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Should I warn the new Girlfriend

(9 Posts)
Titch321 Mon 05-Jan-15 22:35:02

My ex partner hit our 3 year old and badly bruised him 6 years ago, I reported it and he was convicted of assault.
Over the past 5 years access has resumed but I have always been afraid to completely trust him alone with them so regularly spent time with them all. There have been a couple of occasions where they have complained about being smacked of ill handled and the Child Protection Services have become involved, but for the past 2 years there have been no incidents.
3 months ago my ex became involved with another woman (a mother of 3) He'd promised to keep his new relationship separate from our children for the first 3 months as I felt that they needed a transitional period, and he needed to see whether it might go anywhere, but he introduced them all after a week.
My supervisory role has had to end, obviously to make way for this relationship. Now virtually every time they see him, she's with him.
Over Christmas he had them all stay over at his for the 2 days that he had ours, mine say it was boring and noisy, Dad kept shouting at them and his Girlfriend kept shouting at her children.
When she went home with her children, he had a day left with ours alone. My 9 year old has since said that his Dad has smacked him on that last day.
I immediately revoked his access but have not reported it as the smack was not sever.
I do however feel that I need to warn this woman (who I have not met) of his past and what happened after she went back home. (He said she's already aware of his previous conviction) I've written her a brief letter, but I'm putting off posting it. I'd really like to know what anyone would do

something2say Mon 05-Jan-15 22:37:19

Do report it and let the social worker tell the new woman. I don't like the sound of her shouting at her kids either.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 06-Jan-15 07:33:10

I think you should protect your children and let her worry about hers. He has a track record of abuse and I think you should make use of that information by restricting his access through legal channels rather than relying on either yourself to supervise or SS to solve the problem.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 06-Jan-15 07:37:35

Btw..... report the smack that 'wasn't severe'. These are your precious children and he is a violent man. He deserves no chances. The only acceptable level ofabuse is none

Quitelikely Tue 06-Jan-15 07:45:48

I think you should alert ss he is living with 3 children. They need to inform the mum.

Surely your dh was arrested for the first attack on your son?

Ledkr Tue 06-Jan-15 07:50:41

You need to inform social services yes.
They can inform her if they need to.
Can he not have his acess at a contact cebtre?

MinceSpy Tue 06-Jan-15 07:55:25

Don't send the letter or contact this woman. Contact social services and report the incident of smacking and let them deal with it. Smacking isn't illegal and you risk being seen as unreasonable in denying your ex access. If you feel the incident was good reason to 'revoke' access then you have a Safeguarding obligation to inform SS.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 06-Jan-15 08:24:20

Smacking may not be illegal but a) it is unacceptable and b) a man who has already been convicted for assault on a child has no concept of restraint. The children are in danger.

Meerka Tue 06-Jan-15 08:25:58

yes, report the smack. Raise your concerns about his gf's children with them for certain.

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