I already know the answer to this one but need telling quite clearly what a fool I'm being.
I'll try and keep it brief. Two years ago I met and fell in love with this guy that lives abroad. He didn't want to do long distance, I did because I felt we could make it work and be together, he didn't. Heartbreak. Long slow recovery. Sporadic contact, no ill will.
He very quickly met someone else -- his "one". He sold up and moved across the country to start a totally new life with her. Turns out she's fairly flaky and has a lot of problems (don't we all). Few months ago he upped sporadic contact to frequent. I assumed with her knowledge. Nothing sexy or dodgy. But then he starts leaning on me for relationship/life advice. His money has run out and he's living off her (to be fair they lived off his money till it ran out). Relationship would be recognised by any mumsnetter as toxic. He wants to be with her, wants kids with her, feels it's it's his last chance. It is destroying him. He is a sobbing, lost mess. Turns out she doesn't know he chats to me. Marvellous. I am a secret, free therapist (mainly thanks to wisdom gleaned from mumsnet).
I feel compassion, I feel kindness and lo and behold, surprise surprise, eventually I start liking him all over again. It makes it hard to disassociate myself and withdraw which is what I need to do. I'm going through early weeks of ADs and have had a tough time myself...he is draining me dry emotionally.
Latest crisis....she goes to family for Xmas leaving him totally alone, no friends or family near. He is a wreck. I am trying to guide him towards the light....go to your dad's, have a break, be apart, get your equilibrium back. She gets back...yep, the whole merry go round starts again. Communication is cut because she is back and I am feeling mighty pissed off, used, bled dry. I have my own fucking problems to deal with too.
Anyway, really needed to get that off my chest. Please walk me away from this. It is a train wreck that is nothing to do with me. I can't give any more without breaking my heart again.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Tell me more clearly what I already know...I'm a sap
Dreadedsunnyday · 29/12/2014 10:24
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.