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Does anyone ever do "trial separations" these days - or

(15 Posts)
Somethingtodo Wed 07-Jan-15 00:14:40

were these just a "soft landing" type announcement in the 70/80's when divorce was less socially acceptable? And if you have done a TS - did you get back together.

Lovingfreedom Wed 07-Jan-15 00:20:56

I'd be concerned if a partner suggested a trial separation that they might want to try out someone else without the repercussions of infidelity. 'We were on a break!'

Somethingtodo Wed 07-Jan-15 01:08:53

Never thought of another person in the equation - but I see your point. Do people who separate - without some else in the frame already - ever choose to do a TS - and agree that there should not be another relationship during this time?

It was a thing tho wasnt it?...dont hear about it much now

reddaisy Wed 07-Jan-15 01:16:45

My DH had a trial separation from his ex wife. They clearly went on to divorce. He moved out and said in hindsight he now realises he suggested it as a stepping stone towards divorce, he didn't have a relationship with anyone during that period and I doubt she did either although I obviously can't say for sure. But you are right, they aren't really a 'thing' anymore. Maybe because the cost of running two households is so prohibitive? DH only managed it because he inherited a small sum which he used to keep the two households running.

thatsnotmynamereally Wed 07-Jan-15 07:29:32

I've been wondering about this, it is never mentioned in all the 'divorce' advice I find online, perhaps because it isn't something formal that solicitors can get involved in (and charge for) but perhaps the inevitability of the split means that it's not realistic to do a trial run, so to speak. And the costs would be so high that it would probably get acrimonious anyway. I looked into proposing something called a separation agreement (actually cannot remember what it was called, it's an option on the divorce form) instead of divorce but solicitor said I'd just end up going through process twice.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Wed 07-Jan-15 08:34:20

I think, in general, that if someone suggests a trial separation it's because they actually want to split but don't actually want to admit it/say it. I would really really worry if my DH suggested a trial separation and would see it as the beginning of the end.

Granville72 Wed 07-Jan-15 09:38:42

My exH asked for a trial separation so he could keep his options open if it didn't work out with the new woman.

I refused and said if you're going then it's divorce, and divorce we did. I wont ever be someone's back up plan when they find the grass isn't greener on the other side

GotToBeInItToWinIt Wed 07-Jan-15 09:49:03

I agree Granville, to me it smacks of 'I want to go and see if I'm happier on my own/someone else. If not I might as well come back to you'.

Somethingtodo Wed 07-Jan-15 11:18:12

its a bit crazy really - as it supposedly gives hope or the impression that there is some time-out/space to come to terms with feelings, see the wood for the trees etc - and maybe work things through to a positive reunion......but surely working things out should be done under one roof.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 07-Jan-15 11:26:43

I don't know. Was talking to friend and I think it has the advantage of setting up what divorce would be like. It is always going to be the last very slim chance though, not going to be any good if there is someone else involved but if you are on the verge of splitting because one partner is a lazy arse it's more appropriate as a last chance to change.

ivykaty44 Wed 07-Jan-15 14:12:25

For some couples would it not be a good idea as many people seem to divorce and regret that choice later, especially men seem to move swiftly and then regret it later on.

BeggarsCantBeChoosers Wed 07-Jan-15 14:18:27

Years ago I knew someone who separated. It wasn't a trial separation and as far as I am aware it wasn't a legal separation either, because no one was in dispute.

He improved his behaviour and she moved back in with him, but I don't know if they're still together today because I've lost contact over the years.

ivykaty44 Wed 07-Jan-15 15:20:11

I know of a few couples who have either separated or even divorced and have got back together. One couple had a vary acrimonious divorce and she went to live in another country but after two years they got back together and are together 7 years on. So possibly it would have been better for them yo trial life apart...?

Jan45 Wed 07-Jan-15 15:59:22

Doesn't always mean that, sometimes when things are so stressful and frustrating having a break from each other can help you both think more clearly, when you are in the thick of animosity, resentment, anger etc, having that time apart can help you both see things more calmly and in the right perspective.

Somethingtodo Thu 08-Jan-15 00:14:42

Jan that was what my original thinking was but it is rare to hear anyone doing this.

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