Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
And here I am again. Sorry.(8 Posts)
So I started a thread a month or so ago about how miserable I was with my DP and I wanted to finish it for good. I did that evening then sadly the following day my dd told me she had been raped multiple times by a lad out at her fathers. She asked for my dp to be with us when she spoke to the police.
Since then the last four weeks have been a blur. A horrible nightmare of police, interviews, musicals etc etc. And my partner has been about as normal. Because as much as I don't want to be with him, my dd wanted him around. He's been so lovely with my dd, I found myself softening towards him.
Now though, I want him gone. I'm not in a good way. The kids have been away for a few days with their father and I have pretty much been in bed. I'm very depressed. I'm on meds though, was anyways and trying to motivate myself. The kids coming home tomorrow will get me going too.
My dp didn't spend New Year's Eve with me. I just wanted a quiet night in but he wanted to spend it with his friend who is a big drug user and will no doubt have been sticking some down his neck last night.
It's now half five and I tried to call him. Didn't really want to but his phone was off anyways. Obviously has no intentions of seeing me on ny day either.
After Christmas he took me away for a few days to a nearby town. There was a poker tournament he wanted to play in. He also said we would go to the cinema, and sales shopping. Of which we did neither. We did have some nice meals. But basically I just hung around for two days whilst he played in his tournament.
And now he can't even be bothered to spend any time with me at new year. Maybe I wouldn't be so bothered if I wasn't feeling so low and vulnerable right now. But I am bothered and I just want him gone now.
I'm probably being unreasonable but I do think he contributes to my unhappiness and I don't want another year like the two ive just had.
I know it's a shit thing to do, to finish with someone on ny day and I do feel guilty because he was there for my dd. But I don't think I can go any more months of being with this man.
You don't have to be with him. Honestly you don't.
Are you afraid that it will upset DD if you split up with him now? Is that likely, and if so, what do you think you would say to her in such a scenario? Does it "feel" right in your gut when you imagine it?
I am so sorry for what your DD and your family are going through right now.
Take care of yourself. Your DD needs you as well as you can possibly make yourself at this time, and if that means separated from this man, then that's what you need to do.
Sounds like he's not that bothered about you since you've shown you don't want to be with him any more anyway - if he really wanted to stay with you, he'd make more effort. Now he's just making it easier for you to finish things with him again.
But - there's no point feeling sorry for yourself that he's just being who he is - just use the upsetness to harden your resolve to finish things and move on, hopefully to better things.
Sorry to hear about your DD's situation, though, that's dreadful for her (and you). If your STBXDP is any kind of caring man though, he'll help support her through this even if you're not together. How long has he been your DP? How long has he been in your DD's life, is what I really mean?
Why on earth are you "hanging around for 2 days" waiting to be taken to the cinema and shopping?
I presume you can walk and talk etc. so you are silly putting the power of your own life in his hands.
Honestly, I would've gone shopping and to the cinema by myself. I do it all the time, go to the cinema for matinees, it's great.
I bet once you take your own life by the horns and live it how you want those meds can go into the bucket!
So sorry to read what happened to your daughter. Good that she feels safe with your ex, but it doesn't mean you have to hang around for it either.
I'm perfectly capable of walking and talking. However this was supposed to be for my Christmas (shopping/cinema) and I didn't have much money at all myself after paying for four kids christmas. Or I would have done exactly that.
He did win money in the poker tournament and then gave me £100 of it. For my Christmas present. Just as we were about to leave.
Thumb I've been with him 18 months. He's been about as a 'friend' from early on but properly about for nine months.
Yes I'm worried it will upset her. I have four children but she in particular adores him.
I completely understand why you let him back, you understandably put your daughters immediate needs above yours.
Think hard and make the decision that he is to go if that's what YOU want, and then stick to it. I think if you present her with the fact that you don't love him and he doesn't treat you properly and DO NOT BUDGE from your decusion, she will understand. Tell her that you need to be as strong as possible to look after her and your other kids, and he makes you miserable. He is sapping energy you need at the moment, to get through this ordeal with your daughter. He thinks poker and drugs are more important than supporting you emotionally. Ugh, get rid asap.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.