I have now knowingly and unwittingly (I realise the contradiction) become the OW.
Please bare with me. At 16/17/18 I was played spectacularly by one guy. Have recovered and maintained a good friendship with this guy despite his actions.
Long story short (sorry its still long but I'm trying to condense 10 years). I met a guy aged 16 he was 28. We had a thing and then I found out he had a girlfriend. I broke things off, they split up we started things up, they got back together we broke things off and so the cycle continued except things never were broken off between them it was all a lie. I often found out things were fine between them when she turned up (and by turned up I mean it was clearly an arranged visit). I finally ended things but we remained friends. I put my willingness to be friends down to being young as to be honest if someone treated me that way now they would be told to fuck of to the far side of fuck and be done with it.
Anyway, he moved away to where his girlfriend (now wife) lives and I got on with my life but due to the fact I am very close friends with his sister I have always maintained contact with his family. I have also remained "best friends" with him. Regular email/facebook/viber contact, Recently he had an unexpected visit home due to a family bereavement and he basically told me (I'm going to bullet point this to keep it short)
- His wife had cheated on him
- He told his wife he had cheated on her with me (He told her this years ago apparently)
- She had asked him if she hadn't fallen pregnant would he be back here with me and his response had been yes.
- She had read through our PM FB conversations and that she thinks there is some kind affair continuing on his visits back (there isn't)
- She hates me (I already knew this although struggled to determine why until I realised what he had told her about the cheating even though I had at the time thought it was when they had split up)
I had for the last 8 years thought we were just very close friends. He has confined, as have I about many aspects of our personal relationships. That has now been misconstrued and taken correctly as an EA.
I am clearly a horrible person because I am equally torn between tearing him a new one but waning to be friends (he has, in my head been my best friend for 8 years) and tearing him a new one and walking away. Obviously the latter is what I should do, his wife must be devastated she absolutely (understandably) hates me and he a wanker of the highest order but I still feel heart broken losing my version (which he isn't) of my best friend.
I can't make this right for her. I wish I could but the only thing I can think to make it better is to walk away.
I know it's garbled and there may be many questions. I will answer any of them but am really looking for some advice and any support.
Apologies in advance for typos. Have had a few and on phone.