I walked away from a 3 1/2 year relationship a few months before Christmas after discussing it on here and with RL friends and coming to the conclusion that it was slightly EA and he was never going to commit.
I've found it really hard as have not had a lot of support from female friends in terms of time or being invited out (I know people are busy with family stuff/kids over Christmas) but have felt rather lonely. Am struggling to get up in the mornings and with no work to go to over the holiday period have been floating around with not much to do until the afternoons when I have commitments with my horse.
My ex was seen out with some woman with kids the other day by a mutual friend and when I asked him about it said he has been seeing a friend of his sisters who also has kids (I don't have kids; he does). Am quite hurt; we had some epic messaging/arguing sessions where he said he was missing me and asking me to open up to him a few weeks ago. I did (messaging means it can't disintegrate to a yelling match so I felt happier to say what I really thought) and he refused to admit that saying things like 'I looked at engagement rings but didn't want to go through with it' (i.e. you aren't good enough for me) were hurtful. He said he is lonely and wanting company and sex so has been dating her.
I have had a few dates via Online Dating which have helped my confidence as although I have not wanted to see any of them again (nice guys just didn't get a spark) they have all wanted to see me again and after 3 years of feeling like an unattractive whale it has given me some confidence if nothing else and I don't think I'm in a place to get involved with someone again seriously (if ever). I also had a long term friend who is lovely ask me out but sadly I don't find him attractive at all.
Am feeling so tempted to have a massive rant at my ex for being such an idiot and just letting me walk away like he hardly cared. And upset that his sister has already been lining up friends for him as I spent a lot of time with his family and I still take his daughter to a sport she does every week as well as seeing him several times a week due to us sharing the horse we bought together. I know that ranting won't make a difference but right now I am feeling so resentful and like I want him to know how hurt I am by all of it. Just writing this down has helped… not sure what I'm looking for in terms of advice just hand holding I guess :-(
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Relationships
Struggling a bit
umbongoumbongo · 04/01/2015 13:22
Ok. Here is my ten pennorth, fwiw. My XH richocheted into a new relationship. Indeed, announced the new intended marriage before the divorce was through, and a week after he was still holding the divorce up. Yes, it hurts. Even though he was an a**ole. I think part of me wanted to think he would pine for me, and become a lonely old man 
. Realistically, he was an abusive knob before, and wasn't going to get any better as an XH. Ring any bells for you?
Sometimes friends don't 'get' it. Some of them maybe don't want to think too closely about their own relationships, and some of them have been married since the year dot, and don't think about what it's like for you/are tied up in their own family lives. Some of my friends were really good, some not so much.
Not having the routine of work does make it harder, as you have said. Once you get back into your routine, you will feel better. I have been without Twunt for three years now, and I feel much better. It took a while. About 18 months ago, I was ready for another relationship, and met DP. We don't live together, but it works well. Like you said, it's nice to have someone not knocking your confidence, and to discover there are nice men in the world.
Btw. I recognise the urge to rant at the X. Indeed, I indulged myself in it a few times. It never made me feel any better, because he used to refuse to see my point of view, so it was a frustrating 'hobby'. I don't know if this is similar for you, it may be that having a rant on here is better for you, who knows
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