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Is this abuse or just being a prick?

145 replies

NameChangerNYE · 31/12/2014 22:43

I've NC'd because I don't want this following me around.

I am wondering if this behaviour is normal or if it is an abusive thing? I'll try to explain as best I can.

Been with DP for nearly 11 years. We have kids, but no kids together.

We aren't speaking right now, haven't spoken since about 6 pm. He came in from dropping his kids off at the bus station to go back home after stopping with us for 11 days. I hadn't done the drying up from lunch. I was just watching a programme and then was going to do it after that but he got back earlier than I thought so it wasn't done. He said "why hasn't she done it". She being my DD. I said it wasn't fair to walk in and instantly say she should have done something when his son and daughter had been here 11 days and hadn't lifted a finger (literally). He then does this thing, which he often does, where he will shout his mouth off/say his bit and then I try to respond and he will walk off. In this instance, he said what he said, that I was lazy/my DD was lazy, he shouldn't have to walk in after an hours driving, and be expected to dry up. He wasn't expected to dry up I had just got engrossed in a tv programme and he was back earlier. But then he walks off when I try and respond. He says his bit, and then I was trying to reply and he said "oh just shut your mouth, stop going on about it". I tried to speak and say my bit/my response and he kept saying "shut your mouth" and slammed the back door. He went for a fag and then came back in and I sat at the table and tried to say, it isn't fair for you to come in and picking on me or my DD when your kids have been here 11 days and haven't lifted a finger, he wouldn't answer, he kept saying "i dont need this, you're giving me a headache, why do I need to listen to this". Eventually I lost and slapped both hands down on the table. He responded by thumping both his fists on the table, shouting in my face, and it scared me and I cried, it was just that i was scared, he said "oh now you start crying" and then he did it again, so hard that he knocked over his pint glass and all the beer went all over the wall in the kitchen and all over the table. My DD was in the other room and she started crying and I went to her and he said "oh now she's crying, oh yes oh whats wrong with her now, oh make it into a big thing".

He hasn't spoken to me since. He said at the time, "you did this". But I didn't. I did get frustrated because he wouldn't listen to me when I was trying to say that he had been allowed to speak his piece and then I didn't get a chance to respond because he just kept walking off, but I didn't do anything else to wind him up.

I'm really confused.

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Impala77 · 31/12/2014 22:51

Hi there, my husband is exactly like this.
He'll start an argument over nothing and then turn it around so it's all my fault. He'll shout and swear, often getting in my face.
afterwards he'll say it's because I wind him up. He also won't let me say my piece it's so frustrating isn't it? I think you have to just ignore him until he's calmed down. Or tell him he has an anger problem and get it sorted or get lost. I've lived with this for 15 yrs and the occasions are few and far between now, but when he blows up it still scares me and my little girl. I think lots of people think behaving this way is normal, its not. Hope you make the right decision.