentalist" in the title is a little unpleasant though.

zigazigah01 Wed 07-Jan-15 14:30:36

I've not been to therapy, no. I probably should have three years ago but just tried to deal with things myself.

Apologies - was being flippant, rather than intending any offence.

VanitasVanitatum Wed 07-Jan-15 14:31:45

You know you're being ridiculous, that's a good start! wink

Turbulent times have left you over thinking and over anxious. Also sounds like you expect perfection of yourself in a relationship and think he won't want you if you aren't absolutely perfect. Logically though you know that isn't the case. Once you have found a nice guy, just let him be nice. Try to relax, breathe, enjoy it.

You don't have to be perfect and nor does he. It will happen if it's meant to and really, there is nothing you can do to force it or to 'break it' if you just be yourself and let it happen.

Hard to do when you're anxious I know, but you risk pushing him away if you constantly put pressure on yourself and anxiety in the relationship.

zigazigah01 Wed 07-Jan-15 14:38:31

Thank you. I think I do over analyse/ / over think and really there's no point in it.

I am seeing him again tonight and am just not going to mention it/move on.

Need to live in the moment more!

Lottegirl Wed 07-Jan-15 14:46:26

I used to be like this in relationships, and still a bit. I worry a lot about what has been said/what hasn't been said and why. What we have and have not done and I compare to other relationships.

What I find helps is to concentrate on something I am interested in, ie. a good book, an artcile a chat to a friend etc. And then when I go back to the text/anxious thoughts, they are for the most part, gone.

It's hard to do, but if you can make yourself stop over thinking for even half an hour, usually half an hour later it doesnt seem so bad smile

zigazigah01 Wed 07-Jan-15 17:19:52

Thanks, yeah, you are right. Need to squash these feelings a bit until they pass.

lemisscared Wed 07-Jan-15 17:24:49

what is a mentalist?

LeBearPolar Wed 07-Jan-15 17:28:08

Patrick Jane? confused

zigazigah01 Wed 07-Jan-15 17:46:31

I meant it in a flippant stop me acting ridiculous sort of way. It's an expression I would use with friends. Apologies if it has offended anyone or confused anyone (no I didn't mean like the TV series grin) but I now can't seem to change it on the app.

Realise it's not PC or its proper meaning.

NanaNina Wed 07-Jan-15 17:51:33

I'm only posting to object to the OP using the word mentalist in the title. This is a very derogatory term especially to the thousands of people who suffer from mental illness. There is still a stigma attached to mental health issues even in this day and age and the use of words like this just increase the stigma.

lemisscared Wed 07-Jan-15 18:08:50

Used in context i dont have an issue with the word - so someone who does extreme sports might be described as a mentalist, it isn't a negative connotation and i can separate it from MH issues.

I think this OP highlights how it can be used negatively in a way that might upset someone with MH issues.

That said, i sympathise with the OP as she clearly is struggling with anxiety issues and i know how crap that can be.

OP if you look on the mental health section of mumsnet there are some useful links. One of them being to mood gym. Its an online CBT course and can help with things like anxiety.

You are allowed to be tired, you are even allowed to be grouchy - if this guy is a keeper he will probably not even notice, and if he does he will think poor you, must be tired etc and not hold it against you - if he does, well then you haven't lost anything.

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