How helpful is 'He's just not that into you'?

[CowPatRoberts]

I've been trying recently to build up my self esteem as (due to past relationships) my head wasn't as clear as it was 5 years ago- essentially I feel like I've lost a lot of my assertiveness.

I assume there's a few of you here who have read/seen 'He's just not that into you' and wondered how helpful it actually is, as it's mainly telling women to wait for a man to pursue them, there's a lot of emphasis on not making the first move and some of it jars with me.

Equally if anyone has other books to recommend I'm all ears!

[WastingMyYoungYears]

Hmm, I'd recommend ditching the books, and just reading around on MN a bit. It's pretty eye opening.

[CowPatRoberts]

Trust me, this site has helped me more in the last 12 months than anything else possibly could! I wish my Mum was a bit more web savvy so she could use it herself.

[MorrisZapp]

I have that book, it's very American in tone and very much 'dating scene' orientated, but I really enjoyed it.

Basically, it can be boiled down to the fact that if a guy is into you, he won't be too busy to phone, or 'too intimidated' by you or scared of 'ruining a friendship'. Nor will he be too shy to make a move if you've made it clear you like him or have already snogged/ shagged him.

It stops us from hanging on to false hope, chasing men and generally wasting time and making an arse of ourselves.

I gave mine to a friend who really, really needed to be told how to play it cool.

[WastingMyYoungYears]

What about trying mindfulness - I started using the free Take 10 app by Andy Puddicombe, and really found that it helped.

[MadamG]

I like the film! Before I married I had a habit of obsessing about men to unhelpful degrees and many of my female friends seem to do the same, as a light hearted don't take it to seriously kind of film it's fine. Over analyse it to much, or watch it if you are in the wrong place and it's not a great film. As a humerous wake up call time it worked! The gentlemen in question really were never in to me!

[MadamG]

If you have low self esteem I'd stay away from the book and film.

[MelenieBrewster]

I have the book and got a lot from it. The main point I took from it was that if someone says they are 'busy' / 'too busy' to see you / call you, they're just not into you.

[CrystalSkull]

I loved the book and still dip into it from time to time. I'm also a huge fan of the blog Baggage Reclaim, which preaches a similar message. I would highly recommend them both.

It is helpful to be able to see an emotional situation more objectively. E.g. If a man's actions don't match his words, it is unlikely that he is suddenly going to change!

[FolkGirl]

Yep, what Morris said.

Also that the simplest and most obvious explanation is usually the right one.