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So manipulated

(4 Posts)
ironwill Thu 01-Jan-15 16:00:23

I'm sure this will totally out me. Finding it very hard to post somewhere so 'public' but I have to do something. I hardly know where to start so am sure I'll unintentionally drip-feed. I feel utterly trapped in the 'relationship' I'm in. The way it works is, he doesn't really live with us, has only ever visited at weekends. Periodically he simply doesn't turn up. (450 mile journey). But he doesn't let me know beforehand. He did this yesterday, for New Year. I feel angry & display this anger when he does turn up. But because of the children and my being pathetic I still let him come. But it leaves me in a permanent will-he, won't-he state of mind. I'm also financially dependent on him at the moment but will change that in the next year, I hope.

He obviously realises that he can do as he wishes and I have no recourse ... he isn't physically violent but I just feel utterly, completely, used. In a you-will-stay-there-and-I-will-pick-you-up-as-and-when-it-suits-me kind of way. He lives two very different lives, I think. I need people to help me change things. I despise myself for being so pathetic. My nickname is a nod to a time in my life when I had physical and mental strength.

woowoo22 Thu 01-Jan-15 16:07:18

Why does he live so far away? is he married?

Justwanttomoveon Thu 01-Jan-15 16:09:19

I know how it feels to let the other person dictate the way the relationship goes, please don't hate yourself.
I think you know what you have to do, if this relationship makes you feel shitty, you are not going to feel much worse going it alone. Even if you do initially you will gain strength from taking control.
How long have you been together? Are your dc his children?

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 01-Jan-15 16:40:33

What is the actual situation? How long have you been like this? Kids together? House? Do you work etc?

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