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Anyone in marital home with partner waiting for divorce?

(19 Posts)
arlagirl Sat 03-Jan-15 10:46:50

H will be moving out in March.
So difficult....his depression is awful and he's avoiding me as much as possible. Not speaking apart from in monosyllables.

Anyone else in a similar position?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 03-Jan-15 11:02:12

If it's not working out for you what could you do to change things? Might it be an idea for you to move out if he doesn't? Why is March significant? Is his depression diagnosed and being treated, and what effect is it having on your living environment?

arlagirl Sat 03-Jan-15 11:07:21

I can cope for next 8 weeks. Divorce will be through by then and his place ready.
Yes it is diagnosed and being treated.
Luckily back to work and school next week.

I think its the Xmas break which has made things more difficult... Not used to being in close proximity.

CalleighDoodle Sat 03-Jan-15 11:09:48

Thats why first working day in january is most popular for divorce! I did it for 8 months. hard!

NoPinkPlease Sat 03-Jan-15 21:23:11

I'm doing it too - waiting for him to get a full time job and buy a new place. I'm psyching up for 6 months more. Gulp.

ceecee32 Sat 03-Jan-15 21:26:19

I did it for about 6 months, to be honest I think I just got through day to day but I must have erased it from my memory as I can't really remember much about it. So there is hope - once you have got through it you might forget as well

IDeserveMore Sun 04-Jan-15 09:57:09

4 months in. Horrendous. He refuses to move out. Won't consider looking for somewhere. Wants to buy AFTER the consent order. And is now rather surprised that I've filed for divorce and am pushing to get things sorted asap. He can't fathom why I wasn't prepared to wait 2 years! Stupid man!
You have my sympathies...... Its the most awful situation to be in. We don't speak. At all. Which is a little tricky in the same house with 2dcs.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 04-Jan-15 10:17:30

I did it for two years. In a very small house, with four DCs. My sanity will never be quite the same again.

arlagirl Sun 04-Jan-15 10:27:16

Oh god Annie and Ideservemore....makes my situation pale into insignificance.
He can't stand it that I'm seemingly unfazed...

Cabrinha Sun 04-Jan-15 10:55:58

I was the happiest I'd been in years for the 4 months we lived together post split, waiting for my house to be ready.

Look at this way - being in the house with them is crap, but being in it when you were still WITH them, was even crapper!

IDeserveMore Sun 04-Jan-15 19:48:41

Two years Annie? Oh my god. Kill me now rather than live through that!

suspiciousandsad Sun 04-Jan-15 22:04:30

Yep. I keep making schedules of viewings, and going with him. I'll bloody well find him somewhere because he's doing bugger all about it.

PurpleWithRed Sun 04-Jan-15 22:06:41

I did it for 14 months. Lost over 2stone, was only a stone overweight. You have my sympathy.

1Cheesedoff Sun 04-Jan-15 23:21:33

I am in the same house and have been ignored for 8months and have lost my nerve over xmas period was going to a solicitor last Friday. I think being in the same house over a week without work as sucked my energy and confidence. Hearing u brave ladies I am praying I will once again have the confidence to get out for good. good luck there is light at the end of the tunnel. x

Placeinthesun Sun 04-Jan-15 23:22:24

Stbxh and I lived together for a year after agreeing to part.... We went through depression, anger, loathing and irritation but being stuck under the same roof and having to keep some semblance of normality for the dc we ended up getting on. We didn' tell the dc we were splitting for 9 months but we were doing parallel parenting under one roof by then and they weren't that suprised. Once we came through the anger and bitterness (helped by him meeting new P less than a month after we split) we remembered we have a fair bit in common and 3 great dc and without the pressure of being in a relationship with each other managed to get along as mates. Now he's gone we still see each other and stop for a coffee when swapping kids over at each others houses and each have keys for both places. I am glad we had the year to 'uncouple' and show dc that we can be friends and get along now. We lived together for 13 years so know each others foibles, likes and dislikes and had the best evening together for years over a bottle of wine about six weeks before he left and will message each other about kids /something we find amusing on the radio etc frequently. Is not all bad once you move in enough to get past the wanting to clean the loo rim with his toothbrush stage. Life is too short... But he wasn't abusive just self centred/selfish /pa. Good luck to you all.

arlagirl Mon 05-Jan-15 07:35:21

placeinthesun we have had moments like that. We agreed that we would be pleasant and civil.
But he just can't do it.
He can't bear me just getting on with things......I have to, I'm in charge of kids.

MiconiumHappens Mon 05-Jan-15 07:47:51

OP am in the same boat hmm
I basically get 2 days of ok and a day if anger, moods, tears, and STBX making everything harder than it needs to be.

I feel for him but he know ultimately he destroyed our marriage so it's hard to have to keep him going through dark times.

But with 3 DC what are you going to do? We have to keep going I think.

Urgh it's just Urgh!!!

But I'll tell you this.....everyday I am reassured I'm doing the right thing by his crappy behavior and inability to ever out me before himself.

I too get grief for "being ok" and I "have everything I want". It makes me very sad and angry I never wanted this! STBX killed the live in our marriage. It feels like slow torture, like he's punishing me while he can. hmm

MiconiumHappens Mon 05-Jan-15 07:49:50

Gah! Sorry for so many typos....iPhone and a bit of a rant.

awishes Mon 05-Jan-15 07:58:45

Same position here, divorce started Jan 2014, he moved out after 5 months of me begging him to as he had OW and now he's moving back in!!

He will not respond to any of my proposals for financial settlement through our solicitors so am now applying to court.

It is a living hell and the kids are stuck in the middle. He didn't want to be married to me and hated living with me so goodness knows why he has unilaterally decided to move back in for what will probably be another year (money!).

Good luck to everyone else!

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