Sorry but I need to get this off my chest as I have not slept properly the last few nights due to rage and stress. I have n/c for this as it might 'out' me in real life.
Right - so there is a long history of MIL ignoring my and DH's feelings and generally making us feel crap.She is very much adoring of DH's sister and sees DH as a disappointment (basically they have more money and go along with her schemes more than we do). She lives quite far away from us with her husband and it wasn't a massive problem before as we would only see her 2/3 times a year. She would only stay with DH's sister who lives close by and has nice guest facilities so it was a case of suck it up and wave goodbye.
The problems started when I had our first son. She started coming up 4 times a year and wants clearly to be a matriarch. She was inappropriate on many occasions including refusing to give me back my new baby even though he was crying and going on and on about things we chose to do which she didn't approve of. When my son was born she didn't take pics of me with him but loads of DH's sister with him. I realised that what MIL really wanted was his sister to have a child but she always maintained that she did not want children.
I went on to have a second DS but when I had him, DH's sister announced her own pregnancy. We were happy for her and her son is a nice child. Unfortunately, MIL has become obsessed with this child.
She now comes up every 6 weeks and it is all about her other grandchild. My children now only exist as a way of comparison to the golden child so that she can reassure herself of his superiority. My younger son is very advanced academically but it is dismissed as him being 10 months older. She doesn't know anything about him as she never makes the effort to even talk to him.All she wants to do is compare him to her favourite grandchild.
We had encouraged her to take out our eldest child for days out etc which he loved but as soon as our nephew was born, this all stopped. We are regularly told in front of the kids about her lovely times out with her 'golden grandchild' but ours are never invited anywhere. Our kids are Home edded but they are told how much GC loves school because he is a 'good boy' and so suits school. The fact that our DC are very academically advanced for their age and very loving and friendly is not mentioned.
Both my sons have had serious medical conditions ( DS2 has outgrown his but it was scary at the time) - she has never asked about him in any way. She has never had DS2 on her knee etc but tells about lovely cuddles etc with the GC (golden child) in front of our kids. She became obsessed with measuring my son, including his shoe size etc to show that his 10 months younger cousin is taller than him (she is delighted). In the end I had to tell her that we had been to see a paed as DS2 is very small and always will be.We do not want to comment on height as DH is v tall as is DS1 so we are conscious of the fact that DS2 will have to come to terms with being significantly shorter than the other men in his family.
She tried to get my son to stand next to his cousin at Xmas at SIL's in front of everyone, then cried out in a triumphant voice that GC was taller. I pulled her on it then she wouldn't speak to me and 'accidentally' elbowed me on the way past. I was incandescent with rage that she could be so vile to my lovely son. Even when he was trying to speak to her at Xmas she wasn't really interested. She also did tiny things and made small comments which were small in themselves but always were a way of pointing out that the GC was superior to my son.
She has done many nasty bullying things to us in the past but I feel that publicly measuring my son like that was just the last straw. I have told DH to sort it out and, like many husbands on these threads, he wants to put his head down and let it flow over him. He has a v low self esteem himself, due, I suspect, to his childhood but I have told him that no parent worth their salt would allow their child to be compared like that and he needs to stand up to her.
My initial thought is to just have nothing more to do with her. I have absolutely had enough. I don't want DH to meet up with her with the kids without me as I don't trust him to stand up for them. The other point I feel is relevant is that I come from an abusive background myself. I have had psychotherapy and gone n/c with my own family. I am not sure if i am over-reacting about the situation with DH's mother as I may be hyper-vigilant about protecting my children from feelings of inferiority and shame.
She will be back up in 6 weeks. I have no desire to go near her or let her near my children. I know that DH will want a compromise. Any thoughts? If anyone has actually read all this, thank you in advance.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Another MIL one (long)
Mistlewoeandwhine · 30/12/2014 11:34
My mil was kind if the same but not as bad as yours.
Her golden child got trips to the cinema, theatre, holidays etc.. She even got a pony!
That golden child turned into a nasty little mare who is now an adult and I refuse to have her in my house (drug abuse)
Mil new golden child is spoken about like she's royalty. She has her own pony from mil too. If mil comes to see my dcs the GC has to come too. My dcs never see mil on her own unless she's after money 
It's wrong on many levels and my middle dc used to get really upset when mil and GC spike of all the wonderful things they had done together.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.