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Don't know why i bother!

(33 Posts)
magicgirl79 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:14:33

Really need a rant!! I feel a complete and utter mug!! My H does not work, I support ALL our household bills etc and we have 1 child, and this is really getting me down and so full of resentment.

He also smokes cannabis daily and drinks beer at night, which he pays for if he does odd jobs, I don't get towards to the house, this is his money.

Anyway he is also very moody, probably due to the drug use, and I know people don't view cannabis as a serious drug but living with someone who smokes a lot means when he has not got it can be awful due to the moodiness.

I also feel I have to ask him when I need to go places and to an extent have to explain where I have been and what I have been doing, almost like he is suspicious, I don't think this is normal.... I feel like a bloody kid not a woman in my late thirties!!

We don't really even do anything together, no holidays unless in this country as I couldn't be with him for a whole week without his cannabis as I would be on edge all the time due to the moods.

Anyway just had to get that out, I know deep down what I must do, but still so scared to make that move to change everyones lives.

woowoo22 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:20:06

Get rid. You will be free, relaxed and ultimately happier.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 03-Jan-15 18:41:59

He does sound like a complete millstone around your neck. If you're worried how the future would look as an independent woman it's worth getting some good information rather than letting assumptions hold you back. It's also going to be worth getting his persistent drug use on record somehow. You wouldn't want him in sole charge of children ever.

Optimist1 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:44:04

Sounds as though you need to think about how your life would be without him. Advantages : only 2 mouths to feed, no walking on eggshells, no moodiness to contend with. Disadvantages : ?

Best of luck with your deliberations, and I hope your future is happier than your present.

Lioninthesun Sat 03-Jan-15 18:45:25

I couldn't live like that. How will you explain it to your child when they are old enough to wonder why they can't go away like other families, or daddy's mood swings, or the fact he has a habit that they will learn about in school?

I think you know what to do. He sounds like a huge drain and it sounds like you are enabling his lifestyle. Have you spoken in the past about him trying to give up at least? It must be quite a large financial burden too, if he isn't earning?

Balders74 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:49:22

Hi Magic My H is very similar without the cannabis. He brings in no money, I pay for everything and I am very resentful. He is also moody with me and our 2 DC. I have had enough of all of it and told him it was over yesterday (feels like weeks ago). We've been together for 15 years and it has been the same to varying degrees.

I will be 41 in a week and I have had enough. It is heartbreaking and I am crying a lot but I know that long term it will be worth it!

You need to get your head in the right place and come to terms with the decision before you can move forward. It took me a year to get to this point.

I hope you get this sorted for you and DC.

STBSM Sat 03-Jan-15 18:51:13

He sounds depressed. Do you think he is?

Squeegle Sat 03-Jan-15 18:51:20

Sounds dreadful
Make a list of the pros and cons of living with him and separate from him
I bet you'll soon feel more resolute

FolkGirl Sat 03-Jan-15 19:55:47


Based on what?

wallaby73 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:19:38

Having been depressed at some points in my life, i can say there is a huge difference between depression, and freeloading lazy controlling twat?

magicgirl79 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:27:29

Thanks all, no he is not depressed, he doesn't actually want to work as he feels he will barely have money to himself once he gives me what he needs to!!! Welcome to my world, I don't get this choice/

He also is not depressed just really used to this way of life he has now as it is my own fault for letting it go on for the last 10 yrs.

I guess im just scared, when he is nice things are fine, but that is also because he has the effects of drugs and drink. When he doesn't he is so moody and just drains me!!

Guess its just knowing how to make these changes??

Balders74, was you H always this way? How has he taken the separation?

mrsd2014 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:32:11

"he doesn't actually want to work as he feels he will barely have money to himself once he gives me what he needs to!"

Oh dear. Please get shot of him. He should want to be able to help out. What on earth is he going to do if you do get shot of him? He will have to get a job and support himself like any self-respecting and capable adult should do!

EleanorRigby89 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:43:09

You definitely need to get rid. It sounds like he is just dragging you down.

dirtybadger Sat 03-Jan-15 20:48:25

He's a lazy fuck. Get rid. I know a few men who are habitual cannabis smokers and they still manage to get off their arses to work full time and are polite to friends and family. Excellent excuse for him, though.

2015 can be your year.

dirtybadger Sat 03-Jan-15 20:49:22

He's a lazy fuck. Get rid. I know a few men who are habitual cannabis smokers and they still manage to get off their arses to work full time and are polite to friends and family. Excellent excuse for him, though.

2015 can be your year.

magicgirl79 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:53:31

God I do hope 2015 is my year to make the changes I know are needed x

Balders74 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:59:45

Hi Magic
My H has always been a grunter but he has got worse as he's got older. I think my H is depressed because he is not providing BUT having said that he was not willing to do anything to change the situation. He had all sorts of excuses for not helping around the house while I work full time.

He has not taken it well, lots of crying which is very out of character but he knows I mean it. He has no-where to go but I have said I'll give him money to get a flat & then he is on his own. He says I have taken away everything he loves but he didn't think about that when he was putting me down, calling me names, shouting at the kids etc.

It is hard, my DCs are upset but they also know that things will be much better in the long run.

magicgirl79 Sat 03-Jan-15 21:25:30

Hi Balders, Thanks for your reply, did you find when he wasn't smoking drugs he was getting worse and worse, that's what im finding. Also realising that I don't really know him that well without drugs.

When I was younger it didn't effect me as much and also before DC but I have changed and grown up I guess!!

He also lectures me about work and what he reckons I should work as or change jobs, just now he is trying to encourage me into different hours for more money but i have said no as I enjoy being able to pick my child up from school, but it is a cheek considering he wont bloody work!

Do your kids know he takes drugs?

HanselandGretle Sat 03-Jan-15 21:37:01

Cannabis use has been linked to paranoia, I've seen enough people affected mentally by it to know, therefore I consider it a serious drug. You can see it's making him moody and if he doesn't have it he's even worse. This is a big problem in and of itself. You have a child together and he does naff all but dictates what you should do and what hours would suit you??? You'd be better off going it alone.

Balders74 Sat 03-Jan-15 21:42:21

My H doesn't smoke cannabis he is naturally an arse grin

He has lots of other excuses for why he is the way he is. He does have an addiction to food and has become very large (over 20 stone) and as a result has now been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes but refuses to change his eating habits to help his health.

I think you should bite the bullet & start thinking seriously about ending it. Don't make a rash decision because he will talk you out of it.

scarletforya Sat 03-Jan-15 22:05:54

He's a cocklodger.

ChristinaMatthews Sun 04-Jan-15 05:14:36

Start making plans for you and your DC - you both deserve better than this but, only you can make it happen. Think how much better youu and DCs lives could be this time next year........

BitOutOfPractice Sun 04-Jan-15 05:50:22

There's no plans to make. Just kick him out.

magicgirl79 Sun 04-Jan-15 15:21:04

Thank all, I need a good kick up the backside to get out of this mess.

I really can not see how I can turn things around for the better, think we may have come to far to change, just can not believe, that this is probably it!

Also very scared how he will take it when the time comes to be brave enough to tell him!!

rumred Sun 04-Jan-15 15:44:46

Can you speak to real life people for support and advice? You don't have to do it all by yourself. But do it because it sounds joyless and miserable for you and your kids

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