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Living with a Parent? Finding it hard?

(12 Posts)
bigbluestars Sat 03-Jan-15 18:17:24

I find it so difficult. OH Finds it too. We have been living with my elderly parent since July- any tips?

Daisychain5 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:30:51

I couldn't do it , so can't advise.

mutternutter Sat 03-Jan-15 18:32:26

Its hell. Currently at mums. Total nightmare not helpful I know but hate it

Wrapdress Sat 03-Jan-15 18:39:21

I could write a book about the subject. It would be a horror story.

Gfplux Sat 03-Jan-15 18:46:26

They probably find it also very difficult. I assume it is their home and you are the "visitors" however that probably does not make much difference.
I went through this a long, long time ago and regret NOT doing this.......
Talking about it with my Mum.
Please try to communicate.
Years later I feel guilty that I did not talk about it to her and tell her how we felt and explored how she felt about it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 03-Jan-15 18:46:41

What is it you find difficult exactly? Sharing accommodation is always a tough call IME.

DeckSwabber Sat 03-Jan-15 18:52:26

Has s/he moved in with you or have you moved in with them? Any children?

ChristinaMatthews Sun 04-Jan-15 05:25:45

Talk with your Mum - see how things are for her. Work together to make things better rather than write the situation off as a horror story.
Presumably you love her and want thinks to be good for her as well as you.

bigbluestars Sun 04-Jan-15 16:20:00

Yes we have kids. Mum is elderly- lines of communication have never been great. She acts like a child. It is our home, she is frail and terrified of sheltered accommodation- the only real viable option.
She has very passive aggessive behaviour.

jesy Sun 04-Jan-15 16:21:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pastaofplenty Sun 04-Jan-15 16:37:27

OP - I feel for you. I was in a similar situation (though as a child/teenager) when my DM's dad came to live with us - My grandad was great fun, but also hard work and knowing that "you are doing the right thing" as people will tell you doesn't stop you being angry, frustrated and torn. I know my DM had similar emotions - which sadly didn't get better - though every relationship is different. What did help was support in the local community that is available for older people - it took the pressure of my DM - so grandad went to luncheon clubs, made his own friends (he had moved 200 miles away from everyone/thing he knew). Maybe you can approach social services to see what is available locally. Also (and I know this is personal choice) mum got her dad a dog and it gave him independence to get out, look after something and make friends/chat. Hope it works out for you

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 04-Jan-15 16:44:41

Whose idea was it originally for she and your family to live together?.

Its no shame on your part to admit this is not working out and I can imagine your own family unit are feeling emotional strife too.

What exactly has your mother got against sheltered accommodation?. Are her fears really groundless or equally does she just expect you as her doormat/compliant DD to take care of her in her old age and indefinitely to boot?. She is still being passive aggressive; such people are not interested in changing and she learnt that being this way gets her what she wants.

Difficult but necessary conversations need to be had now. I would speak to both Social Services and Age UK in your particular circumstances.

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