Hi
I don't normally do these forum things but things have got to a point of where I am crying out for help.
I know a lot of women experience extreme broodiness but I want to give my experience and hope that those who have worked on how to deal with it can help me.
I feel I need to give a good background about me to fully explain this. I am 24 and have a good job, funnily enough I am a sonographer and so scanning pregnant women is a huge part of my life. However it was before this that I started experiencing severe depression due to broodiness. I have dealt with it since I was about 17.
At the age of 19 I fell pregnant accidentally and although my partner at the time (who was in his early 30s) didn't want to keep it, I did. Unfortunately I suffered a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks and the loss of the baby drove me to complete despair and what was already not a particularly healthy relationship broke down even further.
In hindsight the miscarriage was a blessing in disguise because I went on to be able to complete my studies and have a good career and also meet someone who is truly amazing to me.
I have been with my partner a mere year but we have already discussed our hopes for our future together and we can genuinely see marrying each other at some point and having children. We have had an incredibly difficult year and together have been through what most couples would have not even dealt with five years down the line. He has finished his degree and started his masters in law in the hope to get a training contract at a london law firm. But even more difficult this year has been the loss of my father who was 86.
I always knew that my father would not be around for a huge part of my life and so I was always scared to lose him and I think this has contributed to my need to start a family. To top things off both my partner and I are living away from each other (me in my mother's house and him at his parents till he can afford to move here). I am still living with my mother because she has cancer, and unfortunately they do not know how much longer she has left.
I feel like my family is dwindling into nothing rather rapidly. The only other member of my family I really have is my half brother who is 20 years older than I.
All these factors I believe have contributed greatly to my extreme need of having a child. My partner knows this and is sympathetic but he does not want children with me now. It's understandable, it's only been a year of us being together and he is trying to build his career. He says we are only young and should enjoy being so, but I can't. He doesn't understand how much it tears me up inside despite seeing how it reduces me to tears. This is a frequent occurrence and admittedly it does most of the time align up with my cycles. He won't shift on when we may start to try to have children and I am acutely aware that I will have at least four more years until we start trying and it's another four years of feeling crushed month after month...
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Please Help... A woman really opening her heart up about her broodiness
Magurndy · 06/01/2015 20:54
What's the basis for his 4 year limit on this? Just curious as I'm a lawyer myself. Is it a year to finish the masters, a year for LPC and two years for training contract? In theory I don't see a reason why he couldn't have a child while still a trainee - he should be on a decent salary and as a man his work would not particularly be disrupted by time off if he just took a couple of weeks of paternity.
However I agree you are still young and still have plenty of time and should try not to panic about this.
Sorry you're having it tough
As a medical professional you will know that fertility doesn't take a big slide until average age 37.
Your partner sounds lovely - and sensible. 4 years is no time. Why not set yourself another career goal you want to attain in that time? Or a savings pot that allows you something you want, like a year of maternity leave, or extended career break? Or other non work related goal that would be hard post baby. Give YOU a reason to benefit from the 4 year wait.
But the real focus has to be ADs and counselling, and finding your balance there.
As each cycle is a trigger to upset you, and the PMT doesn't help either, could you consider long term contraception to reduce that? Injection perhaps, might get rid of your periods for a year, or running contraceptive pill packs back to back?
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Some good advice on here. Your baby is worth waiting for and I'm sure you'll be a lovely mum. You have a lot on your plate...could you try thinking of dealing with the things you are going through as important baby preparation? Some people take folic acid to prepare, other people have emotional stuff to deal with that will be important to you. I'm ten years older than you and ideally earlier may have been better but DH wasn't ready. It's really nice to be giving it a go knowing he is genuinely on board. I think it's hard when someone is telling you NO though. For PMT I highly recommend starflower oil and evening primrose tablets - £3 from Wilkos.
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