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Do you just have to let someone go if they repeatedly do not respect your boundaries?

(8 Posts)
IfuckingHateIkea Wed 31-Dec-14 23:14:46

If someone consistently does not listen to you when you tell them that you do not like the way the talk/treat you is it just better to walk away from them?

What is the best way to create healthy boundaries. My parents never respected my boundaries so as an adult I am having to find them. I've been NC with them for a year. My current way of going about having boundaries is tell someone I don't like something they have done/said and then watch their reaction. If they do it again, I just fuck them off. Is it just better to not bother with people who do not respect your personal boundaries.

CogitOIOIO Wed 31-Dec-14 23:24:11

Life is too short to waste it with people that don't take you seriously. If it's someone that doesn't really feature much in your day to day, you might just dismiss them as an idiot. Sometimes being assertive works if it's someone you're thrown together with, like a work colleague. If you don't have to be around them, however, don't bother.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Wed 31-Dec-14 23:26:27

You don't have to, of course but sometimes it's the only sensible strategy unless you like other people walking all over you and then wiping their feet on you for good measure.

The best way to to create healthy boundaries is to be absolutely certain what/where they are and then stick to your guns. Ruthlessly. Fair warning and then cut them out like a cancer.

WildBillfemale Thu 01-Jan-15 11:23:09

If someone consistently does not listen to you when you tell them that you do not like the way the talk/treat you is it just better to walk away from them

tbh if you consistently put up with the disrespect your boundaries aren't clear or strong.

The boundary is 'X behaviour is not acceptable to me and will not be allowed to happen with me'.
Yes you walk.

Hassled Thu 01-Jan-15 11:26:40

I'm all for being assertive but don't forget that compromise is important too. There's a fine line between acceptable compromise for someone you care about or respect, and having your boundaries trampled over.

CogitOIOIO Thu 01-Jan-15 11:30:24

I agree with the PP for the simple reason that, if you walk away from everyone that offends you rather than assert yourself or compromise occadionslly, it can end up being rather isolating.... Pick your battles

Meerka Thu 01-Jan-15 11:47:07

can try enforcing boundaries with parents by telling them how you;d like to be treated, preferably by letter, then when they start in again ask them not to speak to you like that. If they continue, leave. Contact again when you are ready to - might be 3 weeks, might be longer - rinse and repeat.

Slowly their behaviour might adjust to take your new boundaries into account.

Stay calm at all times.

Or if they go the other way and carry on the same way then yes, Im afraid that if they cause you too much grief the only answer is to walk away.

AMumInScotland Thu 01-Jan-15 12:15:36

It's hard to say without the detail, but I think there's a risk of you becoming too demanding in your reaction to not having established boundaries before. I don't always like what other people do, but that doesn't mean they are in the wrong, IYSWIM? If you genuinely think their behaviour is out of order, then you don't have to put up with it. But is their behaviour really that bad or are you maybe just 'primed' to notice every little thing and are a bit over sensitive to it?

You may be surrounded by unpleasant people who need to be reacted to, some people end up with a lot of them around because they have been doormats and attrtacted people who want someone they can walk all over.

But, most people aren't surrounded by people like that, so you have to judge them fairly and as others have said allow for a certain amount of compromise.

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