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why do I feel like this?...

(16 Posts)
kelstar123 Thu 01-Jan-15 18:55:48

hi there my friend uses this site ask thought id come on here and see if anyone has any advice.....
ive been with my boyfriend about 15 months and things are going well.... They started off very slow hardly saw each other and he wasn't very affectionate, I felt rejected etc but the last 3/4 months or so I feel we have really moved on emotionally he tells me he loves me is more affectionate etc and have started seeing each other 2/3 days a week....
I just wanted some advice on why all of a sudden I feel so needy/insecure...there has been nothing that worried me to prompt this infact hes better with me than hes ever been but I feel consumed with worry even more now than ever....will he call? when will I see him again? we spent a lovely night together last night and were really close he then drove me home and asked if he had left anything at mine the other day and I panicked thinking whys he asking that? isnt he going to come back? I know people may think I'm mad but its consuming me atm and I want to try and come accross less needy... When he left tonight I burst into tears ( after he had gone ) I felt like I missed him so badly already....is this normal? And how do I make it hurt less when he goes?
Thank you for reading

LineRunner Thu 01-Jan-15 19:01:50

Do you feel that everything has been moving at his pace rather than yours? You may be feeling a slight loss of control, possibly, if the pace isn't being set jointly.

kelstar123 Thu 01-Jan-15 19:13:50

yeah maybe....it was going ridiculously slowly at 1st which I hated but for some reason in the last 3 months or so he's turned into more like how I spent the entire last year wishing he was yet all of a sudden I feel massively insecure and needy x

LineRunner Thu 01-Jan-15 19:16:38

How do you arrange dates and/or nights together? Are you always waiting for him to ring and make suggestions?

heyday Thu 01-Jan-15 19:19:40

Well, when something/someone comes to mean a lot to us then we sometimes panic that we are going to lose it/them.
In life there are no guarantees. This relationship might last two weeks or it might last twenty years. It's in the hands of destiny. Why not just enjoy what you have. You can worry day and night but it won't change a thing. Enjoy today and let tomorrow worry about itself.

LineRunner Thu 01-Jan-15 19:22:34

Yes, I think part of the problem might be that now you have what you think you wanted, you have a fear of it being taken away.

kelstar123 Thu 01-Jan-15 19:25:40

linerunner....he works alot and has his child 3 nights a week so us seeing each other is always around that and always arranged last minute not days in advance so I'm left not knowing when ill see him again...he says not to worry coz I should know I will see him but I just seem totally consumed by worrying and being insecure atm....neither of which are an attractive quality I know x

LineRunner Thu 01-Jan-15 19:37:46

It's the not knowing I would suspect is causing you the insecurity.

But surely he must know what nights he's having his child?

kelstar123 Thu 01-Jan-15 19:43:34

he doesn't unfortunately his ex doesn't let him know till that day whether he can have his child or not....its all a control thing on her part.....He left his phone at home when he dropped me off so I sent him a soppy msg to get home to as he's going home to an empty house....hes seen the msg but didn't reply and ive got this comment of has he left any stuff here stuck in my head wondering why he asked....
Someone just set me straight n tell me I'm crazy lol

hamptoncourt Thu 01-Jan-15 19:49:23

Hold on a minute - you have to sit around twiddling your thumbs, waiting for him to let you know if he can see you on a day by day basis?

Sod that!!

kelstar123 Thu 01-Jan-15 19:56:39

erm sort of....I have to work round his child which is fair enough I just miss him so much when hes not here my stomach is in knots with so much stuff I want to say but I hold bk as he's not very soppy and don't wanna put him off

gatewalker Thu 01-Jan-15 20:15:24

kelstar - No matter whether he's staying or leaving, it's time to get yourself in order. No person needs to have this much influence on your life or your emotions. You are putting your life on hold for him - you are, by choice. And you are bearing the brunt of the emotional consequences of giving away your power. You can put a stop to this right now. Not by breaking up with him, but by starting to draw up some boundaries around what is acceptable for you, and what isn't; about what you need to do to nurture yourself and your own life as well as the life you have with him. Come on, sweetheart!

gatewalker Thu 01-Jan-15 20:17:12

Put it another way: what is going to put him off more: A needy, anxious woman who plans her life around him? Or a smart, self-assured, independent woman who understands that her own needs must come first, or she has nothing of value to give to someone else?

hamptoncourt Thu 01-Jan-15 20:19:32

But it isn't fair enough OP.

It is fair if he says I cannot see you next Tuesday or Friday as I have my DC, but it sounds as though you get slotted in when he has nothing else on. Are you able to make plans to see friends etc or do you drop everything for him?

Couldn't you just tell him when you are free and then see if he makes himself available? That would give you a far better idea of how far up his list of priorities you are.

Good luck.

kelstar123 Thu 01-Jan-15 21:12:17

he knows this and says he is going to be more firm with the ex from now on and stop her keeping him dangling re seeing his child so then we can make more plans together to look forward to seeing each other.....
I guess what I'm feeling is falling in love hard and I'm not used to it as have protected myself from doing that for yrs since me and my childrens dad split up....it scares me a bit, infact alot! I havent said any of this to him, he knows I love him as I tell him all the time ( he does too tho )
its just scary how much I miss him when hes not here and I dont like that feeling

kelstar123 Fri 02-Jan-15 22:36:28

thank you for all your replies... I'm still not sure why I'm feeling so insecure atm but I'm trying to ignore it and not be so needy! hes out with his mates tonight ( im meant to be seeing him tomorrow night ) I wont text him tonight even tho its hard....wish I could just chill and not worry constantly if ive annoyed him x

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