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Relationship...various needs!

(8 Posts)
Levismum Sun 04-Jan-15 21:15:28

I often read threads on here about lack of intimacy in relationships.

I'm thinking more about how big an issue lack of emotional support, friendship, companionship is in my relationship.

My dp hasn't a clue what I need, I tell him but he has to be told every single time. I now don't expect anything from him. It means I feel very lonely & isolated. We have dc with SN so it's very difficult to go out or do social stuff.

I wonder if i should just sick it up. He's not a 'bad' dp but i do end up feeling very sad & i don't want to feel like this for another 15 years.

Advice appreciated!!

Levismum Sun 04-Jan-15 22:21:08

Anyone? sad

Rioux Sun 04-Jan-15 22:23:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heyho111 Sun 04-Jan-15 22:31:56

I don't think a partner that makes you feel lonely and sad is a good partner. I would think carefully about your future. Sorry if this is out of term. Is it possible he has asbergers if he has no understanding of your emotional needs and support he needs to give.
You deserve to be happy, supported and loved.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 04-Jan-15 22:56:50

If he's not even providing you with friendship, it's really not a partnership, No you shouldn't have to suck it up. You are worthy of love

Levismum Sun 04-Jan-15 22:57:23

Thanks. I've no idea if dp has Aspergers.

Dp works shifts. Boys have been off school nearly 3 weeks. He's been off 2 days &:Christmas day. I had a hospital appointment on one of those days.
Boys have multiple SN so it would be difficult to take them to a restaurant or any place where the noises they make would be an issue.
I'm literally housebound with them now as they are unmanageable together. I get restpite for the older one as the younger one is being assessed for an EHC plan. The carer was off for 2 weeks. The company's policy is not to cover annual leave. The carer told me on the Tuesday before Christmas she was going to be off over Christmas...I literally cried.

Dp attends no appointments. No meetings. Never been to the older boys special school. Never attended any assessments or medical investigations. He didnt even come with me for their diagnosis appointment at GOSH.

Why don't I leave?
No family or friends.
Can't work cos of the boys. No job.
No money.
Zero prospects.
The boys are not improving with age, quite the opposite.

It's such a frustrating & miserable way to live. I don't even recognise myself.

I don't know why I posted as i can't leave & i can't cope if dp leaves. sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 04-Jan-15 23:09:04

I think there are two separate issues. The help you need with your children is very urgent and important. Keep pushing for extra help, even if it means presenting yourself at your GP and saying you are having a breakdown. If you met with a serious accident or became very ill, what is the contingency? Is residential care an option?

The second issue is the lack of engagement from your partner. Would you even notice if he wasn't there?

Levismum Sun 04-Jan-15 23:29:28

Yeah I'd notice when i the mortgage wasn't paid or my debit card was declined in Tesco.

The GP is of no use what so ever! I admitted once i was struggling to cope so was allocated a Family Suppot Worker. Shes has zero understanding of the children's disabilities. She thought it was 'productive' when ds6 was excluded twice in December for attacking his 1-1...

ADS is all they suggest otherwise.

I would need to put them into care to get a residential school for the older one. As far as I'm aware there isn't a residential school for my younger one as he's 6. Ultimately it's what will probably happen.

There's no plan if i get ill or have an accident. Ultimately dp would have to care for them or put them in emergency foster care.

I'm so trapped by my situation. I do say to myself, 'Today, you can leave'. I imagine leaving. Having a life again but the guilt, stigma & lack of support stop me. Pathetic!

There's so little left in the way of services, playschemes or play centres.

The personal budget works out at about £10 an hour. The reality is a carer costs£18 an hour. There is a charity locally that runs a playscheme. It's £ 400 for 25 hours care. So 10-3pm with no transport for half term...that's 1 child!

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