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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

A question

73 replies

Questor · 31/12/2014 07:28

Is it acceptable to discreetly look at adult web sites on a phone while in the same room as your child and they are playing happily on their own?

OP posts:

Report

Joysmum · 31/12/2014 07:39

You're going to get answers skewed by the large anti porn brigade.

For the record, I'm not anti porn, but I would go absolutely ballistic. This should not happen in the same room.

There will be those saying it shouldn't happen in the same house, but many parents will have a quickie with kids in the same house and that's certainly not worse or less risky.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 31/12/2014 09:09

I don't think it's a good idea, but then I have 2 children that are constantly right there next to me, constantly interacting, so they would see it. I would guess it depends on the age of the child and whether or not they would see it. I wouldn't, but that's my decision.

That being said, I guess if it was my partner or spouse, I would be questioning a- the need to do it right then and there while the dcs were there (in other words, FFS can't you wait until later?) or b-why can't you interact with the children instead?

Superworm · 31/12/2014 09:16

No it's not acceptable. Why would you want to feel turned on with children around?! Just wait until for a more appropriate time you were on your own.

TheyThinkImCool · 31/12/2014 09:55

No it's not acceptable, I can't believe one would ask that question.

handfulofcottonbuds · 31/12/2014 11:56

My DS is 21, if I was that way inclined, I wouldn't do it with him in the room let alone a young child.

I'm guessing you're talking about a partner doing this rather than yourself?

If porn is part of the relationship then there is a time to look at it and the time is not when DCs are about.

AutumnDragon · 31/12/2014 12:22

I might be being a little naive here, but isn't the point of porn to be turned on? And when a man is turned on, isn't it more than a little obvious? I can just imagine the questions from a toddler - let alone the sniggering of older children!

Tyzer85 · 31/12/2014 12:25

I like porn but I'd never do that in a million years, it's very inappropriate.

Questor · 31/12/2014 16:35

My dh was doing it

OP posts:

Questor · 31/12/2014 20:30

Is it OK to read a novel with sex scenes in it when looking after a child? I assume that is OK?

OP posts:

getthefeckouttahere · 31/12/2014 20:37

Nope, i'm very open to porn, but i don't feel thats appropriate.

The novel comparison is a red herring. Its different to reading because books tend to contain other material and topics where the sex scene is only a small part. To take that parallel further looking at porn would be akin to reading a hardcore porn mag in front of your children. If you think that is acceptable i think you may find yourself out of step with mainstream opinion and almost certainly with the view of most social services depts.

handfulofcottonbuds · 31/12/2014 20:38

OP - can you ask what's on your mind rather than drip feed? You'll get better advice that way.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 31/12/2014 20:44

I'm not anti porn but why would anyone want to be aroused when in the same room as a child. Weird.

Only1scoop · 31/12/2014 20:47

I'm not outraged by porn ....but if Dp felt the need to look at it in the same room as dd I'd be pretty outraged.

Viviennemary · 31/12/2014 20:48

I am anti porn. So wouldn't approve of this at all.

Vivacia · 31/12/2014 20:48

You're going to get answers skewed by the large anti porn brigade

What? And those who are pro-porn are going to say, "Yeah, fill your boots"?

Books, videos... I think seeking sexual titillation with children in the room is inappropriate.

Joysmum · 31/12/2014 20:51

What? And those who are pro-porn are going to say, "Yeah, fill your boots"?

If you're going to quote, at least quote in context

Vivacia · 31/12/2014 20:52

I don't feel it's out of context Joy, what context do you feel needs including?

Questor · 01/01/2015 06:51

My dh is really into porn, to the level of unhealthy obsession imho, we have had pretty much no sex life for several months now. I know he looks at it all the time on his phone (because I snoop).

He was sitting on the (closed) loo supervising bath time the other evening, I went upstairs and he did a strange manouver with his had to shield his phone screen and close the cover. So I knew he a looking at porn. He was fully dressed, not wanking or anything and DC was in own world playing with bath toys.

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 01/01/2015 07:03

That makes it even worse. It is unacceptable under any circumstances to watch porn around children, but to watch while around naked children? How does he think that would look if he had to explain that to SS?

Plus, children still young enough to need their bath time supervised need full attention.

Why would anyone want to be aroused around children? It makes my skin crawl.

What are you going to do?

differentnameforthis · 01/01/2015 07:08

If my dh was consumed in porn while bathing our children, I'd be ropable. Bath time is one time that kids should have your undivided attention.

It's not acceptable getting your jollies while kids need taking care of (unless tucked up in bed)

HelloItsStillMeFell · 01/01/2015 07:09

What a revolting and thoroughly inappropriate thing to do.

TheyThinkImCool · 01/01/2015 07:18

Questor Why are you still with this man? Watching inappropriate videos on his phone whilst in the company of your child is just bizarre.

I couldn't be with a man who indulged in porn let alone watched it in front of the children whether it was shielded or not.

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halfwildlingwoman · 01/01/2015 07:39

Unacceptable. And it's not the same as reading a book.

BingBongMerrilyOnHigh · 01/01/2015 07:45

Yuck. Best case scenario, he's not giving the child his undivided attention. And as a PP says, why would anyone want to deliberately turn themselves on, with children in the room. Worrying blurring of boundaries there, IMHO.

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 01/01/2015 07:52

He sounds fucking vile. Shouldn't he be interacting with his children at bath time, not looking at arseholes and god knows what else?

My P loves porn but would never do this, ever.

I couldn't be with someone who does that.

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