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I only want a man for sex...

(174 Posts)
Sundayplease Sun 04-Jan-15 09:46:24

...and fixing things. That's it.

I think I could be happy with no lifelong partner but just a few men in my life to help me out with the practical stuff and the sex.

They are the only two things I miss about not being in a relationship.

I have plenty of friends for the companionship, having a laugh, doing stuff like meals out, cinema, etc. I have dc and family I see regularly and am very close to.

The thought of sharing my home with someone, even just the staying over, all the compromising, putting up with what they want to watch on the tv, their fussy eating habits, their toilet habits, ugh, it really puts me off. The thought of sharing a bed with a man for a whole night, morning breath, stale farts, alcohol fumes, flabby bodies, hair and sweat, smelly socks, makes me feel sick. I am not exaggerating.

Does anyone feel the same way or is there something wrong with me?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 04-Jan-15 10:12:16

I've had a relationship exactly like that for quite a long time. smile I treasure my independence, enjoy my friends, travel solo, and like having someone who is not a live-in partner as part of the overall mix rather than a permanent feature. (He does stay over, however, and is fastidious about cleanliness.)

LividofLondon Sun 04-Jan-15 10:13:08

There's nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship, and fuck buddy scenarios (which is essentially what you're describing) can work well if both people know the others' expectations. I'm fairly territorial and all the bad things you mentioned would put me off too. However, do you think that if you were with a man who wasn't flabby, sweaty, had stinky farts and bad breath, and stank of booze you'd think differently? I'm pretty intolerant of all the shit that is so common in relationships yet I've found someone who I'm happy to share my bed with because he doesn't have the features you mentioned. It's about being choosy. Or staying single.

Sundayplease Sun 04-Jan-15 10:39:05

Thanks both. I feel like I have had a revelation really. I was on a dating website last night and didnt see a single man I would want to chat to and felt quite despondent. Then this morning I thought it is because I don't want a full on relationship anyway.

LividofLondon Sun 04-Jan-15 10:48:15

Maybe Sunday. A year ago I decided exactly that and went online looking for FWB/casual dating because I wasn't in the situation, mentally or physically, to want anything serious. I certainly wasn't looking for marriage, cohabitation or kids, I was just motivated by sex. After meeting a few men I finally met the one I'm with now, and am in a situation which works pretty well for us; it's like a BF/GF situation without all the rubbish bits. It's just a case of being really honest about what you want and making sure the man wants the same.

akaWisey Sun 04-Jan-15 10:48:40

That kind of arrangement would suit me fine too grin

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 04-Jan-15 10:55:22

The thought of sharing a bed with a man for a whole night, morning breath, stale farts, alcohol fumes, flabby bodies, hair and sweat, smelly socks, makes me feel sick

You're converting me too grin

BobbyBingoooo Sun 04-Jan-15 10:56:19

I'm on the other side of the divide.

I'm a man and am really quite , well very actually, content to be single with occasional FWB scenarios.

I think relationships are too much of a compromise. A lot of people's expectations are unrealistic. It's my personal opinion anyway. I realise it's not universal.

I like doing, or eating, or buying what I want without having to check it with 'my other half' all the time. I like not having to endlessly discuss my emotions, or constantly being asked 'what are you thinking about?', or having to sit down to have a wee ! . Would drive me nuts now I think.

And I say this as a pretty good looking, well employed and generally tidy person.

Single life, shared parenting. Works very well for me.

CrispyFern Sun 04-Jan-15 10:58:58

Loads of people only want that! It's not that there's something wrong at all.

Sundayplease Sun 04-Jan-15 11:01:39

The guys I've met post-divorce all seem to want a relationship, even those online, talking about weekend breaks, rings, moving in.

MadeMan Sun 04-Jan-15 11:05:09

"The thought of sharing my home with someone, even just the staying over, all the compromising, putting up with what they want to watch on the tv, their fussy eating habits, their toilet habits, ugh, it really puts me off."

Yep, I don't think I could ever live with a woman; I'm too settled with my current life.

"I like doing, or eating, or buying what I want without having to check it with 'my other half' all the time. I like not having to endlessly discuss my emotions, or constantly being asked 'what are you thinking about?'"

Yep, I totally agree.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 04-Jan-15 11:08:28

Why would you have to sit down to do a wee? I don't make my son sit down; I do expect him to wipe it up if he misses though!
I get what you are saying OP, and I am willing to bet you are over 35..? Thing is, as far as I can recall when you meet someone young or are in proper relationships from a young age you are much more fluid about sort of blending together. I was in a Ltr for 6years from being a teenager and I don't think I thought about any of the compromises, or the annoying habits of my partner. We pooled the little money we had, and spent all our time together.
The older have got, and since being a lone parent for years, I can would find it really weird to blend my life with a man's now. I like having total control of the remote, sleeping in the middle of the bed, and spending my money how I like, for example if I want to trade my sensible car for an Alfa, I don't have to justify it to anyone grin
I do miss sex with someone I actually trust though, and I would love to have someone to go camping with. There are no friends I would really want to go on holiday with children with. If that makes sense!

BobbyBingoooo Sun 04-Jan-15 11:11:15

Sunday I think a fair amount of men say those things without actually meaning it as a way to entice ( trick ) women into having sex with them.

I've heard a fair few stories from women who've met Mr Romantic only to find he's Mr Romantic to a lot of women, or moves on swiftly after sexy times.

BobbyBingoooo Sun 04-Jan-15 11:16:13

Why would you have to sit down to do a wee?

Because believe it or not some women pretty much insist on it. There's a thread every couple if months about it.

I've been there !

Some people, usually women I'm afraid to say, are quite obsessed with cleanliness.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 04-Jan-15 11:20:07

Actually, I don't want a FwB either. Done that, got hurt. I can't be that casual about sex and a FWB is essentially a boyfriend minus the romance, and I like a bit of romance!
My ideal would be a real boyfriend, but one who is happy to live on the other side of town and see me two or three times a week, plus holidays. I can put my own shelves up.
However, despite the number of men who claim they want this kind of relationship, in my experience, once they realise you are serious they get terribly offended that you are not secretly pining to marry them, and leave you for a conventional girl who calls him pookie and drags him round Ikea on Sundaysgrin
I remember a guy I was within my 20s who had a massive sulk when we were looking in together and I said I needed my own room. It wasn't the money, it was that he thought that was weird.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 04-Jan-15 11:21:46

To move in should have said.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 04-Jan-15 11:24:32

Yeah, well sitting in someone else's piss isnt nice! I wouldn't call that obsessive! Maybe your aim wasn't so good Bobby.

MadeMan Sun 04-Jan-15 11:27:11

I wee on the seat because in my daydream world I always imagine it to be on fire.

MadeMan Sun 04-Jan-15 11:28:46

Same thing with the curtains in the lounge.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 04-Jan-15 11:30:34

Maybe you are looking on the wrong dating sites? There are plenty of hookup sites for people looking for NSA sex or non-monogamous relationships. (Though I believe those tend to feature a higher proportion of absolutely desperate and absolutely gross, rude men). And you can always either ask a friend/brother/uncle or whatever to help with the shelves or simply hire someone to come and do them.

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 04-Jan-15 11:30:49

I'm a clean freak but I've never asked a man to sit down to pee. I'm just grateful when they remember to flush!

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 04-Jan-15 11:32:28

Same thing with the curtains in the lounge

mademan - you pee on the curtains in the lounge? confused

mooth Sun 04-Jan-15 11:33:16

This strikes me as a sad thread. bobby I can only speak for myself but my DH and I don't constantly discuss emotions and I have never asked him what he's thinking about. I guess you've experienced some pretty co-dependent relationships?

And all those bad personal habits mentioned earlier on, about men - women also have habits which might be hard to live with. When you are lucky enough to share your life with someone you love (of whatever gender) those things really don't matter.

I also must ask - and I'm not making a judgement about this, as the OP is simply expressing her opinion - but if a man started a thread saying 'I only want a woman for sex', what kind of responses would follow?

AlpacaYourThings Sun 04-Jan-15 11:34:42

I think you just need a decent handyman and vibrator Sunday not a man.

MadeMan Sun 04-Jan-15 11:36:27

"you pee on the curtains in the lounge?"

Only when they're on fire.

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