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A few good men. Where?

(12 Posts)
aliveandstillbloodykicking Mon 29-Dec-14 01:43:55

OK, hi everyone, I have been a mumsnet lurker for some time now. I finally decided I had to comment/post as this place has been an unending source of comfort and at times trauma with so many people going through similar things as I. Its a long long story so I will edit it a bit. Had an abusive stepfather, sorted that. (in the sense I outed him but was not believed hence no family now) Had a successful marriage (for a while) ended that (I was stupid and young) In my late thirties decided to have a career change but lo and behold given I seem to have "arseholes welcome" on my forehead, no doubt from my background of abusive childhood, I met Mr love bomb, narcissistic, misogynist. (apologies for bad grammar and spelling, Im currently pished as a fart). So had a lovely DD who is brilliant. Then came the abuse, the split (or abandonment), the bad mother insults, the custody fight (that didn't happen) so I ran away to London to save myself and my DD. To what, yes another twat! this time I thought OK he is harmless, spineless, but harmless. no. last week after five years he decided to punch me and strangle me in front of my DD. so he has been kicked to the side. (I did not fight back because I knew it would not end well). So now I am now a lone parent, no money, no family (I threatened to shoot them on fb which doesn't bode well for sympathy) yes I do have problems lol. So here I am feeling rather sorry for myself but reading all the things on here it has made me realise that there seems to be a lot of arseholes about. a lot. Where have all he good men gone? I was a fool most of my life, I am a good person. I don't take shit and have never hesitated to get rid of the rubbish in my life, no matter the cost, and believe me the cost is high now. I am stuck in London on my own, skint, and alone. but. I must add. I got rid of the rot before it got any further. I regret ending my marriage in the twenties because he was a good man I was just too messed up to see. So when I see these young things on here saying, but I cant leave him, its me!, etc. it makes my heart hurt. What has happened? is there a war on women? why are we putting up with this? why are men like this? is it a generational thing? are we as mothers to blame? I have found this place to be a source of comfort in my darkest days as I lurk and listen to everyone. but come on? what is going on? I have decided to fuck men off and go it alone as alone parent, my ideals of a good family, husband and children are gone, just like my pert tits! so hi everyone and I hope I don't come across as an idiot, just a drunken good hearted scots girl who has fucked up so much, I am full of wisdom now ( I wish). Are there any good men out there, or are we in dangerous times with a war against women?

aliveandstillbloodykicking Mon 29-Dec-14 02:38:48

Hi sorry, just needed to vent, not actually looking for answers as it is an age old story, abusive men. just really saying hi to everyone and letting u know my backstory as I take the deep end of mumsnet x

emm0371 Mon 29-Dec-14 02:41:09

Hi and welcome. Found your post kind of funny. Like reading my own story really, so yeah welcome lol. I too am going it alone after having met a few plonkheads, I am entering 2015 without a man and hey I am loving the idea. I am going to look after me and my children now, all over 16, but they do need me whole and sane lol. I would love to have whatever you are drinking lol.

aliveandstillbloodykicking Mon 29-Dec-14 02:54:23

Hi Emm, thank you for the welcome! I know, I don't now how many times I have read posts over the years and thought, that's me!, bit nervous about posting so a few glasses of vino and (not enough soda water) later, here I am. Can't wait to get stuck in and hopefully bring a bit of me to mumsnet! Me too! I need to sign on soon and get my life sorted but at least I finally seen sense, us girls don't need it, this place has shown me that! scared witless, (not a this precise moment though lol) but loving finally being free!

mrscumberbatch Mon 29-Dec-14 03:02:04

I think that to find a good man you have to be a good woman.
And that involves being kind to yourself and being able to let go of what has gone before...

When you feel you are 'damaged' you attract a similar type of guy. Ones with issues... And it's a vicious circle.

Good for you for braving it out on your own. I'm sure you'd agree that you're doing a better job on your own. smile

aliveandstillbloodykicking Mon 29-Dec-14 03:18:00

I agree Mrs, I took me a while to realise that these scumbags saw something in me. How worthless, damaged I felt. I now see that my standards need to raise so much higher and I hopefully wont come across as vulnerable and desperate for love anymore, I am going to spent a lot more time on nurturing my own self love and respect and provide a good example for my DD and yes I am doing a much better job on my own, I used to have the mindset that I was damaged goods, so sad, now, well I just think, goods! Im not goods, Im a wonderful human being, not goods!fgrin

Rioux Mon 29-Dec-14 08:46:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrMorbius Mon 29-Dec-14 10:02:08

Sorry to say this (but I guess you know it anyway), most men are great (as are most women). Sadly for some reason you only attract duds. Sort out your "problems" and not only will you change, but the men attracted to you will change(for the better grin

aliveandstillbloodykicking Mon 29-Dec-14 12:43:05

Rioux, I totally agree there are good men out there, bit too much wine and reading too many sad posts suddenly I am feeling sorry for myself! I get the feeling its going to change from now though!

Dr you are so right, and I do know this. I actually have had some really good relationships, I think my thirties have just be blighted a bit by my PND etc and now I am in my forties I intend to do exactly that. Got caught on the rebound with my DD's waster father, lost my dad at the same time, became ill and let my standards drop in the process I think.

I should have really kept away from the wine and just said hello! lol. I feel terribly silly now writing that post, although is has made me see exactly what I have done!! all my own bloody fault! onward and upwards!!!

HollyJollyXmas Mon 29-Dec-14 12:51:58

I think you need to give all men a big swerve for the forseeable future and concentrate on getting your life in order and being happy on your own with your DD.

aliveandstillbloodykicking Mon 29-Dec-14 13:07:06

Just found the Emphasis at the bottom of the page lol. Holly that's exactly what I intend to do.

Rioux Tue 30-Dec-14 00:00:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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