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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

To be threatened and beaten

(36 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Alwayslast Wed 31-Dec-14 12:00:47

We have 3 DC 2 under 5, so excited on Christmas morning, I woke to demands to see gift receipts or divorce, I cleaned, cooked all day why mil took all out before lunch for 2 hours, then we sat down to eat, afterwards I was looking forward to family games but MIL and my dr spent the afternoon clearing out our kitchen cupboard shutting out me and our DCs. The next few days I've had constant divorce threats and now this morning had my head banged multiple times against our bed board, punched and scratched in the face all for complaining how Christmas could've been better and asking all the threats please stop, the attack was in front of my DS who's only 4. I've been at the end of my tether knowing how much effort I've been trying while my DH worked leaving all the children with me, then left alone all last weekend while the kids were removed overnight to my MIL. happy new year, I'm worried about it all starting again or removal of kids this evening.

MrsKCastle Wed 31-Dec-14 12:03:09

Please call the police, and women's aid. You don't have to stay in this relationship.

QuietTinselTardis Wed 31-Dec-14 12:03:10

Leave. Call the police and ask them to help you leave. Get the kids and go now. This does not have to be your life.

tippytap Wed 31-Dec-14 12:03:30

Hi Always,

I'm not sure what you're asking, but your home life sounds awful. Have you thought about kicking your 'D'H out?

TheyThinkImCool Wed 31-Dec-14 12:04:29

Alwayslast - Reading this has made me feel sad, what a horrible horrible man, you need to get away from him asap.

Lweji Wed 31-Dec-14 12:05:58

Always, ring the police and tell them it all.

Then call WA. And then NCDV for an emergency injunction.

This man should not be allowed near you or your children.

Alwayslast Wed 31-Dec-14 12:27:06

I just feel like I'm constantly living in fear of losing my home and children as MIL will take my place, we earn pretty much equally but DH had the deposit after our DS birth 5 years ago into our bigger home. It's been going on for nearly as many years normally extreme around this time of year.

26Point2Miles Wed 31-Dec-14 12:29:55

You don't seem too worried about your ds experiencing ea by witnessing this. Can only assume you are in shock

Your mil and money shouldn't be your first thought here

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 31-Dec-14 12:30:02

. Get out O.P. This man is a cruel wicked bully. To have him around you and babies is a welfare and safe guarding issue. Heaven forbid it could be them next. Please do not wait till he/t time because I guarantee there will be a next time.
You only seem to see these men (and I use that word very loosely) picking on and sizing up women. You never see them fighting with men though.

AlpacaYourThings Wed 31-Dec-14 12:31:27

Always this sounds like a horrendous home life for you and your DC.

Please consider calling Woman's Aid and seeking advice.

You need to get yourself and your children out of this environment.

Lweji Wed 31-Dec-14 12:31:41

How will MIL take your place?

You may not be able to continue living in the same house, as you may have to sell it.
But, if you (plus child maintenance) can afford to pay the mortgage, your OH can be forced to leave the house. By the police and the courts.
Your MIL has no rights whatsoever to the children and he may only get supervised contact as he beats you in front of the children and is likely to take them to MIL.
Do talk to WA about it all and a good solicitor experienced in DV.

For what is worth, I got rid of exH, who was a SAHD. You can do it. This is no way to live.

FayKorgasm Wed 31-Dec-14 12:32:07

Living without fear in a small flat is a million times better than your current abusive situation. Call the police and prepare to leave.

CuttedUpPear Wed 31-Dec-14 12:32:46

Get yourself to A&E and get your injuries documented, tell them who did it as well.
If you need to prove that this happened in the future, you will have evidence.

Dawndonnaagain Wed 31-Dec-14 12:33:52

Get out. You and the dc. Get the police they will sort you and the dc out safely. NOW!

Humansatnav Wed 31-Dec-14 12:33:59

Police, now. He has committed a criminal assault on you.
Woman's Aid.
Tell someone in rl .

Lweji Wed 31-Dec-14 12:35:15

Also, when I left exH, I just took DS and my purse. I was able to return home a few days later when he left it.
What you shouldn't do is put up with this. Nor allow him to subject your children to it.

whois Wed 31-Dec-14 12:35:53

Call woman's aid.
Call the police.
Go to A&E.

IrishBloodEnglishHeart Wed 31-Dec-14 12:36:12

Has he marked you? Take pictures. Call the police. He has committed a crime and in front of your child too. This is is utterly dreadful and although you may feel scared and powerless you can change this.

Do you have friends or family you can go to or confide in.

londonrach Wed 31-Dec-14 12:56:52

Call the police now op! Holding your hand

mommy2ash Wed 31-Dec-14 13:31:17

who is removing the kids to mil? You need to leave especially for your children's sake

Allthequeenshorses Wed 31-Dec-14 13:31:44

Op, please, please call the police. Now.

workhouse Wed 31-Dec-14 13:37:24

OP how are your children being removed without your permission? do you have any friends or family that can come and be with you, and stand up against these bullies? I am worried about you and am glad that you have reached out here for help. Do come back and update.

43percentburnt Wed 31-Dec-14 13:39:04

Always, ask for this post to be moved to relationships. You will receive lots of support and advice on there.

This behaviour is not normal. Your children do not deserve to witness this and you deserve to feel safe and loved in your home.

Please call women's aid when it is safe to.

Please tell your health visitor about the violence. Call 101 and tell them about what is going on too.

Record as much as possible, this will help you if you want to push for 'd'h seeing the children supervised. The domestic abuse laws have changed recently, are you aware of what constitutes domestic abuse? You may feel what is happening to you isn't that bad, this is a normal way to feel. What you are enduring is really bad and you don't deserve it.

Do you have friends or family nearby? Can you leave safely?

It is most dangerous when you decide to leave.

Blackout234 Wed 31-Dec-14 13:41:47

LEAVE. I'm in south wales, If you are too im more than happy to stuff you in my car.

Blackout234 Wed 31-Dec-14 13:49:05

Next time he goes out to work, Fly around the house and gather everything. Marriage certification (You'll probably need that to divorce his ass), DC's birth certs, passports, ONE change of clothes for each of you, its all you need. toothbrush for each of you, whatever money youve got or have access to. it should all fit in one bag or backpack. If you both work, book the day off work then "Leave" for work as usual (if you leave before him, if not just get dressed in office clothes or whatever) If youre a SAHM then just go about your morning as normal, smile, make his lunch, give him a kiss and tell him you love him. disgusting but worth it, dont let him know anything is up. give him an hour until he gets to work, he may "forget"something and walk into you on your way out.
Leave,go to the kids school, pick them up,explain everything if you need to.get to your mums, sisters, brothers,friends womens aid or wherever, just GO, then go to the hospital once your kids are safe, get your injuries treated and documented then let them call the police.
Hugs, Dont stay please hun. this is coming from someone whos father beat the shit out of her mother every single day for years, I had to watch her black and blue in the bath when she couldnt wash her self. your kids dont need to do that cos you can do this! x

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