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Benefit fraud sister made a fool out of me!

(22 Posts)
cathwalker82 Tue 06-Jan-15 14:47:35

Hi there, I just need a place to vent as I'm just fuming. I'll try and keep it as short as possible. For years now I've suspected my sister has been cleaning single parent benefits despite having a long term partner, the father to her three children.

As a person she's very greedy and money hungry and can be a total nightmare always showing off about things she's bought or making out her kids are somehow more provided for then mine as she can afford to buy hers this or that. For years her and her partner have had an on/off relationship, he's moved in, he's moved out etc but now I finally no why.

Although she won't admit it to our family or myself I know she has committed benefit fraud. Like I said I already knew really but daren't approach her about it in the last as she flies off the handle. Anyway after speaking to a family member of her "ex's" who they have screwed over by getting catalogues in his name, phone contracts etc and ended him up in debt I am now 100% certain.

They own a house together but haven't lived in it together for the lad four years since my sisters youngest was born. She moved out when the "split up" moving into a much smaller rented house and he stayed in their home. All seemed normal on the face of things but over the last few years they have carried on like a couple despite declaring to everyone that they are separated. Ie still seeing each other daily, going on holiday together, driving each other's cars, etc.

Everyone thought it was a bit strange that they were suddenly all amicable after years of instant arguments and break ups but no one including our mum and dad would question it.

Anyway the situation is now that he is working part time claiming single parent benefits, he works self employed full time yet still claims working tax credits and income support as he only declares 4k a year income. He has now moved back to his dads house which is a two minute walk from my sisters house as he has claimed he can't afford to pay the mortgage on their house ( a load of tosh ) despite working full time and they have now got a tenant in to rent their house who is effectively paying their mortgage why my bloody sister lives practically rent free as a "single mother" and her partner lives completely rent free at his dad house!

Now don't get me wrong I'm in no way envious as know doing some of you will think I am and I'm just bing bitter, but there's more to it. You see In a stay at home mum whilst my husband works full time and my sister has ridiculed me over this. Saying we must be rolling in benefits ( we don't claim a penny! ) and that how lucky I am to be able to sit on my arse all day. She made me feel like ahi a bad mum for so long and before my husband got his current job he was made redundant from his last employer and we struggled for months until he found work, and temporarily we put a claim in for tax credits which by the time out claim was processed we ended up with only a few hundred pounds as hubby had started his new job. Anyway my sister sat commenting saying oh we are going to be be for scroungers and she just wouldn't let up and all this time she has been claiming herself and illegally.

Well it all came to ahead last month when she got drink and started calling me all sorts and money came into it. Saying oh I'm last of the manner now my hubby has got his new job, and that I was probably screwing all sorts from the council which is exactly what she is doing so I lost it with her. Told her ex's let what I thought of her and told her not to come near me again. I in no way regret that I've cut her out of my life as she has lied to me for too long and put me down endlessly but she is now texting constantly saying she wants to sort things out, but the problem is I don't want to, but now I've got family members learning on me to. But how can I sort things out with her when she is a lying cheating manipulative mare?

Bruiserbereftofsoftness Tue 06-Jan-15 14:53:31

Stuff her.

You won't miss out by being nc.

People like that usually come into what they deserve so leave her to it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 06-Jan-15 14:53:50

If you don't want to have anything to do with your sister, don't cave to pressure. I'm sure you've got plenty of problems of your own to be getting on with, family to take care of etc. Why include anyone in the mix who seems go out of their way to be offensive just because you share a bit of DNA?

Do you all live close together or could you avoid her fairly easily?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 06-Jan-15 14:55:42

And if you want to do society a favour .... National Benefit Fraud Hotline
Telephone: 0800 854 440 (English) grin

TaliZorahVasNormandy Tue 06-Jan-15 15:10:09

Its people like her playing the system that makes the rest of us who need help from benefits a bad name.

cathwalker82 Tue 06-Jan-15 15:25:31

Hi, yes we live in the same town only a few streets up from each other. I can't believe how badly she has treated me and how much she has lied, even putting me down when me and my husband fell on hard times! I am so family orientated and would do ordinarily do anything for anybody but I can't make things up with her. Not only because of the fraud but because the way she has lied and deceived for the last god knows how many years, pretending to struggle "doing it all on her own" whilst I apparently had the "luxury" of having a husband! It makes me feel so angry when I think about it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 06-Jan-15 15:31:43

Nothing worse than an entitled, hypocritical brat with a chip on her shoulder smile Ignore the texts, ignore the family pressure and seriously consider moving house. No good ever comes of living that close to family

cathwalker82 Tue 06-Jan-15 15:36:16

She's been like this all her life. She has always been very bitter and very money hungry always getting her way etc. We got on better as we got older but as soon as we both had children she made everything into a competition an would brag about how my nephews had these trainers and the latest everything and mine didn't ( partly trough my choice not money ) well now I know how she could afford to find that kind of lifestyle.

The problem is she has caused a rift throughout our family an although now she is being seen to try and make things up with me, for the last month she has called me not for to burn to all our family. But when I asked them what she had said the fallout was over to turns out that she told them I got drunk and made a fool out of myself calling her all sorts, which is rubbish!

QueenMartha Tue 06-Jan-15 15:46:00

I thought if they don't live together then she's perfectly entitled to claim as a single parent.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Tue 06-Jan-15 15:47:07

She sounds deeply insecure and confusing material goods as maternal love. My DD doesnt have the latest of anything unless gifted by someone else, my DD has my love, all of it.

QueenMartha Tue 06-Jan-15 16:05:16

I'm sorry for spectacularly missing the point above. I agree with the above that maybe you should try to minimise contact with her and avoid her if at all possible. I wouldn't try to make amends with her just because other family members want you to flowers

Meerka Tue 06-Jan-15 16:18:13

No, you don't have to make up with her. Sometimes enough is enough.

Can block her from texts and from landline. When the flying monkeys (other relatives) get involved, keep calm.

If you think they might understand, you can say that what happened in the argument is rather different from the story they have been told and that it's not the first time it's happened and you've had enough and please can they respect that. If they carry on after that, you can pleasantly but firmly say that you aren't going to agree on this and can you please change the subject.

If you think they won't understand then just say that your sister and you knows the actual truth of what went on, you don't feel it's appropriate to discuss and that the matter is closed. Then ask about auntie Petunia's new chihuahua.

Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Eventually they'll give up.

Family parties are difficult but practise keeping your calm under all circumstances even if you're furious inside. Calm and dignity and unruffled smiles are hard to undermine.

waitingfor3 Tue 06-Jan-15 16:22:10

If you don't live with partner but are supported financially (not CM) then, no you can't claim as a single parent. Running two houses doesn't automatically entitle you to some support.
BUT without auditing bank statements / bill payments HMRC might not be aware.
They should be declaring the rent to a) mortgage company and b) for tax. I think if the house was up for sale a single parent would be eligible for temporary support with rent / mortgage (I had to go to interest only, that way I wasn't having housing benefit to increase my assets).

cathwalker82 Tue 06-Jan-15 17:52:30

Well I've heard lots of people over the years say the same, ie if you don't actually live with your partner then you're not classed as a couple. But then my friend's relative works for the DWP and she has said they don't just look at were you physically live and lay your head each night. And that they look at whether you're carrying on as a couple ie holidaying together, going on days out, paying each other's bills etc, and like I said my sister does all these.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not that viscous that I want her prosecuted/sent to jail etc but what she is doing is really wrong but she doesn't think it is. She feels entitled to claim this money as she said she can't afford to have three children. Well if you can't afford them then don't have them! Me and my dh toyed for over two years whether or not to have our third and although I don't have a problem with people genuinely claiming benefits or top ups I myself wouldn't have chose to have a third child if we had to rely on them heavily never mind having to rely on cheating the system to support them.

sweetkitty Tue 06-Jan-15 18:01:22

My brother has never legally moved out our Mums hour although he's been living with his girlfriend got oh about 14 years.

She does work but claims child tax credits working tax credits etc. he's in and out of work and every time he's not he signs on for jobseekers.

They have a mortgage but only in her name and he gives her housekeeping they have one DC.

I just stay out of it

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 06-Jan-15 18:02:30

Is this the Closer magazine website?

cathwalker82 Tue 06-Jan-15 18:21:38

Well up until now i did the same Hun, and chose to stay out of it but the way she has been with me, judging me by her own standards and even insinuating me and my dh were fiddling the system when we weren't just pushed me over the edge. Plus she spent years playing the struggling single parent card and for ages I sat there and listened to it, giving advice even at times, she just made a fool of me.

mrscumberbatch Tue 06-Jan-15 18:26:25

If your user name is your actual name id get this deleted as its very identifiable

cathwalker82 Tue 06-Jan-15 18:36:09

It is my real name yes, but I've no problem at all with people identifying me. My immediate family would never use a forum and if my sister suddenly decided to well, she already knows what I think of her so it's no biggy.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 06-Jan-15 18:41:43

It's a great day for new joiners using real names and years of birth innit? And we haven't had a good benefits bashing thread in aaaaaages.

cathwalker82 Tue 06-Jan-15 18:50:51

There's no need to be sarcastic. I've no reason whatsoever not to use my real name, and besides, my name is really common so hardly immediately identifiable.

Bruiserbereftofsoftness Tue 06-Jan-15 18:57:48

Just keep away from her and keep your own council from now.

We all have tossers in our families somewhere and as a pp said unless you are a forensic accountant adhering to the benefit guidelines she may not actually be a fraud.

My late nan always said if you are meant to have it it will find you and the same goes here.
If she isn't entitled then she will get caught or spend so much time doing their admin it costs her as much in the long run.

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