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Need advice

(13 Posts)
Needadvice2 Tue 30-Dec-14 08:57:20

Good Morning

I am looking for some advice from you lovely ladies ( i have name changed)

I was in an abusive relationship for 20 years', I left 2 years' ago,and all being well shall be divorced by soon.

About 2 months' ago, I joined a friendship website in order to make friends , not looking for any sort of relationship etc. I made this pretty clear.

About a few days' ago, Ireceived an email from a man on the site. Seemed very nice etc., and since a few days' he has made it known that he is looking for a relationship - and with me! I have been very clear that i am not interested, and he does seem like a genuine nice guy. He keeps saying he is very nice etc, and i am not sure what to do. I have told him repeatedly that I am not interested, friends yes, anything more - no.

I am looking for some advice,it would be greatfully appreciated. Thank you

He's being too pushy, you've told him you're not interested, you don't want to get into another relationship - and he's still pushing. So sack him off and tell him not to contact you again.

Vivacia Tue 30-Dec-14 09:02:35

Read The Gift Of Fear. You're being bamboozled by Nice and Be Polite.

Can you block him?

www.caring-unlimited.org/what-is-domestic-violence/for-victims-and-survivors/is-my-relationship-abusive
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200812/are-you-dating-abuser

Read these and learn the red flags - pushing you beyond your comfort zone = definite red flag.

Needadvice2 Tue 30-Dec-14 09:05:40

Thank you so much for your response. What it is I am a very nice person, and I feel so bad for letting him down et.c But I will definetly be reading the links . Thank you again

whatsagoodusername Tue 30-Dec-14 09:20:10

You owe him absolutely nothing. Don't feel bad. He's being pushy, you said no, that should have been the end of it. It's his fault it hasn't been.

CalleighDoodle Tue 30-Dec-14 09:25:20

Block him.

Needadvice2 Tue 30-Dec-14 09:26:51

Thank you so much ladies. Your advice is so much appreciated. The main reason why I left my marriage, was all the brilliant advice that Ihad been reading through the years - and with that ,I got strong bit by bit. Then I got to strong that I left for good - as I realised that it was never my fault!

So, thank you,.

Vivacia Tue 30-Dec-14 09:45:27

The Gift Of Fear is all about how we intuition and that we should listen to it, but it gets clouded by drivers such as "be nice". It sounds to me as though your gut feeling is there, but you've not yet given yourself permission to listen to it.

FolkGirl Tue 30-Dec-14 09:50:08

Block him.

The very fact he is not listening to what you are saying is a warning.

Remember what we say to children about stranger danger. Nice/good people won't mind if you say, "no". If they do mind, they're not a nice person. The same applies to us as adults.

FrogIsATwatInASantaHat Tue 30-Dec-14 11:20:56

I would also retract the friendship offer.

AliceinWinterWonderland Tue 30-Dec-14 13:33:28

Yes, if he's not accepting of the boundaries you are trying to put up now, he never will. Block him and don't look back. He's not nice at all.

CogitOIOIO Tue 30-Dec-14 14:29:05

I agree with others that you don't owe this man anything just because he's claiming to be nice. If you'll forgive another observation however, you need to be much firmer about saying no and much less anxious about causing offence. Communicate in a way that is more likely to be taken seriously. Get aggressive if you have to

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