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Cowardly but I did it!!

(11 Posts)
Balders74 Fri 02-Jan-15 13:35:34

So for those of you who have read my other thread, I left the letter for H to read this morning & left with the DC's. I've done it!!

Have to go back home shortly so will find out how he has taken it.

Still can't believe I actually did it!

BuzzardBirdRoast Fri 02-Jan-15 13:37:10

Well done you, haven't read your other thread but it was obviously something you need to do. thanks

Tobyjugg Fri 02-Jan-15 15:48:05

Excellent. I read your other threads and have been wondering how he'd react. I know that makes me seem unduly nosy but that's the truth. Good luck for the future!

Balders74 Fri 02-Jan-15 16:04:38

Thanks both. I have told my H that our marriage is over.

Have just got home to find him crying but he has now gone out without saying very much. It's not what I expected because he is almost bereft of emotions except anger most of the time. So now I am sat here in tears feeling SO bad & guilty etc. etc.

But I shall stay strong because I really need to do this for myself and my DCs. The next few days/weeks are going to be tough sad

littleleftie Fri 02-Jan-15 16:17:33

Balders I know one of your options was to leave him in the house if he wouldn't leave and "let it get reposessed" but that would have a lasting impact on both your credit ratings if the mortgage is in both your names.

I really would try to persuade him to go if you can.

Best of luck - a fabulous new year for you and the DC.

Just tell yourself his tears are just self pity because his easy ride of fannying about while you pay for everything, all the while abusing you and the children has come to an end. He won't like that but I really wouldn't feel sorry for him.

ruddygreattiger Fri 02-Jan-15 16:17:57

Wowzers, well done and stay strong. Took amazing strength and what a start to the new year!flowers

Balders74 Fri 02-Jan-15 16:27:59

littleleftie I am hoping he will see the sense of moving out as he cannot keep this house going, while I can. I did put that in the letter so hopefully it will strike a chord with him.

I suppose I was all geared up for him to be his usual bullish self and totally unprepared for crying. That is only the 3rd time in 15 years I have seen him cry (the other 2 times where not at the births of our children!). You are right that he is feeling sorry for himself, he must know he has chucked it all away but I have given him fair warning over the last few months.

Three or so months ago I told him I thought he was depressed, he agreed & I asked him to go to the GP for some help or our family would not survive. He refused & said he would deal with it himself! Well, here we are now!

I have wanted to do this for so long & I need to be strong. He has bashed me down so much but I am digging deep to find the strength I had at 26!!!

Balders74 Fri 02-Jan-15 16:29:01

I keep telling myself he has had my 30's & I want to be in control of my 40's.

littleleftie Fri 02-Jan-15 16:32:55

Stay strong Balders.

He won't let go easily - he has everything to lose here - his home and financial support, his emotional punchbags. You don't have to explain yourself, just keep saying "I am unhappy and have made my decision, I will not be changing my mind." You may have to repeat this many many times. You do not need his or anyone elses permission to leave the relationship.

Just think of the suffering you and the DC have been through. This is your Big Chance to move forwards. Don't blow it.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 02-Jan-15 16:44:47

Good on you - now is the time to predict all the emotional nonsense to pull you back in...be prepared for anything!

BitOutOfPractice Fri 02-Jan-15 16:58:15

Well done you! Stay strong and stay safe flowers

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