I have been with DH for nearly 8 yrs, we have DS (10) who is mine but DH has legally adopted. DH is 20+ years older than me but this has never been an issue. Not something I planned but equally not something I have ever been really too worried about (aside from the "young widow" aspect which I reconciled myself to some years ago)
All of my young life I imagined I would only have one child, a boy. When DS was born I believed that was it for me and was happy as such. Once I met DH though I really wanted another DC with him (not a DC at any cost, just one of our own) I truly believe that if DS was biologically ours then I wouldn't have worried at all.
Anyway we struggled, DH saw our GP and was given a Viagra type drug (he is a bit rubbish at explaining the issue in any case but had grossly underestimated his drinking when the GP asked him) I know he lied at this point, either to me or the GP but I love him, I had DS and I resolved to move on.
Fast forward 5 years, still no DC and now it seems that DH is completely spermless. Not even a low count, completely devoid of any :( I dealt with that eventually (TBH after 5 years I had a strong suspicion that there was an issue somewhere, so it was not a big surprise)
Now two years on from there I have just realised we have spent a whole month, from one period to the next, without having anything even approaching sex. We are getting on really well but seem to be more "mates" rather than partners IYSWIM. DH often struggles with sex, ie we can only do it in the morning. In the evening he often cannot get an erection or maintain it if he has had a drink, which he does every night. Drinking has become a sort of bone of contention for us as I know think we drink too much while he refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem. Any time the issue is mentioned I am "nagging" but I have reached the stage where I am feeling unloved and lost.
To be clear, we both drink everyday. I can take it or leave it most days but DH needs a drink every day. And it can in the week be just a drink (my father was a secret drinker, I know all the tricks WRT sneaking an extra drink. I truly believe that I do know exactly what DH is drinking) I am stopping for Dry January tomorrow and the issue isn't huge for me whereas DH has resisted joining me with some venom. I am starting to worry that he does have a dependency problem but that he will categorically refuse to acknowledge it. After all he gets up early every day, holds down a job, takes part in hobbies etc. so he cannot see he has an issue. For my part I'm so sick of it but cannot realistically force him to stop. I desperately don't want to leave him as DS and I love him completely but the drinking and associated personal problems are becoming too much for me to cope with :(
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What to do about DH?
19 replies
TheFantasticMrsFox · 01/01/2015 18:14
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