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I have asked for a divorce from my emotional abusive husband.

(13 Posts)
verawagg Sun 04-Jan-15 12:28:34

And he's not moving out until he's found somewhere. I can't move as the house is rented in my name and its my home sad.

We have two children aged 7&5.

He keeps trying to be nice and then really nasty again!! Yesterday we had to take my disabled dad out as I don't drive. He told my dad that I'm a selfish bitch because Iv decided to break it off, and was shouting every bad thing Iv done in morrisons! Luckily my dad didn't understand!

I'm so unhappy, and I can not wait to start my new life without him. Just major worried about money ECT!

I fee so guilty though sad but yesterday he told me he will ruin my life, - and he's planning on taking everything he brought, plus the pans his mum and dad brought us lol

He is even taking his wii which he knows our autistic 5yo is obsessed with!!

Vivacia Sun 04-Jan-15 12:34:14

First of all, you don't need to ask for a divorce, you just inform him that he is being divorced.

Who do you rent from? Have you had legal advice?

He can't ruin your life, no matter how many pots and pans he removes from the house. I'm not even sure how he can take the wifi! Is he also planning on taking the nice cooking smells out of the kitchen and the way the sunshine comes through the bedroom window?

Vivacia Sun 04-Jan-15 12:35:42

Oh Wii! Yes, that makes much more sense. Well, at least your son will have something that he enjoys when he spends time with his dad.

AltheaVestrit Sun 04-Jan-15 12:37:23

Get thee to a solicitor. Scout around as many will give a free half hour and find one that is a good family lawyer who you feel will back you up to the hilt.

Your husband can't take what he wants as all the things, financial or otherwise are marital assets and should be split at least 50/50. But as he's going will mean there are 3 of you, perhaps the split should be more 75/25 in your favour.

Don't agree to anything in the meantime. Lots of "yes, I'll think about that", but be non committal.

Keep a diary of his continuing abuse. If he's really nasty then a record of his behaviour might actually end up in your favour.

MatildaTheCat Sun 04-Jan-15 12:39:03

See a solicitor ASAP to clarify the position on getting him to move out and who can take which possessions. I'm sure these petty yet disgusting ( in that they affect his own dc adversely) actions just serve to remind you why life will be a bowl of cherries without him.

Good luck.

Vivacia Sun 04-Jan-15 12:39:33

Sounds as though you can add verbal abuse to emotional abuse too. In fact, it might be worth looking at characteristics of other kinds of abuse.

Lovingfreedom Sun 04-Jan-15 12:44:53

Try to start acting like you are completely separated. For example, you will need to arrange another way to take your dad out.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 04-Jan-15 12:46:22

I'd also recommend getting urgent legal advice. If the house is rented in your name, for example, you may be able to get him out sooner than you think by giving him notice. In the meantime, use taxis to take Dad out rather than being reliant on your STBXH for any assistance whatsoever.

verawagg Sun 04-Jan-15 12:48:20

Lol he's shaved his beard off because he knows I liked it lol!!

I can't afford a solicitor as I don't work and been a housewife since I was 16! sad

verawagg Sun 04-Jan-15 12:49:29

Last time I tried to leave he reported me to the social services. He denies and denies but the stuff the women said no one else would know unless they lived here. Like my son had biscuits for breakfast twice.

tipsytrifle Sun 04-Jan-15 12:49:29

I also think you might be able to get him out quite soon - before he has chance to steal any stuff - and change the locks pronto. You can do that once landlord gets a key. Basically, what Cogito said ...

tipsytrifle Sun 04-Jan-15 12:52:54

CAB will advise plus most lawyers offer half an hour free. Also, can you just phone your landlord and discuss? S/he might be able to evict him sharpish? You might also speak with the police on 101 for advice. Like if you ask him to leave YOUR home at 3pm Monday could they be there to assist this event?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 04-Jan-15 13:07:20

Definitely ring round some family lawyers locally or consider calling Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 who can possibly put you in touch with solicitors that specialise in Domestic Abuse. Also I think you need to get it on record with Women's Aid, your GP, Social Services or some other authority that he is abusive. Reason being that this can impact on your access to legal aid and also affect Co parenting arrangements in future.

You are actually in a more powerful position than he would have you believe but you need help steering through it.

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