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What makes a good relationship?

(8 Posts)
CalleighDoodle Sat 03-Jan-15 11:29:37

What is key to you to a hapy relationship? What positive things make you feel like you are in a positive lovig relationship?

A know of three men who are having long term affairs that their wives have absolutely no idea about. I know two of the wives would say they have a good husband who works hard and provides for their family and makes them feel special. They have no idea about the affairs. They have a happy marriage. Their husbands say they are happily married, but still have affairs. So, does it matter that their partner has an affair if they are blissfully unaware (no suspision at all and husbands behave lovingly ect and provide a nice life too). If they found out and divorced theyd be unhappy.

Im not condoning the affairs. I dont know how they can be happily married and still have affairs. But it seems to work for them.

noitsbecky Sat 03-Jan-15 11:32:31

Genuine friendship, respect and attraction for me, off the top of my head.

People having affairs are lacking in respect.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 03-Jan-15 11:34:56

I don't think there is one size fits all. Some people have particular expectations of marriage, relationships etc and others have different standards. If someone is happy to share their partner, that's their call. If they dont suspect infidelity or would rarher not know, thats also a valid positiion to take. If someone can successfully live a double life with a mistress and still regard themselves as happily married, that's their definition

It's an individual thing therefore. Set your own standard of what constitutes a good relationship, let others worry about theirs.

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons Sat 03-Jan-15 11:51:00

Loyalty, respect, friendship, honesty, trust: being on the same team.

CalleighDoodle Sat 03-Jan-15 12:09:30

alpha totslly agree with the team reference

kaykayred Wed 07-Jan-15 16:31:21

Unless those women have agreed for an open relationship - and did so freely, and not as a desperate attempt to save their marriage - then they aren't in a happy marriage. They are just living an illusion. Which is utterly tragic.

I have no doubt that the husbands say they are happy. No wonder. They are selfish c*nts who are using women as commodities for their convenience. Wifey at home with the children looking after their "emotional" welfare, and miss OW on the side for a bit of excitement. What utter, utter pieces of shit.

I'm also very deeply suspicious when people talk about others deliberately "turning a blind eye". It's called burying your head in the sand, and is a common tactic people use to protect themselves. It's more a form of denial than anything else, and to paint it as the same as someone being genuinely happy for their partner to cheat on them, or to deliberately remain in ignorance about it, is a very outdated and (more often than not), sexist mindset.

A happy marriage is where both parties are treated equally, with love and respect that goes to the core. If those things are a superficial top layer, papering over a core of lies, deceit and betrayal, then it isn't a "happy marriage".

It's like watching half the film "Snow Piercer" and saying it's your favourite film ever, whilst being totally unaware and ignorant of the other half. How can it be your favourite film when you only know half of what's going on? Would you still feel the same if you knew how shit the ending was?

Joysmum Wed 07-Jan-15 17:06:25

Honesty...that's my number 1.

I feel any lying to deceive or by omission is only because you either think your partner isn't balanced enough to handle truth (lying to protect I also reject), or would stop you doing something which you would prioritise over their feelings.

FlourishingMrs Thu 08-Jan-15 21:46:33

Great cuddles

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