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stbxh lack of support with 14 yr old son doing weed.

(7 Posts)
notmrscookie Tue 30-Dec-14 08:22:21

Found weed in son bedroom in September . He said one off . However on Xmas day son popped out to see mate and came back stinking of weed. He claimed friends mum was smoking it . Told ex in pub when I got hold of him and he wasn't bothered. His mum then had boys for one hour and later advised she could add smell it but stbxh denied it and left for gf house. On sons return found him with 2 bags. Stbxh refused to answer phone so went round gf house. He said I call police so I said fine go ahead and said about weed. He came home and half heartly talked with son and we dumped weed in toilet. Next day friend over and more smells lead to searches and more bags found. Again can't get hold of him he is in pub and its gf weekend without kids so fuck off . Have looked on son fb and found this is what he is using to get hold of weed. Have dates and dealers names etc. . have called community police. Stbxh just thinks I am trying to spilt up him and gf . He has practically moved in with her and has only had son one night and see him once every two weeks or so for an hour. . so shocked and disappointed at stbxh reaction .. Help xx

dirtybadger Tue 30-Dec-14 08:30:49

angryI think you might have to give up expecting him to help, to be honest. Doesn't sound like he's much use. Possibly wouldn't be much use even without a girlfriend. Nothing you can do to make him care, unfortunately (very little you can do to compel people to care about anything they aren't too bothered about).

dirtybadger Tue 30-Dec-14 08:31:18

Whoops sorry no idea why there's an angry face!

MinceSpy Tue 30-Dec-14 08:35:21

Dirtybadger is right, you can't make his father step up and parent. If anything your son's behaviour is a reflection of this. Have a look at the Frank web site and speak to the community police officer.

Finola1step Tue 30-Dec-14 08:37:13

You are absolutely right to seek support from him, but he is either incapable or unwilling to step up. You are right to contact the community support policing team as I would be very concerned about where your ds is getting the money from. And what else he may be getting involved in.

I hope this is the wake up call your ds needs.

Fadingmemory Tue 30-Dec-14 08:41:46

Keep your ex informed by email - then you have a record of your efforts to involve him. I think you have to stop expecting him to help, though. The emails would be to provide evidence to the police or anyone else (including ex himself and your son) in case there are any questions in the future as to whether or not you consulted ex. To avoid confrontation I would advise against trying to speak to ex directly - also there would be no record.

Your son may ask to go and stay with his father in which case you inform the police/other authorities that his father appears not to be concerned that the boy is smoking weed. Just make certain that you represent yourself for what you clearly are - a very concerned mother who just wants to stop her son being involved in damaging behaviour. Make sure there can be no deduction that you are a woman who wants to get back at her ex because he has a girlfriend.

notmrscookie Wed 31-Dec-14 02:40:08

Thanks a lot . Think you are right about written contact . He tried to come round to fix broken chair ... No mention of police visit or seeing sons Facebook .. He only has son for a few hours a couple of times a month. He has always had a problem with conflict and being an adult in relationship and telling son off or making him see him if a pint is calling .. Will updatexx

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