If one partner shoves another? That person is devastated, remorseful, acknowledges that it was abusive and wrong, hates themselves for doing it, and the behaviour is totally out of character and they swear it will never happen again.
Is this possible? Can the relationship be worked on? There are ups and downs. This is the second worst down.
yes i believe you can move on from it. it very much depends on the circumstances.
two people at the end of their tether, extreme pressure .... snap. it happens. its happened to me. neither myself or my dp are abusers. its in no way acceptable but it isn't ALWAYS abuse. no punches thrown just jostling in our case.
I think to make these posts more meaningful, and helpful, which we all want to do OP, you may need to elaborate more. As best you can or want to of course. I sensed a lot of feeling in your opening post.
Context was couple arguing. Person A had been very nasty, woke Person B up by shouting at them. Person B was crying and explaining the upset, Person A turned away and laughed. Person B 'snapped' and shoved Person A, ostensibly to force them to pay attention.
Person B has been struggling a lot lately with other problems, self harm, feelings of worthlessness, and it is possible it's all come to a head.
A child dying. Uff....that is hard. Not sure where that fits in with the dv unless there is some blame attached to one party for the death. In which case, the blame becomes irrelevant, wont achieve anything, unless you want it to.
But you/both may benefit from some counselling. What is important is recognition of wrongs, to wrong is human, growing individually, moving on, then growing together. Then anything is possible. Everything.
We are at the end of our tether for different reasons now. Person B is a tad depressive, struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts, and person A is really struggling with that and backing away a bit. There is a lot of anger.
I think outside impartial professional help is needed here. Both people seem absolutely lost and unable to cope. Backing off will make the other desperate, the desperation will push the other further away. You need to seek professional help. Psych assessment, counselling and also relationship counselling.
difficult question joy I guess many people would say an act can be abusive, without knowing the motivation or intention of the person carrying out that act. The difference btw murder and manslaughter??? might indicate that it might be more helpful to understand motivation and intention. Although try getting an abusive person to explain themselves!