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How does he feel about me?

(7 Posts)
Anonymous2022 Tue 06-Jan-15 17:35:26

Hi all, Iv been wanting to get advice for a while now but kept shrugging it off thinking it will all get better.

Back in October just gone on our fifth year anniversary my husband told me he didn't know if he loved me anymore. It was completely random and he wasn't even angry when he said it. At first I thougt it was a sick joke and laughed and said okay mr whatever you say, but then he repeated it an he looked really stressed out and sad. After a few moments to think I then asked him what had brought this on but then things have been a bit odd for a while now I guess. I mean we would cuddle and still kiss (pecks) but our sex life was not what it used to be. When we first got married and right up until my first child was 2 things were great in that department but slowly changed to about once a week which is okay I guess but nothing compared to what we were. Anyway our marriage in other ways was fine. Our sex life used to about three times a wee when we were trying for our second and I got pregnant pretty quickly, we were happy. But when I started to get more pregnant things got bad again but I put it down to him stressing over university and what not. Anyway long story short is that shortly after our second was born he wouldn't come near me..I lost all my baby weight after only four months and always try with my appearance and make an effort with everything. Anyway..after this day of telling me he didn't love me he said he was red to try and bring the love back and started to become quite clingy and cuddly, it was very odd, he seemed depressed and I honestly put it down to that because how can things change like this? Anyway after a week things were still the same and I was becoming very depressed and heart broken and he told me he did love me and that he was just stressed out with things. I accepted and things are fine I guess but he doesn't come near me in the bedroom but still cuddles me here and ther. I can't remember the last time we kissed properly and well I can't help but feel that my feelings are starting to change for him because he's pushing me away so much and I can't get those words out my head. Also this is a bit cheeses but when we were going through our bad patch input his hand on my chest and asked if he could feel my heart, he said yes and I told him it only beats for him. I asked him how that made him feel and he said I feel nothing. sad anyway..just looking for some advice because I don't know what to do to make it better. Everything I try to talk to him and tell him how I feel he says he's sorry and will try harder but doesn't. He's a wonderful dad to our two daughters but I feel he doesn't try with us anymore.

Sorry for the rant and thanks in advance x

Anonymous2022 Tue 06-Jan-15 17:39:02

Sorry about the spelling errors, hard to type on this iPad lol

BitOutOfPractice Tue 06-Jan-15 17:41:50

I think you probably know what a lot of MNers are going to say don't you?

Are you sure there's no other woman? The things he's saying and doing are very "script"

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Tue 06-Jan-15 17:42:11

Really it's impossible for anyone but him to know how he feels unless he tells them.

I suspect though that that random blurting out of it was honesty. Sometimes it just comes out.

If he won't try, then there's not much you can do. He has to want things to be different/better. It's not something you can achieve for him or on your own.

Would he go to relate with you, do you think? If you said look, we are falling apart and we have to do something.

Have you asked him if he wants to try to make things better and what he thinks might accomplish that?

CaffeLatteIceCream Tue 06-Jan-15 17:44:52

Sorry, sorry, sorry.....but cherchez la femme.

In 100% of the threads that I've read where a man announces he doesn't love his wife anymore, there is another woman.

He is checking out emotionally - "I don't love her in the same way, our marriage is broken so me cheating is not so bad".

Sorry he's putting you through this, OP.

Anonymous2022 Tue 06-Jan-15 17:53:29

Thank you for your replies. Yes my first thought was another women but Iv snooped about on his phone and laptop and can't say Iv came across anything to worry about but I know it's still a possibility. I asked him if there was someone else he said no, I know he could be lying but then I explained in a calm manner that if there was I would rather know so we can figure out our options. I also told him if he didn't want to be with me he needed to be honest. But now he says he does love me and he does want to work on things. So basically he says it but doesn't act on it so I really don't know..

Sophrosyne Tue 06-Jan-15 18:02:50

I dunno.......I've lived through this scenario too.

He's now my Ex. There was another woman. He swore on the life of his kids there wasn't. The depths and lengths of his deception and betrayal to me and the kids shocked me. I would never have guessed he was capable of doing that.

I hope though it turns out differently for you.

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