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Date? Or friends?

(15 Posts)
JessTheCat84 Wed 31-Dec-14 08:10:51

So I've NC for this as I'm a regular and quite embarrassed by how much I seem like a teenager today.

I've been single for just over 4 years and have a male friend who's been single for just over a year. Anyway he invited me to the pub as we couldn't meet up before christmas due to being too busy etc. We normally buy each other's kids a token present and as we talk weekly, go out a few times a year together and meet together with the kids I just thought it was normal.

I mentioned it to a friend and she was saying so it's a date? I just said no as it's a normal thing to do.

I know he has a bit of a thing for me as he said as much a couple of months ago whilst drunk. He apologised in the morning and he distanced himself a bit. Although he has started flirting with me when he realised that I wasn't horrified.

I've also got feelings for him but have never really said as much, but we do flirt a bit, However, when out for lunch once we bumped into another friend and she could tell I liked him as she asked later if she was interrupting a date.

The logical part of me thinks it's just friends meeting up but I guess I'd like it to be more. I know I'm overthinking this but the whole thing is making me nervous. I haven't been on a date in so long and totally out of practise with everything. He did mention that he's got something to tell me but would be better face to face which I could be overthinking and could be irrelevant.

My friend said I should make more effort than normal and hope he notices that I want it to be more but I'm not sure. He used to seeing me in very casual stuff so showing up differently would be a shock for him. Plus I don't want to embarrass myself. My friend has helpfully got me panicking about kissing etc.

I'm probably worrying myself over nothing though but it's not as if I can ask him either.

I promise I'm not 13!

Joysmum Wed 31-Dec-14 08:16:48

Personally I'd go with the 'mates going out for a drink premise' and see how it goes from there.

Rioux Wed 31-Dec-14 08:29:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JessTheCat84 Wed 31-Dec-14 09:27:39

Yes, that's what I was thinking. I can't say that I've been/am going somewhere else as he's offered to pick me up.

Part of me thinks I will dress up and if he says anything then I'll just say it's one of my New Years resolutions to make more of an effort. If he doesn't appreciate it then that's ok and maybe someone else in the pub will smile. It always makes me feel better about myself when I do make the effort. I was just worried he'd think I've done it for him, but I doubt he'd question it.

I've been trying hard to think of his news and I'm hoping that if he has got a new gf then he'd just tell me over text so I don't have to hide my gutted face. There's no clues on facebook or anything and I know he loves his job and wouldn't move because of his kids. Just puzzling that I need to hear it face to face. Worryingly my friend thinks either he's going to say he's got feelings or he's got something wrong with him. Argh, I just wish he'd tell me!

GingerbreadPudding Wed 31-Dec-14 09:43:53

But you've already said he has at least intimated he fancies you so why are you getting agitated that 'I wish he'd just tell me.' Maybe you need to tell him?

JessTheCat84 Wed 31-Dec-14 10:20:08

Gingerbread you're right I do but I'm a wuss and scared of rejection. I know he's said he fancies me (when drunk) and we flirt a bit, but there's some jump between that and dating. I don't potentially want to lose him as a friend as we've known each other for 8 odd years and supported each other through lots of shit.

Will have to wait and see what his news is. I just don't want to make anything more complicated than it needs to be.

GoatsDoRoam Wed 31-Dec-14 10:52:33

Argh, I just wish he'd tell me!

He has told you. And then he distanced himself from it the following morning, which is frankly insulting.

You, darling, are a catch. And any man who says he likes you, but then withdraws the statement, invites you out for a quasi-date, but has you completely confused about his feelings for you, is a man who is not being whole-hearted in his pursuit of you.

You deserve whole-hearted. This man is just making you confused, and ergo, unhappy. That's not very nice, is it? He needs to shit or get off the pot.

If he doesn't actually declare his feelings and kiss you or something on your date, stop the cozy weekly chats and all that jazz. He has you in his "maybe" pile, and you, dear, deserve to be someone's number 1 top priority.

JessTheCat84 Wed 31-Dec-14 13:34:02

Goats, I guess I see him differently. I presumed he apologised for saying he fancied me when drunk incase I didn't feel the same and he didn't want to make anything awkward.

Thanks for giving me a boost though smile.

ChristmasPuddin Wed 31-Dec-14 13:47:35

I'd say he distanced himself because you didn't reciprocate. And now he won't make a move because you didn't respond favourably the last time he tried.

I think the ball is in your court, really. You can't expect him to do anything when you've already rejected him. He's not psychic.

JessTheCat84 Wed 31-Dec-14 14:19:54

I didn't say how I felt because I thought he'd just said it because he was drunk. By the time I'd seen the text he'd already woken up and realised what he'd said and was probably feeling stupid/awkward.

Will have to see what the news is and see what to do next.

GoatsDoRoam Wed 31-Dec-14 14:40:06

Well, the being wholehearted business does go both ways, you know! wink

If you like him but have been keeping that close to your chest and shutting his overtures down out of misplaced feelings of "Oh, who could possibly like little old me!", then be a little bit more bold. Faint heart never won fair lady and all that. Applies to both of you.

(Although I would still frankly be hmm about a man who tells you he likes you and then immediately backtracks. You'd want one who's ready to stand by that statement, surely?)

Anyway, good luck. Hope you get some nice clearcut good news.

JessTheCat84 Wed 31-Dec-14 15:02:02

I know, I do agree. I'm a little rusty with the whole dating lark and I should have put my feeling out there. It would have seen a bit odd to say I liked him after he'd said he liked me and then apologised for being drunk. No excuses though.

He backtracked once he'd woken up and I never saw the text before. If I'd have seen the text message before then who knows.

I will see how it goes.

MiddleAgedandConfused Wed 31-Dec-14 15:09:42

Go for it - if you like him, tell him. I had to jump up and down in front of my husband waving my arms before he noticed me. Been married 17 years now. Take a risk...

JessTheCat84 Wed 31-Dec-14 15:37:43

Haha Middle, some men eh? Think I may need a few drinks beforehand.

MiddleAgedandConfused Wed 31-Dec-14 18:14:36

Let us know how it goes!

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