Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

lack of libido

(8 Posts)
snozcumber79 Mon 29-Dec-14 09:30:55

I've been married for 2 1/2 years nearly and have a 2yr old. About a year after me and my oh got together i lost my libido,that was about 7yrs ago,and it has never really returned. At the time I was living at home with an alcoholic father and thought it was maybe just stress affecting me. But now we are living in our own home and apart from financial issues there is no major stresses. I think what concerns me is that my husband may end up straying as he has put up with this for so long now and I also can't understand how my body has changed from one extreme (I was always very horny��) to the other with no real explanation. Does anybody else on here have a similar problem or can recommend any solutions please? Thanks��

inneedofsomeclarity Mon 29-Dec-14 09:49:46

There are lots of reasons for a lack of libido such as certain medical conditions and medications and I was tested and investigated for several. I felt so awful about having absolutely no desire at all, it literally felt like that part of me had been removed and I felt completely abnormal. However, my ex and I separated in August and over the last few months I have come to realise that my lack of any feelings were actually down to the fact that I no longer loved, fancied or even really liked him any more and therefore I could no longer bring myself to go near him than I could a stranger. Since then, I have got back to my old self in lots of ways (but now only have myself to pleaseblush) I'm not, in any way, suggesting that this is the case in your situation, more just clarifying things in my own mind really.

CogitOIOIO Mon 29-Dec-14 10:11:35

Libido - arousal, sexual desire etc - is a complex thing. It's important to be able to feel relaxed and uninhibited, for example. It's important to feel attractive and cherished both in your own skin and by your partner. There's a chemical element and certain medications such as anti-depressants or contraceptive pills can occasionally dampen arousal too much. But a lot of it is about being in the right frame of mind, in the right environment and..... crucially.... with the right person.

You say there are no major stresses which is good. But what is your life like? Are you relaxed and happy? Sex aside is your relationship physically affectionate, equal and supportive? Do you spend a lot of time together with your DH? Is he the love of your life or was he an emergency exit from life with alcoholic Dad and things have run on too long.... ?

Joysmum Mon 29-Dec-14 10:13:16

Have you been to the doctor? Have you discussed this with your DH?

HouseWhereNobodyLives Mon 29-Dec-14 10:13:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snozcumber79 Mon 29-Dec-14 14:42:41

When it first happened 6/7 years ago I was on pill so came off incase it was that. Spoke to nurse then and she suggested stress of living at home. We have been through an awful lot in short space of time..i.e. Moving into new home which needed complete renovation,my dad and nan died,then we got married (I was 5m pregnant) had our little boy and now we have debt problems. Also I suffered a very traumatic birth,had c-section then complications after and bad pnd and anxiety. I have put on 2 stone being on antidepressants which I've recently come off but don't feel happy about my body at all,it disgusts me. This definitely makes me feel less confident in the bedroom..but she I first lost libido I was fairly slim and happy with my figure so I cant believe weight is only the problem.. I try to make effort to keep him happy but my hearts just not in it yet I do love him...although at times he infuriates me! But that's normal in a marriage from what I hear lol.

CogitOIOIO Mon 29-Dec-14 15:11:48

Depends what it is. 'Infuriating' behaviour can be trivial or serious. It's also true that when you don't really like someone everything they do becomes irritating. Sex aside, are you physically affectionate? Do you hold hands, cuddle on the sofa, that kind of thing?

snozcumber79 Mon 29-Dec-14 15:20:05

Yes we are quite affectionate,kiss daily and often cuddle and hold hands when out. He infuriates me with the general mess he leaves around the house and expects me to pick up after him. He has high bp and loses his rag with me sometimes too which can upset me for a while but otherwise we get on fine. Thanks for all the helpful responses btw smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now