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Feeling hurt. Would you tell a friend you are hurt they replaced you?

(14 Posts)
hazelboot Tue 30-Dec-14 10:33:25

I've been good friends with a for a number of years. We did everything together. I introduced her to b this year and now it is abundantly clear I have been replaced, excluded and all a talks about is b. I've never really been close to b. She is quite self absorbed. I've felt it for a while but now I see it for certain and I feel really hurt. I have lots of other friends. It just doesn't feel nice. Should I tell a or should I just withdraw - which I have already done but more completely? Anyone have experience of this.

Shakey1500 Tue 30-Dec-14 10:35:58

I would preserve dignity and leave be. Horrible thing to happen though.

CogitOIOIO Tue 30-Dec-14 10:36:58

'Three's a crowd'? I think you're entitled to say something about how it's a pity you're not as close since they met someone new, but you can't really demand anything.

JT05 Tue 30-Dec-14 10:40:30

Yep, some people do this all the time. Even after a long friendship they can drop you like a brick! It seems to equate with the more you have helped them get over difficult times.
I wonder if they are concerned that you know too much about them and they want to reinvent themselves. It is their loss. When they want you back and they will, be wary. They probably will drop you again.
Put it down to experience there are plenty of genuine people out there to be good friends with. It's not you, although it does feel like it.

Thegoosenotthegander Tue 30-Dec-14 10:46:51

What are you hoping to gain from telling your friend this? How are you imagining her response to be? It is very likely that it won't go the way you imagine. She is may feel angry with you, she may feel smug that she is so much in demand. It certainly won't make her like you more or want to hang out with you more.
The situation you are in is immensely painful. Most of us have been in it, because friendships do change through life. It hurts and you will be railing against the unfairness. This happens in life. Your friend isn't the person you thought she was. You can grieve for the friend you had, but I don't think you can really recapture that because she has changed.
Concentrate on your other friends.
Take care of yourself OP.

ocelot7 Tue 30-Dec-14 10:56:53

I agree with Goose unfortunately nothing to be gained by saying anything & best to withdraw yourself & considerably lower yr expectations of this friendship...it has happened to me & it was incredibly painful (more so because we were overseas with fewer opps to meet likeminded women) best is to not be reliant on any one friend - much as I told my son 're primary school friendships! smile

GaryShitpeas Tue 30-Dec-14 11:02:00

Exact same thing happened to me

Introduced two friends and they hit it off and now don't or rarely include me

Best thing to do is just back off and concentrate on other friends As you'll just look needy if you cling on. keep your dignity. In my case the more I've backed away the more they've gravitated back towards me, but I'm not interested tbh

Life's too short for playground games

VitalStollenFix Tue 30-Dec-14 11:03:30

god no. If someone unpleasant craps all over me the very last thing I will do is give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to me.

hazelboot Tue 30-Dec-14 22:51:55

Thanks for the advice. I've decided not to say anything. I'm just going to shut off from it all, concentrate of friends who are real and who value my friendship. I guess a. wasn't the good friend I thought she was. Funny how things can change so quickly.

Hedgehogparty Tue 30-Dec-14 23:48:27

I had this too. Had a friend who I introduced several other people to only to then find myself excluded.

Moved on and cut ties completely with that friend.
Looking back, realised she had very few friends herself, think she wanted to take over mine. Oddly she contacted me recently after years of nothing wanting to meet up.

Move on, its hard but there are nicer people out there.

MzTickle007 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:17:54

i agree with previous posters there is no point in saying anything, just leave people.

winkywinkola Wed 31-Dec-14 06:07:26

Oh it's hard when you're dumped by a friend. Very painful.

Ime, this friend of yours will dump friend b and move on to someone else. It might take a year or two but it will happen.

I was dumped by a friend two years ago. I was so hurt. Then I realised she was interested in seeking out wealthy people to be her chums. She was actually a bit of a bitch too - really disliking people for no real reason.

It took about a year until I felt indifferent towards her.

Friendships are really important so when you're discarded it hurts a lot!

Millionsmom Wed 31-Dec-14 06:21:20

Know how you feel, it happened to me too. I actually asked her how come we no longer spent time together, she just shrugged and looked uncomfortable.
It does hurt, we'd been through so much together over the space of 10 years - kids, divorce etc.
Our friendship obviously meant more to me than her.
It's her loss.

I wish I'd stayed quiet and not asked her about it, I think it was the final blow to our friendship.

hazelboot Wed 31-Dec-14 07:40:44

Seems to happen quite often from posts here. I'm quite a loyal person so I would never do this. I wonder how a would feel if the shoe was on the other foot? The funny thing is b. Has no loyalty, is very self - serving. At the minute, through circumstance, she needs a. But when her life turns around she'll only go back to her old ways. She has no long standing friends, I think because people know what she's like. She can be lovely and sweet but she thinks the world revolves around her. I am very definitely putting my energies elsewhere.

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