DH and DSD rent

[GirlsonFilm]

My Dsd has split up with her partner and issstruggling to pay her rent so dh has offered to pay it for her. ..so far so good.

But he didn't discuss it with me and he'd a stay at home dad so on reality I willbe paying. Which is made all the harder in that our household income has reduced by a quarter in the past year.

Am I being unreasonable on two counts a) he should have discussed it with me and b) how are we supposed to afford it?

[Mitzi50]

YANBU - I can see why he offered but he should have discussed it with you first. Would a compromise be helping her out for a couple of months while she sorts the situation out?

[Deserttrek]

I think he should have discussed it. It is likely to be a big chunky outlay, not £40 to get some groceries. Did he know it was likely to be a squeeze? Do you discuss the finances together?

[CrackPie]

YANBU that he should have discussed it with you first. However you say "He's a stay at home dad so in reality I will be paying."

The money is his as much as it is yours. You will both be paying.

[HoggleHoggle]

Agree with crackpie

[Bogeyface]

Your comment about it being you who pays isnt on, you are a partnership so its family money.

However, as it is family money, you have as much right to agree where it is going as he does. Is he talking about paying all of it or just the shortfall? I think paying all of it would be a mistake as she will have no incentive to sort herself out if she knows that the rent will always be paid. I would offer what you could reasonably afford towards the rent, and for a fixed period of say 6 months. Thats a decent amount of time for her to sort out housing benefit, child maintenance etc or look into moving house if needs be. I wouldnt be happy for it to be open ended or there will always be a reason why it needs to be "just one more month".

Have you sat down with him and shown him the figures? Or asked him what he intends to cut back on out of his own spending to cover it (that is, HIS spends, not grocery or house money)?

[Inertia]

If he's a SAHD then it's family money- you wouldn't be able to earn if he wasn't doing the childcare, or if you both worked then you'd have to pay ofr childcare. The person earning is a red herring here. However, no partner should be unilaterally making decisions about large-scale expenditure.

Could you offer to loan DSD the rent shortfall? Could she move into a house share? Could she get a lodger in? If your family will struggle as a result of paying DSD'd rent then you need to work together to find another solution.

[getthefeckouttahere]

Depends,

if you are well of and the rent is not really affecting your basic standard of living then YABU.

If paying it has impacted in the way that it would most household budgets then YANBU.

Either way discuss it with him explain that you would have liked to have been consulted.