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Sex advice needed

(28 Posts)
Unffordd Mon 05-Jan-15 17:47:09

Right, I've NC for this as it's a bit embarrassing...

Brief background - I married my first lover and was with him for a total of 24 years before we divorced. I was then celibate for several years before meeting my current chap. DTD with him for the first time was obviously pretty terrifying as he was only my second lover and there'd been nobody at all for quite a while. However, things are going well and we're getting more confident with each other. Last time I saw him he suggested that he did it from behind, doggy fashion. I'm perfectly happy to try this, but it's not a position my XH liked, so we couldn't manage to...ahem.... get my new bloke in & keep him there... (blushes).

I can't remember doing it this way since I was pregnant (DD now 15!) as it had positional advantages then. Should I lean across the bed? Be down on all fours? Common sense tells me that he has to be slightly lower than me so he can thrust upwards - is this correct?

I can't quite belive I'm asking this, but I'd be grateful of the benefit of others' wisdom. (Goes to drink large glass of wine.)

RatherEmbarassed Mon 05-Jan-15 17:52:50

there's no right and wrong with this sort of thing. Do whatever is comfortable for you, some like it over the side of the bed, or on floor, whatever. Meant kindly, it sounds like you are over thinking this, remember sex is meant to be fun and you should be able to communicate with your partner, if the angle is wrong, just adjust. Relax and enjoy your new partner and trying new things.

Unffordd Mon 05-Jan-15 17:58:01

Thank you, very sensible advice. I think part of the issue may be that he's quite gentlemanly & knows he's only my 'second', so doesn't want to get too pushy, both literally and metaphorically. You are right that I tend to overthink things.

FelicityGubbins Mon 05-Jan-15 18:22:46

Try lying on your front with a pillow tucked underneath your belly, it will lift your bum up enough to make sex easier, but avoids the mortifying (or hilarious if you are my dh hmm ) fanny fart...

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 05-Jan-15 19:17:27

me and ex always had to do it face to face first for a bit, then change positions.

Unffordd Mon 05-Jan-15 19:28:17

Thanks for the comments so far. Just to clarify, I don't mean me simply lying face down (used to do that quite a bit with XH), I mean with me kneeling in some way. God, the things people ask on MN! (Slinks off....)

P.S. If anyone understands Welsh, I was trying to inject some humour with my NC.

dirtybadger Mon 05-Jan-15 19:32:22

Try legs square (so on knees) but not on your hands (t's harder to balance)pop onto your elbows instead so that you're at a sort of 45 degree angle. Hope that makes some sense. I think penetration might feel deeper in this case though which isn't for everyone.

You could try bending over something but IME you may then get sore hips from bashing against something (even if it's soft like a mattress).

Might be worth suggesting that he moves onto one knee (behind as is sort of traditional) and one foot (sort of more "beside" you) so that he has better balance if he's struggling on two knees.

Buy a cheap sex book and look at the pictures (Ann Summers sleazy karma sutra type thing) as even if anyone knows exactly what to suggest it's hard to articulate! I really struggled just with the above and still don't fully understand what I've written.

Unffordd Mon 05-Jan-15 19:46:36

Dirtybadger, that's very helpful. I think you explained very clearly and that a book would be a good idea. I don't want to search online because I work with teenagers, so think it would be very easy to stray accidentally into dodgy territory that might have child protection issues.

Muckymoo71 Mon 05-Jan-15 19:57:14

To be blunt i dont know if ur saying that he cant pen from this angle or that you aren't ready? Could be the height of your bed is wrong? Try some lube, great stuff and for both you and your partner. Ps i never start off doggy, most guys I've encountered cum quickly this way so I have my wicked way then get on all fours. Hope I'm not too blunt but we've all had kids right on here being mumsnet.

RandomNPC Mon 05-Jan-15 19:59:53

No wonder you're called Dirty Badger and Mucky Moo! grin

ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater Mon 05-Jan-15 20:15:24

If you him to be lower than he is, then either (or both) he needs to have his knees/legs further apart, and/or you need to have your legs closer together.

You could try lying on your front with him on top first, and coming up onto your knees (both together) from there (if it doesn't work you can easily go back down onto your front again without too much interruption to the flow of things).

Unffordd Mon 05-Jan-15 20:16:09

Muckymoo, it's not that I'm not ready, more that he can't penetrate me & then stay inside without slipping out. I'm getting some really great tips here; thanks for the one about not starting off this way & don't worry about being too blunt! You are right, we have all had kids on MN.

Muckymoo71 Mon 05-Jan-15 20:16:34

Random that was me being gentle! I'd also say to the poster to keep experimenting as she'll find she enjoys different things with her new fella.

Shakey1500 Mon 05-Jan-15 20:21:05

Da iawn ar chi'n enw wink

Ref slipping out, do shallow thrusts with you doing most of the thrusting back. That way you can gauge when he's likely to slip out. So basically bounce back and forth on it. Pob lwck smile

Muckymoo71 Mon 05-Jan-15 20:22:31

In that case keep your legs together, raise ur bum as high as you can. Try it on the floor, the stairs is a good place to try on different steps, or is he thrusting too hard, another tip try a belt on you round your waist so he keeps a tight grip on you? Just enjoy whatever you do, we're similar ages i think!

BlueberryWafer Mon 05-Jan-15 20:24:03

We find DP "slips out" if he is leaving over me too much. If he has a straighter back then it's a better angle for staying in smile

BlueberryWafer Mon 05-Jan-15 20:24:22

Leaning not leaving...

Rioux Mon 05-Jan-15 20:25:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dirtybadger Mon 05-Jan-15 20:27:24

If you're considering floor or stairs put something down. Carpet burn.

Unffordd Mon 05-Jan-15 20:48:38

This is all amazing! It's really cheered me up after my first day back at work. I've been educated and I've also laughed out loud. Thank you so much to all contributors & I can't wait to try the suggestions out.....

P.S. Muckymoo, we are indeed similar ages. Love the idea of a belt.

SelfLoathing Mon 05-Jan-15 21:13:15

I think there are two things - your comparative heights and the angle that suits him (which is mostly to do with the placement of your pelvis).

Re: your comparative heights, if kneeling on the bed is the "wrong" height, try different places that put you at different heights the sofa/over the arm of a chair/ over a table/ on the floor (different places); high heels may sometimes help if you have your feet on the floor.

re: pelvic placement - the "best" angle for a man is typically with your head really low down (so in effect you are arching your back and pushing your bum out) - think "arse in the air/face on the pillow" - rather than on all fours (ie. with back flat between bum and head). That (arse in the air) can be very uncomfortable but a tip I picked up from porn films one solution is to rest your weight on the top of one shoulder and turn your head to the side. obviously this is better on a bed. It's difficult to describe and best viewed in porn imagery - just google!

Other things that may help re pelvic angle are a few pillows under your hips (one won't achieve much) and getting him to enter you when you are on all fours and slowly lower down (bent elbows/resting on elbows/shoulder/flat) to see what works for you both.

Generally, from your point of view, it is most likely to be good for you if he uses long withdrawing strokes (pulling virtually out before going back in) to stimulate your g-spot and (Depending on your personal preferences) whatever additional stimulation works for you (clitoral stimulation/nipples/neck kissing/biting/mouth kissing)

Have fun testing it all out!

chasingtherainbow Mon 05-Jan-15 22:02:03

Definitely try using forearms/elbows rather than hands. We can't do it on the bed as it kind of bounces/rocks with us so it has to be carpet.. as pp said definitely lay something down.. ouch!

Also I find I have to stop myself from moving too much, and literally let him do all the work... else he says I throw out his rhythm and then he has to adjust his knees etc.


chasingtherainbow Mon 05-Jan-15 22:03:21

Just be careful with your lower back and hips of your getting quite ..vigorous.. with it. that was an awkward trip to the chiro

Unffordd Tue 06-Jan-15 17:06:50

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded to this thread yesterday evening. I've a much clearer grasp (no pun intended!) of the position now and I'm looking forward to practising your advice with my new bloke....

TheSilveryPussycat Tue 06-Jan-15 19:32:15

Do let us know how you get on OP wink

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