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'D'H having an affair

(4 Posts)
Tryingtobebrave Sat 03-Jan-15 03:19:39

I'm new but have lurked on here for years.Looks like my ... What do I even call him now?... Has been having an affair.Hed left to 'have some space' and stayed with 'a friend' and given me the impression that it might all work out once he'd 'sorted himself out'.He just 'didn't feel himself' etc etc.Ive read it all on here so many times before.And the only reason I wasn't suspicious is because everytime I saw him he looked awful and I imagined that if he was with someone else he'd be all happy and shiney.Anyway through a combination of me working it out and information filtering it's way through to me Im as sure as I can be that I know and have told him so very calmly by text (he refused to actually speak to me tonight).Were supposed to be speaking tomorrow and I just want to hear the truth from him as it will make it so much easier to make a clean break.Ive read enough on here to know that I need to tell him that I know and not much else but any other advice?I work but will have to put in a claim for benefits in order to afford everything, does anyone know how long they take to come through?Have children,rent so no mortgage.Anything else I need to think of?Thanks.

AmantesSuntAmentes Sat 03-Jan-15 03:40:44

I just want to hear the truth from him as it will make it so much easier to make a clean break.

I really hope he gives you this, at least. Unfortunately, it is quite often the case that they don't. I would say, try not to let his input impede upon what you want to do next. Make your decisions and go with them, pretty much regardless of what he has to say. In case of bs, don't doubt yourself or what you have come to know. You have to focus on what's best for you and your DC and grab it with both hands.

Benefits should not take long but if you come unstuck while waiting, your local council will have a 'pot' and can sometimes help people in times of hardship. If you decide to move forward without him, remove him from your tenancy. You may want to also discuss contact arrangements.

I am sorry that you've been treated in this way. Good luck with whatever you decide and it does get easier, over time.

Tryingtobebrave Sat 03-Jan-15 03:48:55

Thank you for replying.It all makes perfect sense.I do have savings I can use if necessary but would prefer not to use need to.Do benefits get backdated?Have already thought about contact with the kids,depends a lot obviously on when he wants to see them but Id like it to happen with as little input from me as possible.I don't want to see or speak to him once arrangements for the kids have been made,although I realise this isn't entirely practical.It doesn't feel real yet,I know it will feel awful soon.Going to try and get some sleep now.

FreeSpirit89 Sat 03-Jan-15 06:11:22

The only advice I have for you comes from past expierence.

My ex and sons dad, whom I loved very much, left us when DS was 8weeks old. He was having an affair with my cousins, girlfriend and mother of his child. He denided it , says he was confused and needed space.

The last time I saw him was when he walked out of the door before any off this came to light. I never got an explanation, and DS has no father.

My point is, I thought I need an explanation to move on. It ruled me for a few months, (hormones after new baby I like to think) but I realised around 11 months after, all I needed was to apologise to myself for allowing myself to be treated in that way.

It's made my recovery a lot smoother since then, I wish you the same.

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