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DH is a bit Girly/Disorganised - Anyone Else Have One of these?

(474 Posts)
JessieJJJ Wed 31-Dec-14 11:16:37

...and how to cope, because its driving me mad?

This week for example, we went to the cinema, I booked the tickets, but it was a new cinema and we couldn't find it. This was after a minor drama where he lost his jacket. So we were wandering about the town, looking for it. He wouldn't ask anyone, so I had to approach 3 passers by to ask for directions, but by then he had wandered off. He wouldn't answer his phone so by the time he eventually stumbled across it, we had missed the first 40 minutes of the film.

Then after the film had ended, he had lost his car keys in the cinema. Fortunately someone had handed them in, but not before we had searched the entire cinema and I had been accused of "taking them".

We then went away in the car for a couple of days. I was going to book the first night's accommodation in a hotel but he asked me not to, as he didnt' want to be tied down. So I ended up paying nearly double to stay in the very same hotel as the on the door price was more expensive than the internet. I said he could do the accommodation for the second night, but we couldn't find anywhere, and were driving around for about 3 hours looking. A lot of places were closed and eventually we only found somewhere by pulling up at a tourist information board, me phoning various numbers on my phone and getting someone to open up a self catering apartment. DH's phone had ran out of power so he couldnt' do any phoning. He then sulked for most of the next day because he ended up paying £100 to stay in a self catering apartment for one night - he literally wouldn't speak to me or answer any questions until about 3pm.

We took it in turns to drive home, neither of us like Tom Toms but I am very good at map reading, so I gave him good directions when he was driving. As soon as we swapped, he gave me several wrong directions involving lengthy detours off the motorway into small villages, etc.. Even when we were visiting an attraction, he stood next to a massive sign saying "Exit" and announced "I'm really lost now, I can't find my way out".

He works as an engineer so should be quite practical, and he is only 45...but he seems to specialise in putting things on upside down or the wrong way round, you would think the law of change would mean he would be wrong maybe only 50% of the time but no, he bucks that trend. If you say "take the first exit at the roundabout" he is more likely to randomly take the third exit, if you say "go left" you cannot trust him not to go right.

It might sound funny but its actually incredibly stressful for me, as if I don't keep a constant watch on him, he might wander off and get lost. And driving in the dark and heavy rain late at night looking for a way back to the motorway isn't much fun. But he's quite rude with it?

Pico2 Wed 31-Dec-14 11:20:36

Girly? Really?

GoatsDoRoam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:21:38

He sounds like hard work and like a PITA, is what he sounds like.
And very self-absorbed.
And moody.
And demanding.

It sounds like you are dating a teenager in a grown man's body. That doesn't sound like a very rewarding relationship to be in.

Twinklestein Wed 31-Dec-14 11:22:09

I don't see what's 'girly' about this kind of incompetence, I've never met a woman with these kinds of issues.

Has he considered dyspraxia?

CocktailQueen Wed 31-Dec-14 11:22:15

Did you mean girly? That's an insult to girls!

He sounds selfish and stressful. I couldn't cope with that. Sounds like he takes no responsibility for anything - yuk. And the sulking? No way. How does he cope at work or when he's not with you? And does he sulk with other people, or just you?

BitchPeas Wed 31-Dec-14 11:22:30

He sounds like a useless twat not girly.

EmmaGellerGreen Wed 31-Dec-14 11:23:05

Sounds a nightmare but why does all that make him. "girly"?

GoatsDoRoam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:25:37

Perhaps the OP was raised to have a low opinion of girls (many people are).

I have a low opinion of her boyfriend.

littleducks Wed 31-Dec-14 11:26:22

I'm also hmm at girly. .. Maybe a phone autocorrect?

It would drive me nuts. It doesn't did like you have children, could you have children with a man like that or wood every family outing be a stress fest.

How is he at work!

Joysmum Wed 31-Dec-14 11:26:36

He manages perfectly well when he isn't with you so there is no need to keep a constant watch. What you've described is stressful because of your attitude to it, I'd see it as an annoyance and my dh wouldn't even see it as that.

I'm the organised one and DH extremely disorganised.

What amazes me is that he's the regional manager of the market leader in his field and is very well respected. I can't see how.

It's taken years for me to lighten up and him to be more organised so we aren't as far apart as we once were.

If you can't accept him for who he is you're going to make you and him miserable.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 31-Dec-14 11:27:26

He's a dickhead and sounds like he's a twat to you on purpose.

AnnieLobeseder Wed 31-Dec-14 11:28:01

After taking serious effort to get past you using the phrase "girly" to describe an incompetent adult (you must think very little of girls, why is that?)...

If your DH manages to be perfectly competent at work, then he is perfectly capable of being competent in his private life. But for reasons unknown he chooses not to.

If he can't give directions, use a sat nav. You may not like it, but at least it won't give you wrong directions (well, not as often, anyway). If he loses stuff, leave it to him to find it and just go to the movie alone. If he doesn't want to book hotels, book for yourself and let him sort himself out.

One he realises you aren't playing his game any more either he will buck up and start organising himself or he will keep sulking and you will have excellent reason to end the relationship. I couldn't stay with someone who caused me so much stress and extra hard work.

JessieJJJ Wed 31-Dec-14 11:28:07

Oh, other stuff: he will watch me carrying all the bags out from the car and only take his own personal belongings, and even when I drop stuff, he won't carry it. In general I just find him not very masculine - we don't have sex any more, he used to complain I was "hurting" him or "scratched" him, and generally I don't think he is that sexually confident, so it was easier for both of us just to stop.

Good points are that he holds down a good job and isn't a cheater, I mean he is quite reliable, if you accept that he is quite likely to get lost/turn up hours late, have some kind of crisis/catastrophe each day!

And no, its just me he sulks with. I think he's learned it from his father - he took early retirement while his mother worked full time, and he comes out with stuff about "having to look after your husband".

JessieJJJ Wed 31-Dec-14 11:29:14

I am quite certain that he wouldn't follow sat nav directions...

Bumply Wed 31-Dec-14 11:30:10

I'm so stuck on your use of girly to describe all his worst traits that I'm speechless.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 31-Dec-14 11:30:12

He's not incompetent and disorganised. he's a nasty, selfish twat.

tribpot Wed 31-Dec-14 11:30:14

It doesn't sound funny, it sounds bloody awful. And it's not really 'disorganised', is it? More like deliberate sabotaging through utter randomness.

I'm hoping 'girly' was an autocorrect fail as there's nothing remotely girly about his behaviour. I could not be doing with it at all. It's like some kind of enforced helplessness 'I can't possibly drive because I don't know which is the first turning off a roundabout'. 'I can't stand still whilst you ask for directions, I must wander off and thus inconvenicence you further'.

I don't get it - has he always been aggressively incompetent? How does he keep his job? It doesn't sound like it's confined just to home.

Twinklestein Wed 31-Dec-14 11:30:52

It sounds like you can rely on him to be unreliable.

Check this out: Dyspraxia in Adults

JessieJJJ Wed 31-Dec-14 11:30:59

"girly" is a phrase I would use for an adult of either sex who behaves a bit like a child and pretends to be helpless regarding things they should be capable of managing perfectly well. In DH's case, there is definitely something of the girl about him at times, he is just not very masculine (its hard to explain).

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 31-Dec-14 11:31:44

He sounds utterly bizarre.

Are you happy with him, honestly?

hesterton Wed 31-Dec-14 11:32:24

That hotel thing would have rendered me apoplectic.

Why do you need his permission to book a hotel? Next time, just tell him youve arranged a few days away and booked hotels and he can come if he wants to. Or better still, take a friend instead - you'd have more fun.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 31-Dec-14 11:33:45

He doesn't cheat on you because a) he has no interest in sex and b) no other woman would have him.

So good points: has a job hmm

Bad points: passive aggressive, disorganised, selfish, lazy, tight, irresponsible and a general waste of space.

hesterton Wed 31-Dec-14 11:34:18

And honestly, drop the 'girly' insult! As someone with sons and a daughter, I'd hate to think what message that would give them both about the value of female children.

MrsTawdry Wed 31-Dec-14 11:34:38

As a female and Mother of girls I am demanding that you stop using the word "girly" in a negative fashion. If you don't of course it's up to you but you will look like a fool...and an ignoramus.

GoatsDoRoam Wed 31-Dec-14 11:35:10

So his bad points are that he is selfish, self-absorbed, moody, demanding, crap shag, and a drama-llama, and you feel stressed and unhappy with him.

And his good points are that he is solvent and not putting his dick in anyone else.

Why are you still with him?

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