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Friendship to more?

(9 Posts)
DaveTheOctopus Mon 29-Dec-14 17:38:17

I don't know really where to start with this as it will all seem a bit jumbled.

I've been friends with a guy for 7 years now and we usually had partners at different times. About 3 years ago we were both single and started as fuck buddies. I soon developed feelings and cooled things off as he said he wasn't ready for anything serious as he'd not long split up from his partner.

Fast forward 3 years and were still friends but when I was talking about myself starting online dating he went quiet. It seems that he's a tad jealous so then asked me out. I was so shocked by this I said no and he's rightly not talking to me now.

I don't want to lose him as a friend and I guess I just don't want him to hurt me again. We are total opposites but are extremely comfortable in each other's company. I wouldn't say there's as much excitement as with previous partners. When were together it's as if were totally comfortable and we do fancy each other and the sex is good etc. I just don't know what to do.

He won't speak to me now anyway and I didn't want to lose him from my life as he's such a great friend.

I just don't know if I should risk it. That's even if he ever excepts that I'm sorry and I was just shocked.

Has anyone gone into a relationship with a friend that's their total opposite and it been successful? The physical passion is definitely there but yet I don't want to risk ruining the friendship.


holdyourown Mon 29-Dec-14 18:35:04

To be brutally honest this sounds to me like he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you. Sorry. He's had 3 years to ask you out confused
Imo it was immature of him to stop talking to you when you said no to him asking you out - you wanted more than friends previously and didn't stop talking to him then.
I'd crack on with the online dating

SoleSource Mon 29-Dec-14 18:41:40

He doesn't want anybody else to have you. I would have said no in reply to his question too.

He is playing with you.

Go dating, stop sleeping with him and you call the shots.

His game playing is immature at best.

Do not make the first move to reconcile. He wants power over you.

Twinklestein Mon 29-Dec-14 18:56:38

I would take things at face value for the moment rather than reading in all kinds of stuff that may or may not be true.

He asked you out, you said no, so he's offended.

Why not explain to him that actually you do like him, but you got hurt by the FWB scenario and don't want to get hurt again. Either he wants to give it a go now or he doesn't. Whichever way, you'll know where you stand.

I had two ltr with guys who were friends originally and they were really good relationship. You don't say what you mean by 'opposites' in this context, so I can't really comment on that.

DaveTheOctopus Mon 29-Dec-14 19:36:21

Thanks for the replies. After I'd said no I asked why he's suddenly changed from us just bring friends to wanting to date me. He said he found it hard to hear about me talking/ dating other guys. Which is fair enough as I found it hard once we'd stopped being FWB and he went back to his ex.

Just when were together it feels right but I guess I could find someone more like myself.

In terms of being opposites I enjoy staying in whereas he likes going out and he can't understand why I like just staying in. We have totally different interests.

I did text him to say I was sorry for being harsh with him, but I haven't had a response. I won't text him again as much as I want to.

Guess I just hoped he'd changed his mind once he realised I wasn't going to be single forever, I just didn't like the timing.

He's only been single for 6 months and we were FWB 3 years ago and nothing since. When we meet up there's a definite spark.

holdyourown Mon 29-Dec-14 19:57:25

He sounds like a PITA, especially not replying to your text apologising, which you didn't need to. It must've been hard when he went back to his ex after being fwb.
Just ignore him for now and he can get back in touch with you - you can see how you feel then but in the meantime go online. Hope you find someone lovely who adores you and you are more compatible with too - lots of people like staying in and will share some of your interests.

SoleSource Mon 29-Dec-14 20:00:12

He doesn't deserve it. He hurt you already.

Twinklestein Mon 29-Dec-14 20:06:33

You are really quite opposite aren't you...

It sounds as if there's a genuine spark there, but irrespective of current shenanigans, which could go either way the sound of it, would a ltr work between the two of you anyway?

The going out/staying in thing is fairly fundamental, as is having totally different interests.

DaveTheOctopus Mon 29-Dec-14 20:26:38

Thanks all. Will just have to see what happens I guess.

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