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DP stent fitting tomorrow - coincides with my first day at new job. Dilemma?

(25 Posts)
Metline Sun 04-Jan-15 21:55:02

My boyfriend is having another stent fitted tomorrow afternoon.

He had a heart attack in October and stents were fitted then too.

We have been seeing eachother 2.9 months, both mid forties, neither married previously or now, I have two infant/junior age children, he has none, we don't live together.

I have been a lone parent on benefits the past 7 years and start a new job tomorrow.

I'm starting this job the same day he goes in for a heart procedure.

He says he's fine with it, that he doesn't need me there, in fact insists it's important I go to my first day at the new job, yet other days he talks about ending it all and it wanting to wake up, or doesn't talk about it at all - the heart attack and recovery issues (lifestyle changes) - and it terrified me enough the first time round with the heart attack, so I am equally scared this time.

His brother will be accompanying him, and because we don't live together, he will spend the 24 hours recovery at his mother's home rather than mine, as I suppose the school run/getting up for work routine, kids being loud and boisterous etc wilder hardly a stress relieving atmosphere.

Mostly though, I'm worried that he will think I don't care enough about him because I have to choose the new job over being with him at hospital.
Would you not go into a first day at a new job if your partner was going in for outpatient heart surgery? Is it unreasonable of me to do this?

It's a bit of a dilemma, and of course I'd prefer to be with him, but he tells me not to, so I should honour his wish...?

dementedma Sun 04-Jan-15 21:59:21

Dh had stent put in last month and I had to cancel a vitally important work related thing as he was kicking off about me being there with him. The procedure took a few minutes under local, he was absolutely fine and I endured 8 bloody hours in outpatients while he read his magazine before being allowed home. If he already has someone with him you should go to work if its the first day. You can't be any help at the hospital and the job is something which will support you, and him, in the future.

JohnFarleysRuskin Sun 04-Jan-15 22:02:07

I would go to work.

You care about him. He knows you care about him. He will be with others who care about him.

twentyten Sun 04-Jan-15 22:02:50

Do what he asks- and good luck for tomorrow! He has support- he will be fine . Good luck

WorldWildWifeFund Sun 04-Jan-15 22:03:26

Honour his wish.

JeanSeberg Sun 04-Jan-15 22:05:26

Go to the new job but make someone aware of what's happening, just in case.

Fingers crossed all goes well for both of you.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 04-Jan-15 22:07:11

Yeah, you have to keep a roof over your head, and food in your belly.

FabULouse Sun 04-Jan-15 22:09:52

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SurlyCue Sun 04-Jan-15 22:09:59

You have been going out 3 months? Go to your new job! He has his family there. You need your job. No question about it.

abbykins3 Sun 04-Jan-15 22:11:14

New job.No question about it.

oneowlgirl Sun 04-Jan-15 22:14:44

Go to your new job.

Metline Sun 04-Jan-15 22:19:21

2.9 years I meant, not months.

ScrambledEggAndToast Sun 04-Jan-15 22:26:08

He's not really your partner after 2 months is he? If I had been seeing someone for this shirt period of time I wouldn't expect them to miss their first day at work to be at the hospital with me. Don't worry about it.

Metline Sun 04-Jan-15 22:33:52

2.9 years *ScrambledEggs, not months.

oneowlgirl Sun 04-Jan-15 22:48:27

Months or years, I still say go to your new job.

bunchoffives Sun 04-Jan-15 22:50:11

Still go to work. He's ok with that and you need a job.

Finola1step Sun 04-Jan-15 22:56:01

Go to work. Enjoy your first day as much as you can. Your bf is being well looked after by his brother and his mum.

FelineGroovy Sun 04-Jan-15 22:58:13

Agree with everyone else - he has support, go to work

Metline Sun 04-Jan-15 23:34:46

Thankyou. Needed some support over the decision I think.

mynewpassion Mon 05-Jan-15 00:15:17

If he had no support, then talk to your employer.

But he does and is well taken care of so call him before and after.

Finola1step Mon 05-Jan-15 00:24:38

Oh and congratulations on your new job.

LadyB49 Mon 05-Jan-15 02:08:37

If he is still in hospital when you finish work you could pop over to see him.

however Mon 05-Jan-15 04:55:24

Go to work. Visit him when you get off. Chances are the procedure might be delayed anyway. Last time this happened with dad, I sat with him until the late afternoon when they finally wheeled him in!

Think carefully about getting involved in a relationship with someone who talks about 'ending it all'.

In your position, I'd cut my losses frankly, it's only been 3 months.

Metline Mon 05-Jan-15 18:17:35

however it's 3 years not months (unstick thee sticky needle!)

And, really? 'Cut your losses'. Desert someone with heart disease for no good reason other than that? What a dreadful suggestion sad

Bogeyface Mon 05-Jan-15 18:34:17

Desert someone with heart disease for no good reason other than that?

No I think the reason was that he is talking about "ending it all" in what sounds like quite a dramatic fashion. If he is depressed, serious health issues can cause it, then he needs to get help. Stropping around threatening suicide is cruel and destructive, how do you feel when he says that?

I would be insisting he sees his GP about his feelings.

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